I Surrender
by Gibs
Summary: A 'postfinale' fic that I wrote in 2005 and am posting here for the first time. Epilogue up 13 May HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: I had alot of requests to post this story here, and although alot of you have read it before, I'm posting it for those who haven't yet. This was actually the very first fanfic I ever wrote. It was my "cathartic piece" that I just had to get out after watching the JAG finale. The 'I Surrender' series is all about the Harm and Mac love story - what happened to them after the coin toss – where they went, what they did there and the discussions they had (ie, resolving what the heck each of them were thinking over the past 9 years). Basically, all the stuff that DPB never gave us in the end. I needed to write it b/c over the years, we got so little of what we all could see - the wonderful chemistry these two actors had that made us love H&M together no matter what nasty scenarios TPTB insisted on writing them into. Personally, I needed to get out on paper what I wanted to happen to them in order to be perfectly satisfied with the ending we were given. I needed to give them everything I wanted them to have. Although this story eventually covers alot of time into the future, I'm one of those people who can't bear to think of H&M as ever getting old LOL, so I went far enough to cover what I wanted to give them, but also left some open-ended areas so that I could add to the story in the future in the form of "one-shots" whenever I felt the need (which I did quite often and will eventually post them here too).

It's funny, I think the chemistry of these two actors is highly under-rated in the acting world - to me they are right up there with the greats, but unlike Bogie and Bacall (who were married in real life), and Hanks and Ryan (who's movie's always ended happily), we shippers had to be satisfied with fleeting innuendos and the hastily substituted suggestion in the end that they will finally, hopefully be disgustingly happy for the rest of their lives. I find it interesting that over 9 years, the whole "H&M shipper-dom" is based soley on the hope that when these two characters have such a great and obvious love for each other that it often causes them to hurt the very one they want to love, that we all knew if they could eventually put aside those fears born from their separate childhood experiences, they would actually have the power to make each other incredibly happy instead of incredibly sad.

I suppose that "Behind the Walls of Emerald City" could work as a prequel to this story, although they were actually written as two separate pieces (and out of order). I think there just might be minor discrepencies regarding the timeline of the _finale_ scenes and also some 'overlapping' that happened slightly differently, but for the most part, it would work b/c the interpretation in my mind of what happened is pretty consistent (and really the only reason I write this stuff - to project my wants onto paper LOL.) I wrote this in the summer of 2005 so I'm sorry if real-life 'current events' that have happened since don't match up to what I invented.

It's got angst, but is basically a romance - so don't say I didn't warn you!

Also, I threw out the 12 hour timeline scenario (like I did in BTWOEC), just because any way I tried to work it, it didn't make any sense. In this story, the scene where they get together takes place in the early hours of the morning, and the bar scene takes place later on that night.  
Sorry, I know I'm the Queen of the 'run-on sentence' AND the 'sentence fragment', but hey – what can I say? That's just the way I think!

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. _JAG_ and its characters are the property of Belisarius Productions and Donald P. Bellisario. This story is not intended to violate any copyrights they have and is not intended for profit in any way.

Statements in double quotations "" are spoken.  
Statements in single quotations '' are thoughts.)

* * *

PART 1

MCMURPHY'S PUB  
WASHINGTON, D.C

29 APRIL 2005  
0020 ZULU

The General watched the coin flip end over end into the air, but he couldn't help thinking one thought – '_How can these two be so incredibly stupid?_' They were about to throw away one of their careers for absolutely no reason. He was amazed. They were able to expertly argue circles around each other in the courtroom, yet when it came to matters of the heart they couldn't think themselves out of a wet paper bag.

Everyone was so focused on watching the coin flip that no one seemed to notice General Creswell take two quick steps into the group. He snagged the coin out of the air before anyone seemed to register he was even there and as a result, all they could do was stare at him with stunned expressions. 'Ahhh,' he thought 'sometimes it's great to be a General.'

"I'm sorry Captain, Colonel, but I'm going to have to intervene on your 'fate' for a moment here." He paused for effect as he turned and handed the coin back to a slightly stunned Bud. "I know I haven't known you two for very long, but so far I believe you to be among the finest JAG officers I have ever had the privilege of serving with. To allow either of you to resign your commission in this manner would be negligent on my part, and well… a down right detriment to the Military and to the JAG Corps." He turned to look at Harm. "I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do to change the billet you have been assigned Captain – it was decided at a much higher level than me, but Colonel", he turned then to look at her, "I believe I may be able to get you assigned a billet in London… somewhat removed from your future husband's direct chain of command. It won't be a command position unfortunately, but it would be a damn sight better than the alternative… if this is something you'd be interested in?"

Harm turned to look at Mac hopefully, while Mac's eyes were still fixed on the General's. Almost immediately she let out a surprised breath and answered him with a laugh. "Of course General," she briefly turned to Harm to assess his expression, then turned back to the General, "I would be eternally grateful if you could arrange something like that."

Harm spoke quietly and seriously to Mac "Thanks Mac – you didn't need to do that you know…" he offered her a weak smile "…you might have won the toss."

"Winning that coin toss would have brought me very little joy, Flyboy."

'Flyboy.' How long had it been since she had last called him that in an endearing manner? It seemed like years since they had been that carefree and at ease with each other. "So I guess this means it's official?" he questioned her with a smile.

"You better believe it, Sailor – you're not backing out of this now."

"Well then I guess I owe you a ring."

Harm reached into the inside pocket of his Mess Dress jacket and took out a single solitaire diamond ring. Somewhere over the nervous rushing sound in his ears, he heard Harriet and Coates quietly gasp. He smiled at Mac while he took her left hand in his and slid the ring over her finger. He tried very hard to keep his composure as he watched tears welling up in her eyes.

"Harm, you just proposed to me last night and I've been with you ever since – how the hell did you have time to buy me a ring?"

He didn't like where this was going, but he didn't have much choice in the matter now. His only chance would be to nip it in the bud at his first opportunity. "I didn't need to buy you a ring Mac… this is the ring that my father gave to my mother when they were engaged. I've had it for years." He kept his chin down and looked up at her through his eyebrows, wondering if she could tell he was holding something back. Of course she could, she could always tell that.

Mac honestly didn't know whether to cry or be sick. 'Wait, I'm already crying. Oh please don't let me be sick.' Mac bit her lip and turned her head back up to look at Harm. 'The ring his father had given his mother?' She knew how much weight that carried. If she hadn't known it before, the full understanding hit her at that moment. Harm never would have given this ring to just anyone – Harm considered her to be "_the one_"… her.

For fear of crumbling over the enormity of this gift, she attempted to lighten the mood. She sniffed, "Well, it's a good thing that your mom and I have the same size fingers, I guess."

'Uh oh', Harm knew this was entering dangerous territory. OK, one step closer and he would put an end to this, but for now he proceeded uncomfortably. "Uhhh… actually you don't. I had it sized to fit you… awhile ago..."

He could tell that she wanted to ask him more, but he desperately wanted to avoid the explanation at this moment - fearing the uncomfortable memories that it would undoubtedly bring on. He just wanted this time to be happy – don't think of the past… or 'Never look back' as the Admiral had told him that time in Australia. He glanced hesitantly at the rest of the crew who were watching them and gave a weak laugh, "I'll explain it all later, Mac – just suffice it to say it's where it's meant to be now."

He kissed her, maybe a little too passionately for public, but he couldn't have cared less at the moment. The crew broke out in whoops and cat-calls affectionately. It caused them to break off their kiss with a laugh - their foreheads remaining together.

"Well, if you all don't mind, I'm going to go dance with the future Mrs. Harmon Rabb, Jr."

"Don't you mean she's going to dance with the future Mr. Sarah MacKenzie?"

"Very funny, Bud." Bud was getting saucy in his old age Harm thought. He loved it.

"I don't know Harm, I kind of like the sound of that!" Mac couldn't resist the dig.

With an accusing glare at Bud, Harm quickly escorted Mac off to the dance floor before that particular strain of conversation could go any further.

Sturgis shook his head slowly as he watched them leave. "Well somebody pinch me because I can't believe what I'm finally seeing."

"You can't believe it?! You've only been here three years!" Bud nodded his head in Harriet's direction. "We've been watching this go on for nine!"

The General seemed mildly amused. "So you're telling me that this is the first time in nine years that these two have gotten together – even once?"

"Yes sir!" Bud and Harriet chimed in together.

Creswell rolled his eyes at their simultaneous response, but continued sceptically. "How can you be sure? I mean, it's possible…"

"Oh no sir," Harriet replied confidently, "we would definitely have noticed if we'd ever seen them this happy." Her gaze was joyously fixed on the dance floor where Harm and Mac were dancing.

General Creswell shook his head as if to clear it. "Well, all's well that end's well I suppose."

Coates smiled slyly at her Commanding Officer. "Speaking of which sir, is it my understanding that you just manipulated the military billeting system for the sake of true love?"

"Nonsense Petty Officer" he countered defensively, "I never mettle in the private affairs of my subordinates."

--------------------

Two hours later, most of the JAG crowd had left and said their goodbyes, only the Roberts had remained. Harm took notice of this and thought it was fitting that their last moments in Washington should be spent with the two people who had been with them since the beginning.

Harm and Mac were on the dance floor once again and he was thinking that whoever said that dancing was like making love standing up, was surprisingly more correct than he had ever imagined.

"Penny for your thoughts, sailor."

Snapping out of it with a little smirk, Harm breathed "Uhhh, you don't want to know what I was just thinking."

"Try me."

"OK," he turned passionately serious, "I was just thinking about how much I want to take you home and make love to you until I can't see straight."

Mac just silently stared into Harm's eyes.

When he got no response, he added with a nervous laugh, "Uh, Mac... now's the time that you're supposed to supply me with your thoughts?"

Mac was still lost in Harm's eyes, "I was just thinking that I've never been so hopelessly, completely, head-over-heels in love with anyone in my entire life..." He cut her off with a passionate kiss before she could even finish her sentence.

Leaning against the bar, Bud was staring in awe at his friends on the dance floor. "Look at those two! It's like they're going to spontaneously combust or something!"

Harriet still had an ecstatic glow about her for her friends' happiness, but it was tinged with an inevitable sadness. "Well Bud, that's what you get when you have unresolved sexual tension that lasts for nine years."

Bud shook his head in amazement, still staring at them, "Man, nine years of foreplay... that's going to be some fantastic sex!"

Harriet watched Harm and Mac come striding towards them, hand in hand, and she grinned knowingly, "Well, I think someone else may have just had that same idea..."

Mac was the first to speak hesitantly as they slowed to a halt in front of their friends, "We're going to take off OK guys?" She paused, not wanting to be the one to start this. "I guess this is goodbye." She hugged Harriet and then Harriet hugged Harm.

Harm wished Harriet hadn't started crying, he hated showing emotion, but knew he could never leave these two with things left unsaid. He took a deep breath and turned with a smile to Bud. "Bud… as Dorothy once said to the Scarecrow, 'I think I'm going to miss you most of all'". He had desperately tried to keep it light-hearted, but the constriction in his voice was betraying him. They shook hands as he continued with a short laugh. "I can't believe how far you've come since I first met you on the Seahawk 10 years ago", he shook his head in wonder, remembering that bumbling Ensign he'd overheard explaining the hand signals he'd used to direct civilians around the flight deck. "I never dreamed then that you would have come this far," he tried valiantly to put meaning into this next phrase without his voice giving out, "and well… I just want you to know that I am extremely proud of you…" 'Damn, he'd almost made it but his voice had caught at the end. It's her, she's making me lose my grip on everything lately…'

Bud was fighting the same emotional demons, but managed to respond with conviction, "Sir… Harm… you are never going to know the impact you have made on my life. You are my mentor… my hero … and the best friend I have ever had…" They shared a brief hug – not the one-sided one they had shared so many years ago when Harm had left to fly, but one of mutual respect and sadness. Harm had to turn away slightly to regain his composure.

Mac's tears had fallen during this last exchange and she put her hand to her mouth to keep her emotions in check. Bud turned to her next and attempted to lighten the mood, "Ma'am, may I say that you are hands down the prettiest Marine that I have ever had the pleasure of serving with."

They all laughed, but Harm rebuked him with a wink and a smile, "Hey, red light Bud."

Mac turned to Harm defiantly, "Since when are you allowed to throw traffic signals for other people?"

Harm put a protective arm around her and looked into her eyes with a smile, "Oh, since about 18 hours ago".

"Seriously though," Bud continued, "thank you so much for everything – both of you - you two taught me everything I know. What am I going to do with out you?"

"Well, you'll probably win a lot more cases, Bud." He patted him on the shoulder with a smile, "And if you guys ever change your mind about London, don't ever hesitate to give us a call OK?"

Bud smiled at Harriet, then turned back to them, "Don't worry, you'll be the first to know." There was a moment of awkward silence as they all wrestled with the fact that this may be the last time they ever see one another. "Well, you guys better get going – you have to be at the airport in six hours and I'm sure you still have a lot of things to do before then…" Catching his unintended innuendo, he tried to recover in typical Bud fashion, "… I mean, like packing and stuff… I mean…"

Harm cut him off with a flushed smile, "It's OK Bud, we know what you mean." Harm and Mac glanced at each other smiling - remembering their last discussion on the dance floor. Their passion did not go unnoticed by the Roberts.

Mac turned sadly to them with a smile, "We'll miss you both like crazy. Are you still doing Christmas Dinner this year at your house? Maybe we can make it back?"

Harriet suppressed her tears once again, "We sure will be – and you guys better make it back." Her expression suddenly turned sly, "Now get yourselves home… and guys… try not to be late for the plane tomorrow."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N: I of course have to give credit for the line "Making their way back from Mars" to John Ondrasik, who wrote the song "100 Years" that they used in the finale. I just thought it was pretty descriptive, and also fitting because of it's use in the finale.)

HARM'S APARTMENT  
NORTH OF UNION STATION

29 APRIL 2005  
0300 ZULU

They were still hand in hand when they exited the elevator in front of Harm's apartment. Mac couldn't even remember if she'd let go of it during the entire ride home. It amazed her that something that had been almost forbidden to her 18 hours ago, now felt like the most natural thing in the whole world, and something she didn't think she could live without anymore. She tried to register the enormity of all this finally having fallen into place, but she couldn't, she just felt numb. She decided she really couldn't care less whether it had registered yet, she was just going to enjoy the moment… the moments… the ride…

As they stepped into the darkened apartment, Mac was suddenly struck by another flashback. She'd been experiencing them for days – ever since they'd gotten their orders. This time it was of the very first time she'd seen this apartment – it had been in a very similar state at that time too – although then it had been 'not quite moved into' instead of 'not quite moved out of'.

'God, had that been nine years ago? We were just about to go on our first assignment together'. It had seemed like only yesterday, and yet also a lifetime ago.

She smiled at the memory of how he had done so much work on this place himself. How he'd laid all the hardwood flooring, put in that island… she remembered bringing him supper one night – he had been on the floor fighting with a sander listening to Latin music at way too loud a volume. She smiled, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly safe – imagining him one day working on their first house.

'Wow. "their first house" was this suddenly starting to sink in?'

"Hey Marine – where are you?" Harm spoke so softly and tenderly as he took her into his arms, that it almost wasn't enough to permeate her daydream.

She smiled at him – she couldn't seem to help that anymore. "I was just remembering the first time I was in this apartment."

Harm smiled too.

"Yes" she adopted a tone of sarcasm, "I seem to remember it took you forever to pack a bag and we were almost late for our flight."

"Forever? That seems like a pretty broad timeframe for you Mac. Don't you mean it was 7 minutes and 43 seconds or something?"

"Well" she laughed "I'm sure at one time I knew exactly how long it took you to pack that day, but right now, there seems to be something interfering with my internal clock."

Harm suddenly tilted his head to one side "Oh yeah?" he said in almost a whisper "And what would that be?"

'God' she thought 'that voice, that expression…'

In nine years of knowing this man, she had never been privy to this side of him. As much as she knew everything else about him - could read his exact thoughts in a split second through a fleeting glance… had witnessed him cry and rage... She had been the object of his passion before… his longing, but she had never been the recipient of this look – this voice. "_London works for me_" he had said when it happened first. A voice that was temptingly suggestive – but not in a confrontational way – not given as a challenge. It was spoken with a confidence that knew the answer it would receive – if not the exact words, at least the sentiment. A look and a voice reserved only for lovers who are comfortable with each other. Not a look of unrequited love, but simply a look of love that is secure in it's reciprocation.

She took a deep breath "Well I can't be sure Flyboy, but I think it's you"

His mouth attached itself to hers so gently she almost couldn't bear it. Her body succumbed to his like a magnet. He lifted her up in his arms swiftly – almost as he had last night – although last night had started in a more humorous fashion.

'God, last night – would she ever forget the events of last night?'

"_Fate could keep us together forever_", then that look again. 'Forever' – that had done it for her. The passionate kiss that had followed had almost caused her to faint until he'd pulled away to look at her with that cocky Flyboy smile – his eyes twinkling.

"So" he had said "Since we've waited nine years, are we going to wait until our wedding night?"

Still reeling from his kiss, it had taken her a second to get her mind around what he was implying. The idea of him saying that had caught her completely off guard, but it suddenly sounded like such an honourable thing to do – and Harmon Rabb was nothing if not honourable.

"Oh Harm, that is so sweet!" Of all the times she'd wished she'd had a Polaroid, it would have been then – just to capture the exact expression on his face when he thought she might actually take him up on that offer. "But, there's no way in hell…" she had finally ended his sudden surge of panic "…that I plan on waiting another minute for you."  
Oh God, there had been that look again. She was never going to get tired of it. When Harmon Rabb, Jr. let someone in, he really let them in.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that" and with one quick motion he had leaned into her stomach, thrown her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and taken her to his bedroom – detouring only briefly so that Harm could slam the door shut with his foot on the way by.

They had still been laughing when he laid her down on his bed and settled on top of her, but at the next kiss all humour fled and the flame of nine years of buried passion had been fanned to the surface. That night would forever be burned into her consciousness, but for the life of her she could not remember the exact sequence of events… how exactly their clothes had come off… when he had first touched his lips to her stomach or the inside of her thigh… but she knew she would always remember how it felt – the surge of passion and emotion that flooded through her when his bare chest first touched hers… the feel of his hands… his fingers… so gentle and loving. She almost couldn't believe he could be so tender – had almost let herself believe he would be an arrogant lover, as one might expect from an 'alpha male' – yet somehow she always knew he would be this way. And when he had finally entered her, it was as if time suddenly stood still. Their eyes had been locked in a gaze so intensely meaningful, it was as if the entire knowledge of the universe was opened to her for a brief second. And in that second she was acutely aware that this was not the first lifetime they had loved one another - again, something she should have known all along, perhaps she already did. This was not just a relationship – this was the meaning in her life and her reason for being. When he had said 'fate could keep us together forever', he did not just mean ''til death do us part' – this was so much more than that and he knew it too.

Their lovemaking this time had been more light-hearted, but no less intense. Last night there had been a certain desperation involved. They hadn't been sure of their future and past disappointments nagged at the back of their minds even though they had already committed themselves to the plan. Tonight, their immediate future had been secured – the General had given her three weeks leave to begin immediately. She could leave with Harm in the morning – go to London with him – there was no need to be separated from him at all… even for a short time. It was almost inconceivable that this could have been settled so easily. It had never even occurred to them that the General could fix things. They had gotten so used to the idea that a relationship between them meant a sacrifice of something great, now that great insurmountable hurdle had finally been cleared and there was nothing in their way.

"Oh Mac". He whispered her name as a sigh as he nuzzled into her neck. They were both still out of breath - making their way back from Mars. Again, her mind was in such a reeling fog, she had to forcibly return herself to consciousness. She tried to move her mouth and realized it was incredibly dry. Had sex ever come close to anything like this before? She knew it hadn't, not by a long shot. She had tried to half-jokingly compliment Harm last night, saying she knew now why his girlfriends had such a hard time letting go of him. She had expected a gloat, sarcastic retaliation, or at least a light-hearted joke as a response, but instead she had been rewarded with a comment that had made her heart swell once again;

"Mac, this has nothing to do with me, or you… but everything to do with me _**and**_ you … I guess this is what happens when you make love with the love of your life."

Where had this man come from, and why had she been rewarded with his undying affection? She was suddenly reminded of that line from Casablanca – the one where Humphrey Bogart says to Ingrid Bergman "Why is it that I should find you, here, waiting for me?" Actually, in his later years, Harm did sort of resemble Bogart – especially in his Mess Dress tonight. Why was it that men could age so well? He was no longer the fresh faced pilot she had met years ago, but he still could make her knees turn to jello with one look. Well, if he was Bogie, I guess that made her Bacall. The thought made her giggle.

"Something you find funny, Marine?" He lifted his head from her neck and gave her that vulnerable little boy look, only partially successfully hidden by a half grin. "…and careful how you answer that?" he cautioned.

"No" she continued to smile, "I'm just marvelling at how completely happy I am right now".

Now it was Harm's turn to laugh. There was still a thin film of sweat on his forehead and the spiky little hairs in his cowlick were wet and matted. He propped himself up with his elbow and leaned his head into his hand. "Good answer, Ninja-girl" he replied, his eyes twinkling.

Mac continued with the teasing, it was a bond that had always drawn them close and would continue to do so, always. "You know, if this is the kind of sex you get after nine years of suppressing your feelings, I think I'd have to say it was almost worth it".

Harm placed his hand on the small of her back and pulled her closer to him. "I've got news for you, Marine. I'm not waiting another nine years." Mac laughed softly and kissed him on the nose. "Another nine hours perhaps," he mused jokingly, "but definitely not years".

"How about nine minutes" her eyebrow shot up at him along with her challenge.

Harm hesitated briefly, looked away at the ceiling for a second, then countered with a shrug and a grin, "Yeah… I think I could manage that."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

PART 3

HARM'S OFFICE  
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING  
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y

19 MAY 2005  
1350 ZULU

Harmon Rabb, Jr. sat behind an enormous oak desk in his new office. He had been here almost three weeks now and it still hadn't sunk in completely that this was his office. It still kind of reminded him of the few times he had filled in for the Admiral as Acting JAG. His new office wasn't quite as big as the Admiral's had been (he still had trouble thinking of it as Creswell's), but it was just as nice. The British certainly had an affinity for tradition, and this office was steep in ornate architecture, woodworking, and Royal Navy decorum. He could almost picture Nelson having once occupied this office and that gave him a rush - his dad sure would have been proud of him.

He still felt pretty lonely in this place though. Over 10 years of being in the same building, with largely the same people, hadn't done much for his social abilities. He'd tried to be amiable, but also didn't want to give his staff the impression that he was a push-over. It was a little hard to not look weak right now though – he kept thinking of Mac and catching himself sitting at his desk with a big goofy grin on his face. He'd never, ever been this hopelessly in love before and he would never have believed that he could turn into a giddy school kid – but here it was happening and he was powerless to stop it. Even on the flight over, he had been so glad that they hadn't had to wear their uniforms. He couldn't have imagined sitting next to her for almost seven hours without being able to touch her. As it was, he'd had to curb his urge to reach for her every chance he got, and had finally settled for slipping his hand under the airline blanket she had thrown over herself, so that he could hold her hand. She had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he'd kissed the top of her head. It was now official - he'd turned into a complete and utter sap. 'Snap out of it Rabb and get your mind back to the office.'

Trying to focus on the file on his desk – the manifest of his entire staff and their bios, he tried to remember what the Admiral had been like – tough, no nonsense, but willing to bend over backwards for anyone who deserved it. He knew the latter part would come much later, so first he had to give an impression of himself as the former. It wasn't all that hard to do. His U.S. staff he figured he could handle, but he could already tell most of his British staff were already a little resentful of him. Most of the Brits didn't have much use for Americans – especially extremely tall, good-looking ones who came with the reputation of being a 'golden-boy'. 'A cross between Top Gun and A Few Good Men' the Admiral had called him when he first read his file. His first reaction had been to apologize, but the Admiral had called him on it right away – "Don't be" he had said "The world needs heroes". From then on Harm had tried to be proud of his reputation – that is, when he wasn't trying very hard to prove he wasn't as stuck up as everyone automatically assumed he was… especially certain Marines…  
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Lance Corporal MacRae stuck his head through when Harm called "Enter". MacRae was the Royal Marine who acted as his personal assistant.

"Excuse sir, but may I bring your tea?"

It must be two o'clock Harm thought. This place was run like clockwork when it came to that. He was used to having a coffee break whenever he damn well felt like it, but here it was always coffee at 10am – tea at 2pm. He was sure the bloody building could be falling around his ears and MacRae would still bring him his tea on time. Well, when in Rome... He smiled at the young Marine "Thank you Lance Corporal. That would be fine." If it hadn't have been for the blonde hair and the fact that he could barely understand this one's thick Scottish brogue, he could have almost been Tiner when he was younger. 'When Tiner was younger?' – God, that made him feel old.

"Sir, why don't you call me 'Mac', everyone does?"

Harm laughed "Actually, I'd rather that I didn't."

The young Marine looked suddenly apprehensive. "I apologize Captain, I didn't mean to offend…"

"No, it's alright..." he smiled at him "… it's just that I call my wife 'Mac'". Harm was teetering on the surge of sudden pride in using that word in relation to Mac for the very first time, and the guilt over the fact that it wasn't quite correct yet – 'Well hell, it was really only a formality. And the word 'fiancé' sounded so pretentious.' Mac had been his partner for nine years, the fact that she wasn't officially his wife yet was only a technicality in his mind.' When MacRae still looked a little confused, Harm added "She's a MacKenzie"

The young Marine's features suddenly transformed into a knowing smile, "Aye sir, understood. A MacKenzie is certainly alright in my books, now had she been a MacDonald…"

Harm suddenly turned a warning eyebrow at MacRae - there was obviously some sort of long standing clan rivalry here he had no clue about, "Dismissed Marine".

MacRae came to attention, but managed both a nod and a wink with one swift flick of his head "Sir!"

Harm had to laugh to himself once MacRae had closed the door. He didn't know how the hell he did that, but he was pretty sure he was going to like this kid.

Twenty minutes later and all he could think about was how much he was looking forward to getting home today. Ha – he was always looking forward to getting home, who was he kidding? Their first week and a half had been spent living in a flat near Earl's Court, but Mac had of course tackled the assignment of finding themselves a house with her usual Marine vigour and efficiency. He certainly was glad that she hadn't had to give up her commission – she was only on three weeks leave right now and he could tell how much she missed working – especially once Harm had started. He knew a part of her was attracted to the 'Harriet Simms-Roberts lifestyle', but he had been concerned that going 'cold turkey' into being just 'a Captain's wife' might make her think she'd made a mistake – her identification as a Marine had always been so important to her. If he'd been the one to take that away from her and she came to resent him for it… well… he didn't want to think about that.

Mac had found them a place in less than a week once she'd started looking. 'Six days, eight hours and fourteen minutes' she probably would tell him - the thought made him smile. God, he missed her during the day – so many years of her just being twenty feet away from him. He could get up and walk into her office whenever he had wanted… well, that was a lie... there were times when he couldn't have for one reason or another… and times when he should have and he never did. 'Don't go there Rabb'. He had started by blocking out all the memories of the wasted time he and Mac had suppressed their feelings, but lately those thoughts had been pushing themselves to the forefront more and more and he knew he was going to have to confront this sooner or later with Mac. He'd already evaded her once when she'd pushed him on when exactly he'd gotten that ring sized for her, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it again, nor should he. She'd made him swear that they would talk out everything from now on and he knew that was for the best, it was just that everything was going so well now, he didn't want to screw it up by delving into bad memories from the past.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE

9 MELROSE AVE NW2  
NORTH OF WILLESDEN GREEN STATION

19 MAY 2005  
1459 ZULU

Mac was standing on the front walk admiring her handiwork. She had actually bought plants and flowers and planted them in the front garden. She was surprisingly excited about the fact that she had her own garden for the first time ever. Well, she had two actually – front and back, but technically in England, the 'garden' was the whole yard, so what the heck did you call the actual flowerbed part? Well, who cares, whatever it was called, it was now looking pretty damn good.

She was surprising herself more and more lately with all these domestic urges. Although she had been fully prepared to give up the Marines for Harm, she was more relieved than she would have liked to admit that she hadn't needed to. Would she have been able to not be bitter towards Harm if she had lost the coin toss? She would like to think so, but something in the back of her mind made her think she knew better. The thought made her disappointed in herself to no end. Harm had given everything up for her without a second thought in order to go to Paraguay – and he had gotten nothing in return from her except a kick in the gut. Oh how she didn't want to remember that. She had been right when she told McCool that in many ways Harm had grown passed her. Thank God that hadn't included growing away from her… well, she would just have to catch up to him like McCool had suggested. Now that she didn't have to give up the Corps, she didn't have to go down that road, so move on.

As she admired the garden, she actually felt a little trepidation about returning to work. She had really enjoyed puttering around their new house, getting everything moved in and making the place 'theirs'. She was pretty proud of her find – the place had everything they could ever want – no front step so that Mattie wouldn't have any trouble once she came out to live with them – lots of open living space for a wheelchair to get around, and Harm didn't even need to get off the Jubilee Line in order to commute to his office near the Bond Street Station. It even had an enormous park right nearby – that had been the final sell for both of them. She had taken endless walks in Gladstone Park already – watching the games of cricket and soccer going on everywhere, and she knew Harm had been taking his nightly runs out there as well.

Harm had left the whole logistical operation of finding a house up to her, and had never complained about being dragged out a few evenings to look at places. Dare she say he even seemed excited about it? Could it be that the great Harmon Rabb, Jr. was actually looking forward to domestic life? A part of her wanted to shake her head over that, but discovering the many new facets of her old partner as she had been lately, there was another part of her that wasn't surprised at all. He had long wanted a family she thought – just look at his past experience with Annie and Josh – he had probably been almost as much terrified of it as he needed it though. Mac figured that, knowing Harm, he was just so intent on being a good father and husband, that he was too afraid to screw it up. Thank goodness Mattie had come along when she did – it gave him the perfect opportunity to realize he might actually be good at this 'dad' thing.

She smiled, remembering their conversation that very first morning they woke up together… well, the conversation that took place after she had reassured him she wasn't out of her mind. For some reason, probably her innate sense that nothing could ever be as perfect as she wanted it, when she was on the verge of waking that first morning, she was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling that it had all been a dream – that she had never really had that conversation with Harm… the one that had led to them making love. She had woken up with such a start and a cry of "No!", that poor Harm had her in his arms (well, she had already been there) – a protective hand on the side of her head – before she could even take a second breath. As he stared down at her with such concern and her wits slowly returned, she had collapsed into his chest with a relieved groan.

"Maaaac?" he held her to his chest tightly.

She had given him a weak laugh in return "I'm sorry Harm. I'm OK – really. I just had a bad dream."

"Something you care to share?"

Normally, she would never have considered telling him something like this – it equated to showing weakness, but things weren't normal anymore were they? "I… ahhh… I just had this sudden thought that last night had all been a dream and I was…" she lifted her head to meet his eyes, "…going to wake up without you". She then suddenly blushed with embarrassment, second guessing her decision, and dropped her gaze to the bed sheets.

"Hey," Harm had lifted her chin with the crook of his finger in that agonizingly beautiful way he had, and forced her to meet his gaze "… it's OK. I…ahem…sort of had the exact same thought when I woke up in the middle of the night." Now it was his turn to look a little uncomfortable.

"You did?" her eyes brightened in surprise. "You know, you never fail to amaze me sometimes."

"Right back at ya, MacKenzie."

He gave her a light kiss on the lips – one of those ones that made her melt like butter – and she relaxed back into the bed with a sigh. Harm propped himself up with his elbow and stared at her for a moment before speaking. He was lightly tracing his finger up and down her arm.

"You know Mac, I know we've talked about this before, but not since we've been… together. Mac, I don't want to upset you or anything, and you don't have to respond at all, but I just want you to know that, although I know the chances are slim… I'd still like to at least try to have a baby with you." He looked painfully like a little boy asking forgiveness and it almost broke Mac's heart in two. "I mean, I am perfectly OK if it never happens because I have you, and that's the most important thing… but I mean," he gave a short laugh "we've beat the odds lots of times before, eh Marine? I… I just think we should try, that's all."

Mac had just beamed back at him, "Well I've got news for you, Flyboy – we already are."

The look on his face had been priceless – another Polaroid moment. For someone that graduated near the top of his class from law school – he could be pretty dimwitted sometimes. It must just be a 'guy thing' she decided. He had never even asked her if she was on anything, and she had imagined he felt the same way as her – of course they would be trying for a baby – why the hell wouldn't they? But leave it to good old Harm to automatically assume that she was still in 'Marine Mode'. When Mac's words sunk in, Harm had collapsed backward onto the bed and stared open-mouthed at the ceiling.

"That never occurred to me" he told the ceiling. "Why the hell hadn't that occurred to me?"

"Sorry Harm, I guess we should have discussed it, but I just assumed that what with the deal… and what you had told me at the Admiral's retirement party…"

He had immediately sat up and taken her shoulder in his firm grasp. "No! I mean, yes – you assumed correctly!" he laughed with relief and shook his head. He then became serious as he looked into her eyes once more and kissed her profoundly. A kiss that had led to another one, which led to… ah yes, she believed it had been the shower…

"Mmmmmm…" she said aloud, still staring at her newly planted impatiens. Then she shook her head and brought herself back to the present. 'Snap out of it Marine'. She had spent too much time alone lately, daydreaming to herself with a gigantic grin plastered on her face. It's a good thing she wasn't at the office anymore – her reputation as a squared away Marine would definitely have been on the line once they had gotten a load of her as a giddy school girl. She smiled again; she sure missed those guys… well almost all of those guys… all except Vukovik.

The sound of slow shuffling of feet behind her suddenly brought her back to the present. She turned around to see Harm coming up the front walk – his briefcase in one hand and flowers in the other. He looked so beautiful there in his Service Blues with the peak of his cover pulled down over his eyes. Like that, you couldn't see the signs of his aging – he looked just the way he had that day in the Rose Garden. She suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to cry.

Harm had been watching her from the sidewalk for several minutes before he had started up the path. He couldn't resist the urge to admire her beautiful form as she stood there staring at the garden, seemingly lost in thought. She was wearing a light summer dress with flowers printed on it that came to just above her knees. The breeze made it cling to her body in all the right places. She looked so beautiful standing there, so unlike the 'squared away Marine' he had met that day in the Rose Garden. As he wandered up the walk, he marvelled how far they had come over the last nine years, and how even now, she still had the ability to surprise the hell out of him.

"Harm, it's barely three o'clock in the afternoon – why are you home so early?" She was happy to see him, but a little concerned about the look on his face. It was almost like he was somewhere else entirely.

He handed her the flowers. "Well, I was sitting in my office, missing you, and remembering how your office used to be less than twenty feet away…" he put down his briefcase, "…well… suffice it to say, that thought led to the thought of all those times I sat in my office wanting nothing more than to cross that twenty feet, take you in my arms and tell you how much I loved you… but I never did…"

Mac welled up "Oh Harm" she said softly.

"Then," Harm cocked his head to the side and took her hands, "I realized that now I could. Now there was nothing stopping me from going straight to wherever you were and telling you how much I loved you… I just had a little bit more ground to cover this time." He reached around her with both hands and clasped them behind her lower back. Mac did the same behind his. "I love you, you know".

"I know" she blinked through tears. "I love you too, Harm."

An elderly Tilley Jeffries peered out through the lace curtains of her window down the road at Haversham Lodge as she observed her new neighbours locked in a passionate embrace. "Harry! I told you this new American couple would be entertaining if nothing else. I don't think I'm going to have to bother watching 'Desperate Housewives' this season."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I forgot to mention earlier there are 23 Chapters to this story! (and don't worry - there is actual angst and a story line involved later on LOL). Sorry for the late posting tonight - I had company. Thanks for reading!

PART 4

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
9 MELROSE AVE NW2  
NORTH OF WILLESDEN GREEN STATION  
19 MAY 2005

1610 ZULU

Lying in bed at four o'clock in the afternoon definitely was one of the most divinely pleasurable things in life she decided.

Harm had one arm and one leg casually draped across her body. His eyes were closed but she knew he wasn't asleep – he was periodically kissing her hair and giving her the odd squeeze whenever the feeling came over him. 'Life was good' she thought – for the first time in a very long time.

She absent-mindedly admired the engagement ring on her left hand and smiled, but then recalled Harm's words when he had given it to her. Hating herself for evoking the possibility of spoiling such a wonderful moment, she decided the time had come for hashing out some difficult things with Harm – the things they had been avoiding talking about since he'd uttered the words "Maybe I just needed a deadline".

She thought that had been a pretty feeble excuse, but in her frame of mind at the time, he could have pretty much said anything and kissed her and she would have given herself to him. Heck, now that she thought about it, maybe _**she'd **_actually been the one that had needed a deadline?

After the tumultuous events of that night it seemed they had just put themselves in 'denial mode'. They were both finally on the same page and it didn't matter anymore what the previous chapters had contained – there hadn't been any more time to sort it out. 'Piss or get off the pot' her father would have said. Now that things were settled and they were finally happy, she wanted to clear the air before something happened that got them sent right back to that same rut they had been in for God knows how long. Maybe if she caught him while his defences were low, he would be more inclined to open up.

Mentally, she braced herself for the answers she might receive, and then stepped off the cliff.

"Harm?"

"Mmmmm?"

"Are you going to tell me about this ring now?"

One of Harm's eyes opened immediately. 'Damn her for bringing this up now.' He let out a long sigh. "Do you really want to know?"

"I do"

Harm rolled onto his back and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Fine." He paused while he considered the best way to begin this. He opted instead just to blurt it out. "I had it sized for you almost four years ago."

Mac brought her hand up to cover her eyes. She squeezed them shut but the tears managed to force themselves out somehow anyway, and rolled down into her ears. She wiped them away quickly. "When?" she managed weakly.

Moving his hand to his forehead as if he was shielding the sun from his eyes, Harm rubbed small circles on his temples with his thumb and middle finger, "Well, if you want the exact date I'm sure I have the bill around here somewhere, but roughly it was the beginning of June 2001…"

"After…"

"Yes" he cut her off "…after I'd spent an undeterminable number of hours bobbing around in the middle of the ocean, swallowing seawater and thinking of nothing but you..."

"Oh Harm…"

"Don't Mac… please don't. I told you I don't want to go there… I don't see why we have to re-hash this… why can't we just forget about it all and get on with our lives?" He hadn't meant to be so short with her, but he couldn't help it. He knew he would get this way if he started to remember all this. Even now the memories hurt too much.

She quickly rolled on to her side to face him, "Because it _**happened**_ Harm, and we can't deny that it did. As much as we don't want to admit it, we've spent at least as much of our relationship being angry and hurt with one another than being happy. I think it's important that we find out why, so that we don't 'go there' again in the future – don't you?"

Harm peaked out from under his hand and gave her a grudging sideways glance – tinged with an almost imperceptible smile - and rolled his eyes. God he hated it when she was right. He took another deep breath and began again. This time he took his hand down from his forehead and linked it with hers for support – something to anchor him in case he felt himself getting angry. He needed to be able to feel grounded to the present while he remembered this. "OK – so what specifically do you want to know?"

"Why didn't you give it to me?"

"Because you took off to the Guadalcanal and refused to speak to me."

"Yeah," she said quietly "I'm really sorry Harm – I went way off the deep end over that." She paused. "I mean, when I was on my way over to your apartment that night – I had finally decided that this was it – I was finally going to give in to my feelings for you. I didn't care about my job or the consequences of anything anymore… I mean, if you had any idea what I went through while we were waiting for them to find you… I was a wreck Harm… I thought that if you were dead… then all I wanted was to be dead too…"

"Mac…" Harm whispered as he brushed the tear off her cheek, but he didn't know what to say.

"When you opened the door and Renee was there… I just felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart… I listened to you explain what happened… I mean, I heard the words… but I couldn't help how much it hurt…"

Harm turned towards Mac and took her hand in both of his. "Mac, don't you think I … I mean…" he paused to control himself, "Mac, don't you think that all I wanted to do was take you out in the hallway and kiss your lights out? It was just that Renee had shown up saying her dad had died… in order to not comfort her I would have had to break up with her at that very moment and I just couldn't be that mean… doing that right when she needed someone to turn to. God, I'm so sorry Mac… I just couldn't see any other way out of it at the time – I thought you'd understand..."

He paused and turned back to stare at the ceiling again. "Would I have done things differently if I'd known you would have reacted the way you did?" he shook his head in confusion, "… I just don't know."

There was a long pause while they both just lay there absorbing things before Harm spoke again. "Anyway, it was when I came home from Renee's father's funeral that I took the ring in to be sized. I had my opportunity and I was damn well going to take it. Brumby was gone, I had decided to end things with Renee as soon as she was OK enough to hear it… Then I showed up at JAG to find out you were gone. I brought it down to the Guadalcanal with me, hoping I could find some way to give it to you there… but God Mac, you were so angry…" he paused when he heard her sniff. He turned suddenly to find that she was hopelessly in tears while she lay listening to him. He quickly took her in his arms and held her tightly. "Arrrghhh Maaac. Why are we doing this to ourselves again?"

"Because we have to"

"Right" he gave a short laugh. They stayed that way for a few minutes until Harm released her and started to wipe the tears out of her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, then he leaned back to stare at the ceiling again. "Well," he smiled, "if you think that was bad, maybe I shouldn't even bring up the fact that I brought it to Paraguay with me…"

"Ahhhhhh… NOOO!" Mac reacted like she had suddenly been poisoned, but also laughed at the same time.

Harm couldn't help smiling either. 'Well, they were beginning to find it funny now,' he thought, 'that was a step in the right direction'.

"Yeah, maybe if I'd dangled the ring from the muzzle of my weapon when I came in to save you from being tortured, we would have avoided a lot of heartache…" They both enjoyed a good laugh over that mental picture, and snuggled into each others arms. 'She was right,' Harm thought, 'somehow this has brought us closer. Damn her anyway when she's right.'

They stayed that way for a long while, just absorbing the discussion and the air it had cleared.

Finally, Harm lifted one of her hands and held it up to his – palm to palm, admiring the size difference. "So are we OK with this for now, or do we have to stick around in 'Deadhorseville' for longer?"

Mac smiled "No, I think we're good, but I reserve the right to recall this type discussion whenever I feel it may be warranted."

"So agreed, councillor." He stared at her left hand clasped in his for a few moments, and then turned to meet her eyes. "So have we got this whole wedding thing planned out yet, because I slipped today at the office and called you my wife. I'd hate to come off as a liar before anyone here even got to know me."

"Yeah, I think so," she smiled.

She took on a look of radiant happiness whenever she talked about this and it always made Harm feel good. He'd never been a fan of weddings, but ever since Bud and Harriet's, he'd felt it wouldn't be so bad after all.

Recently though, it had become an absolute necessity. If he'd had his way, he'd already be married to her. They had talked it over on the plane however and decided that their original plan of just getting married as soon as they got to London should be amended. They both wanted a military wedding - and to have friends and family there. To get married only to have to do it again 'the right way' just sounded insane, so they agreed to do it right the first time. They decided to fly back to Washington for a small ceremony as soon as they could organize it.

"Harriet emailed me this morning saying the Chapel is booked and she had managed to get a hold of the Admiral."

Harm couldn't suppress a gleeful smile "No way – I bet he was surprised!"

"Oh my God," Mac laughed "Harriet said, and I quote, "The Admiral's immediate reaction was 'God-damn-SONOFABITCH, he finally did it!'"

Harm rolled onto his back and laughed heartily. Mac smiled sweetly, admiring the way his Adam's apple danced when he did that.

"He was quite upset though that he had missed the party at McMurphy's, so you better be prepared to explain yourself for that one at the wedding."

"I called him!" Harm defended himself "But I just got his voice mail!" He looked at her sideways for a moment, "Jesus, I'm screwed, aren't I?" Still smiling he added, "Did you hear from Mom?"

"Yup, her and Frank are flying in on the Friday night and flying out again on Sunday. Something about they couldn't trust the shifty Samoan who was managing the Gallery?"

Harm laughed and shook his head in confusion "Whatever."

"And Jen said that she's got it all arranged for Mattie to be there as well. She's getting her set up with a laptop also, so you'll be able to email her yourself pretty soon… I mean, so long as we can teach you how to use email first."

Harm almost sat up straight in bed, "No way – does she have the use of her hands already?!" as an after thought he added "…and I do know how to use email… I just prefer the telephone!"

"Well, you're not going to use the telephone much at these long distance prices! Anyway, about Mattie, Coates says her hand use is minimal right now, but she's coming along like a trooper. Everyday she's getting stronger."

Harm lay back on the bed with a sigh, "I should have been there for her, Mac."

"Harm, you _**were**_ there – you were there for her for weeks when she needed you – at the detriment of yourself sometimes."

"Yeah great, I was there for weeks when she was in a coma and wasn't even aware of it. Then, just when she wakes up and needs my help…"

Mac put her hand on his chest, "Harm, there was nothing you could have done. If we're going to look after her, we need jobs in order to have money to do it. We couldn't help but to either be here or in San Diego. And you _**know**_ Mattie understands."

"I know, it's just that sometimes I wish I could break myself into a few pieces in order to be everywhere I need to be at once."

"Well, that would be impossible," Mac smiled seductively and brought her face inches from his "…because I need all of your pieces right here with me."

Harm looked defiantly back at her with a hint of a smile, "Don't you have supper to cook or something, woman?"

"Ooooh, I am _**soooo**_ going to make you regret that, squid…"

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry this post is late again. I was at a Memorial Service for my friend Donny who was killed in Afghanistan on Easter Sunday. Very tough. I hope you will keep his family in your prayers for me. Thanks and thanks for reading.

(now be prepared, I told you there was angst coming ;0)

PART 5

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
9 MELROSE AVE NW2  
NORTH OF WILLESDEN GREEN STATION  
22 JUNE 2005

2213 ZULU

Well, the honeymoon was over. Hell, the honeymoon was over and they hadn't even gotten married yet. This time Harm was the one who knew exactly how many weeks, days, hours and minutes that he had been ecstatically happy for the first real time in his life. Now it seemed it was all gone.

It was almost unfathomable to him, but here he was, lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling – banished from the bed he had shared with her for seven weeks, four days, nineteen hours and forty-three minutes.

He felt numb… like he was in a fog. Not an unfamiliar feeling though – he'd spent most of the last couple of years of his life in a fog like this. He had at one time – years ago when they had first been partners – felt so sure that she would be his someday that it had almost felt like a 'given'. Maybe they couldn't be together because they were partners, but he knew Chegwidden couldn't keep them partnered together forever, and then he would be able to make her his.

Somehow though, that day had never come and it had all fallen apart at the seams… like some slow motion train wreck. One day something would go wrong that would make him think 'Well, that wasn't supposed to happen', and then it would happen again. Before he knew it, he had been completely out of control of their relationship and he had no idea how to put it back on track again. There had been times he had tried so hard to fix it, but to his amazement, his efforts usually resulted in making things come apart even further. It had been earth-shattering and heart-breaking and he had become a shell of a man over it, walking around in a fog of incredulity… alternating pain with the loss of all hope. Then suddenly it had happened. One day fate intervened and everything had fallen into place – just like that. In the space of hours his life had gotten back on track and everything had become right with the world. Well, for seven weeks, four days, nineteen hours and forty-three minutes it had anyway.

Now all these feelings were back again with a vengeance and the worst part of it was that he had no idea what he had done. At least, he didn't think he did. The last time he remembered everything being fine was two days ago. He had come home from work to find a note from Mac scribbled on the white board behind the door "Gone to the Chemists – be back soon!" Harm had laughed – she loved calling it 'the Chemist' instead of 'the Drug Store'. She had made such a point of putting emphasis on the word every time she used it – laughingly saying she felt so British – like she was in a Monty Python sketch or something.

Harm knew that the Chemist was back by the Tube Station – he had probably passed her on the way - but he also knew that she loved wandering around those shops – buying fresh cut flowers and things like strange soups that she had never heard of. Her favourite so far had been 'Leek and Potato' and she had purchased many a can before Harm had insisted on getting some fresh leeks so he could just make her a batch from scratch.

That night had been so nice and warm – a beautiful summer evening - so he decided to take a walk in the park. He usually went for a run after dinner, but tonight he wasn't particularly hungry and he didn't feel like waiting around and letting the weather go to waste. He didn't even bother changing out of his uniform because he hadn't planned on being gone for long. He erased her note from the white board and replaced it with his own – "Gone to stretch my stick-boy legs in the park – back soon - H"

While in the park he'd sat down on a bench to watch an extremely unruly game of something he'd never seen before – it looked vaguely like a cross between hockey, lacrosse and some sort of Roman Gladiator match. According to the elderly man sitting on the next bench over, it was the local "Irish hooligans" playing a game of 'Hurley'.

Harm had been fascinated and slightly horrified by the sport. He'd thought hockey was bad, but at least you got to wear protective equipment. Maybe if he'd been twenty years younger it would have appealed to him. The elderly man on the bench next to him, turned out to be his neighbour, Harry Jeffries, whom he hadn't had the pleasure of meeting until now. As it turned out, Harry had flown Halifax bombers during WWII and had been particularly interested in hearing about Harm's flying career once he'd spotted his wings. They'd gotten to talking about flying and family and Harm had felt so relaxed, he couldn't resist taking the cigar Harry had offered him. 'A salute – to new beginnings' Harry had said. Harm knew Mac would get on his case for the cigar – but how could he not smoke to that? It just felt right somehow, sitting there in the setting sun, puffing on a Monte Cristo, talking of all your past glories and coming dreams… all was right with the world…

…that was until he had gotten home. Sure he had stayed later than he'd intended to, but Mac had never gotten mad at him for something like that before. He'd intended to fess up about the cigar right away, but she'd never even given him a chance. She'd come at him with both barrels almost as soon as he'd set foot inside the door – and once she'd smelled the cigar… well, it had been all over for him. He didn't think he'd even gotten a word in edgewise before she'd stormed off to the bedroom and slammed the door. He couldn't even remember how long he'd stood there stunned… feeling like someone had just kicked his guts out.

He'd wanted to go after her, but instead opted for a long shower, hoping that she'd be the one to cool off and apologize. He hadn't done anything wrong so she couldn't stay mad at him for long, could she? His anger welled up inside of him while he was in the shower and he was sure he'd knocked a few tiles loose when his fist got away from him once or twice. 'Damn her – what the hell was wrong?!'

And that's the same point he was at two nights later, lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Had he forgotten some kind of anniversary? Her birthday? He'd racked his brains for days trying to come up with some underlying excuse, but there had been nothing. For two days now, she'd gotten up before he had and gone to work, and he'd come home to find her either still at work, or in bed already. Once he had come into the bedroom, sat on the bed and put his arm on hers to ask her what was wrong – but she had flung her arm back so violently, it was clear to him that she wasn't prepared to talk. He had been so angry by her reaction that he had slammed his fist against the door frame on his way out. 'Good Rabb' he had thought, 'punching things is always a good resolution to a problem. She's going to be really impressed with that'.

And what a problem they had – they were supposed to get married this weekend. It was Wednesday night, they were leaving to fly back to Washington tomorrow. The wedding was all arranged – taken care of mostly by Harriet, God love her. They had only had to worry themselves with a very few things – the only one that had been important to him was writing his vows.

They had decided to write their own and not share it with each other until the ceremony. Mac had balked a bit at this idea – he figured she just didn't trust him to come up with anything romantic enough – but he was bound and determined to wow her socks off. Hell, he hated being sentimental in public, but you only got married once – well, he was only going to be getting married once – and he wanted to do it right.

Now he lay there wondering if he would be getting married at all. He half expected to find a note on the white board at any time now. "Gone to the Chemists – never coming back…" Harm groaned inwardly and brought both hands up to his eyes.

Mac lay in the bed staring at the wall. A posture she'd adopted for two days now and one she couldn't seem to shake. Her head was ringing, she felt a rushing in her ears and a knot in her stomach so tight she couldn't even breathe. 'What the hell was she doing?' she thought. 'You are three days away from marrying the man of your dreams – the only man who has ever made you truly happy, and here you are shutting him out of your life for no reason at all'.

And the scary part was she really didn't know the reason. Sure she had been disappointed when she got home to find that he had gone to the park, sure he had stayed until dark and then came home smelling like cigars – but she hadn't even given him the opportunity to explain. She'd gone aboard him like a wild thing and hadn't been able to stop herself. She knew it wasn't right, but after it had happened, she had felt so embarrassed she didn't know how to confront him. Then she had been angry at herself and began to pout, then her pride had interfered and she hadn't wanted to tell him she had been wrong. Now she just felt sick about it all. More importantly, she was wondering what was wrong with her. She had been at her new job at RAF West Ruislip for a little over two weeks now and it wasn't extremely stressful – but maybe it was getting to her? She had once heard that three of the most stressful things in your life are 'moving, getting married and starting a new job' – she was doing all three things at the same time… but so was Harm and he hadn't succumbed to the pressure.

And now she was tormenting him. She knew he was hurting and she had caused it. Tonight she'd listened to him play his guitar for over an hour – that incessant blues music that he only played when he was upset. She loved listening to Harm play his guitar, but tonight it had been a very effective form of torture for her. She'd put the pillow over her head in an attempt to shut it out, but it had been to no avail, she could still hear the lonely wail coming up from downstairs - taunting her. She had been so relieved when he had stopped… until there was just nothing but silence. Now she couldn't determine which was worse.

Mac's anxiety tightened – 'was she going completely insane?' If she was, she thought Harm should know – it was the least she could do for the poor man. The more she thought about it, the more relieved she felt… 'that's it MacKenzie – plead insanity'.

Mac stood at the doorway to their living room and stared at Harm's still figure lying on the couch. He had a palm placed over each eye and she wasn't quite sure if he had fallen asleep and whether she should wake him if he had. But she needed to – she suddenly felt so lost and she needed him to put his strong arms around her and make it go away. She was able to softly cross the living room to the couch, without disturbing him.

"Harm?" she said plaintively into the dead air of the room.

Harm was sitting upright in a shot, staring at her. "Mac?"

"Harm…" she sounded like a lost little girl, standing there rubbing both her upper arms as if she was cold. "…what's wrong with me?"

Harm stood up immediately and grasped her by the shoulders. "Mac, what's the matter?" His concern for her was almost overpowering.

"I don't know… that's the problem." Tears suddenly spilled out of her eyes and ran down her face. "I think I'm going crazy" she sobbed.

"God Mac" he held her tightly to his chest. "It's OK… shhhhh". He tried, but consoling her seemed to no avail. She just kept babbling into his shirt how she was sorry, but she thought she'd lost her mind.

Harm was inclined to agree as a joke, but he knew that something about this was more serious. He knew Mac wasn't the kind of woman to just get stressed out – she was a Marine for God's sake – the things she'd gone through as a Marine… well he couldn't imagine that anything they were going through now could be any worse. He'd only seen her lose it like this once – the time she had killed that poacher in the woods, but even then she had only lost it for a very few moments.

Harm felt desperate, all he wanted to do was take away her pain and he was powerless to do it. All he could do was stand there and hold her… running his hands over her back and through her hair… kissing her neck and the tears from her eyes.

"Make love to me, Harm"

"What?" It was the last thing he had expected her to say. He hadn't even expected to be allowed to console her as much as he was right now. "Mac, I…"

"Please Harm… I need you to make love to me right now…"

She needn't have begged… Harm wanted it just as much as she did but he was trying to be sensitive. Well if this is what she needed, who was he to argue? His mouth crashed down on hers with all the anxiety he'd felt over the past two days. If he'd thought their lovemaking that very first night had been desperate, it had absolutely nothing on this. They'd thrown themselves at each other with such urgency that he'd taken her right there on the couch… in record time… with only the occasional desperate reassurances of their love spoken between them. They were left clinging passionately to each other, hopelessly out of breath, with only love and confusion swirling around in their heads. 'OK', Harm thought, 'he'd heard make-up sex could be amazing, but this was insane…'

Only Mac still hadn't seemed right when they'd made it back to their bed later on. Harm thought there was never a more wonderful place to be when he first lay down there – remembering how alone he'd felt on the couch not forty minutes ago. He held her in his arms and tried to get that haunted look she had in her eyes out of his head. She was smiling now… but there was something in her eyes that was deceiving that smile… something that made him acutely aware she was someplace else in her mind.

HEATHROW INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT  
LONDON

23 JUNE 2005  
1140 ZULU

Mac held tightly to Harm's hand as they made their way through the busy airport. She was always filled with a sense of pride when she walked through busy public place with Harm – even before – when they were just partners. People had just automatically assumed that the handsome sailor who towered a head above everyone else was with her, and in her mind she had often pretended that he was – even the times that he actually belonged to someone else. Now he was hers for real – that fact cemented to everyone around by his strong hand clamped over hers and the million watt smile he cast in her direction every so often.

Unfortunately, she knew that smile was given more as a reassurance than anything else right now. They'd made up last night, (boy had they made up!), but still she didn't feel right, and she knew that Harm could sense it too. He always knew when she was hiding something – but this time it wasn't fair, something was being hidden from her too. She had tried to explain to Harm how she felt – like she was on some sort of emotional roller coaster. He had been so… well, typically Harm – wonderful, trying to reassure her that it was just the stress of all that had happened in the last two months and the stress of the upcoming wedding, but she wasn't buying it and to tell the truth, she didn't believe Harm was buying it either. What she hadn't told him was the one thought that kept permeating her brain lately – she didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve to be saddled to someone so… well, unstable as she had become. Like she had told McCool – Harm had grown past her and now she didn't think it was possible to catch up to him. He deserved more than her, and every wonderful thing he did just made that more clear to her.

'Don't you dare think that way, Marine!' she told herself, 'you've wanted this man more than anything else for as long as you could remember, don't you dare chicken out of this now!'

Harm just thought that if he could get her through this wedding, they could sort everything else out later. He knew that she loved him, but he couldn't get this sickening feeling out of the pit of his stomach that something was going to go wrong at the last minute – the way it always did with them. He was experiencing a growing terror over that – it had been bad enough never having had her over all those years, but to have her and then to lose her would be excruciating – and more than he thought he could bear. He just had to get her through this weekend, after that she would be his forever… or at least it would be infinitely more complicated for her to walk away.

They settled into their seats for the long flight and Mac tucked her head into Harm's shoulder as he pulled her against him. His irresistibly manly scent of aftershave and… whatever it was that was Harm, filled her head and she was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of satisfaction. That smell had haunted her for nine years now and it was only now that she realized what it had come to represent for her – _**home**_. 'God' she thought, please let me get through this weekend without doing anything stupid.'

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Just want to warn people here - I'm by no means "Mac bashing" - I'm just getting inside Mac's head and relating what SHE is thinking at this moment.

PART 6

CHEGWIDDEN RESIDENCE  
MCLEAN, VIRGINIA  
2350 ZULU

Harm and Mac walked up the front steps of the Admiral's house for the first time ever as a couple. They had just returned from seeing Mattie. She had been so happy to see them, you could tell the poor girl hated being cooped up in that room – she had always been so carefree and independent – seeing her immobilized was painful, especially to Harm. They both knew however, that the pain they felt in seeing her was nothing compared to what _she_ was going through. Harm had gotten a little while to get used to her that way, but Mac had felt a little uncomfortable. Strangely though, despite that uncomfortableness, she couldn't help feeling a little bit of pride in being there. It made her feel like a real family – suddenly included in a part of Harm's life that she had previously been denied access. They had talked for a long time and made plans to bring her back with them to London. Originally, they had hoped she would be ready to be moved this week, but the doctors weren't going to allow it. She had come down with pneumonia two weeks earlier and they weren't comfortable with moving her just yet. She could see Harm was crushed, and Mattie was just trying to be upbeat like she always was – trying not to make Harm feel any worse than he already did. 'Soon' they had promised her.

Admiral Chegwidden had insisted on hosting a party for them the night before the wedding, although both of them were a little hesitant – each recalling bad memories from the last time he had done that for one of them. Secretly, Mac was glad she was going to be surrounded by a lot of people tonight – it gave less opportunity for those voices in her head to tell her things she didn't want to hear.

They stood on the porch waiting for the door to be answered and looked at each other with impish grins on their faces. Harm bounced up and down on the wooden boards, "I love this porch." He wiggled his eyebrows as if evoking a comment from her, but she only smiled and shook her head slowly as if he was some incorrigible toddler.

Harriet opened the door for them with a squeal, "It's sooo good to see you guys!" and gave them both a hug.

When they walked into the living room, Mac thought she might break-down right there and then with the group of people she saw assembled before her. Harriet and the Admiral had managed to track down pretty much everyone who'd ever been important to them. Harm's parents were there, the Admiral, Sturgis and Varese, Harriet and Bud, General Creswell and his wife, even Cammie and Mikey. Harm secretly wondered whether the General had allowed them to develop a relationship or whether they were both just there 'by accident'.

"Gunny!" she almost squealed as badly as Harriet when she saw her fellow Marine.

Harm gave him a friendly handshake and slapped him on the arm after Mac had given him a huge hug, "How the heck did they uncover you, Gunny? Or did Webb finally let you come in from the cold?"

Gunny smiled evasively, "Well, a little bit of both actually sir."

"Yeah, I get it, you could tell me but then you'd have to kill me, right?"

"Pretty much, sir", and then to change the subject, "and congratulations on your promotion by the way…"

At that moment, a familiar voice suddenly came out of the kitchen and added his own comment "… and on your engagement!"

"Tiner!" both Mac and Harm exclaimed in unison.

Mac ran across the room to give him a hug while Harm followed closely behind, overjoyed at Mac's change in attitude and hoping beyond all hopes that maybe she was coming out of whatever funk she was in lately.

"It's fantastic to see you, Jason." Harm shook the young man's hand, "So, are you graduated from Naval Justice School yet?"

"Yes sir, I'm stationed at the Trial Service Office in Mayport".

"Well no wonder you look so healthy and tanned" nodded Mac, jealous over his Florida posting and experiencing her first twinge of regret at not having ended up in San Diego.

Harm picked up on the subtle thoughts running through her mind – he knew her too damn well. "That's OK Mac – I hear the sun comes out in London every once and awhile too…"

"How the hell is Jolly Old England, anyway?"

Harm spun around and immediately grasped the Admiral's hand. "Admiral" Harm said with satisfaction "It's great to see you".

The Admiral was grinning ear to ear. "Likewise Rabb. I never thought I'd see the day…"

"What's that sir? The day that I finally got married?"

"No, the day that you finally made Captain! For awhile there, I was pretty sure you were going to start to go backward in rank."

Harm shook his head in defeat while everyone else had a good laugh at his expense. "Touché" was all he could muster with a slight smile.

Harm then took Mac's hand and brought her over to where Frank and his mom stood.

Harm actually blushed shyly as he said with a smile, "Mom, Frank… I'd like you to meet Mac… uh, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie".

Harm's mom smiled graciously, "That's OK darling, I think I'd prefer to call her Mac if that's alright – it's the only name I've heard come out of your mouth for the last nine years…"

Harm gave his mom a threatening smile, "Don't start, mom…"

Mac gave Harm a sideways glance as she shook Trish Burnett's hand good-naturedly. "It's an honour, ma'am – I've heard so much about you."

"Likewise dear, now just turn that 'ma'am' to a 'mom' and we'll be all set."

Mac put a protective hand to her lips to stifle her emotions at that comment. "Thanks," she said recovering with a smile, "I'd like that… but it may take some getting used to."

Harm wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "And this is my stepfather, Frank Burnett."

Frank smiled at her happily, "You are just as beautiful as Harm told us."

"Fraaaaank…." Harm blushed again.

Mac had trouble letting this part sink in. He'd not only talked to them about her before they'd gotten together, but he'd told them she was beautiful? The thought made her giddy. She looked up at Harm admiringly… wondering once again how she'd finally been lucky enough to make this man hers. "I could sure use a drink," she said honestly.

Hours later, after the two had gone around greeting their friends and collecting drinks, they had all somehow ended up sitting lazily around on the couches reminiscing of the old times. Mac sat close beside Harm with her fingers interlaced in his. Harm had one foot propped up on the Admiral's coffee table.

All was going well until someone decided to get the bright idea of delving into the history of their relationship. Mac couldn't fault them for it – most had worked alongside them for years and she could completely understand their need to know answers to questions they'd had about them all along. It was just that she hadn't really gone there that much with Harm yet, so she was hoping this conversation wasn't going to lead them into uncharted waters.

"Uh – oh" was all Harm could say. He let his head sink to the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling in surrender when he realized this was going to turn into a rather disarming game of relationship '20 Questions'. "Well, we'll try to answer you, but you have to understand – we don't really know what the heck went on there for awhile there either."

Harriet was the first to jump in, "ME FIRST! OK -When did you two first realize you had feelings for one another?"

Harm looked at Mac with a questioning smile but she beat him to it "You first, Flyboy."

"Oh great" he breathed out heavily – "now there's a loaded question." He rested his head on the back of the couch again and talked to the ceiling "Sometimes it always felt like I had feelings for her of some form or another – right from the get-go."

"Well that was pretty damn obvious Rabb – especially for those of us standing three feet away," the Admiral broke in. "How about telling us something we don't know?"

"Yeah, but that isn't fair because when you first met me all you could see was your ex-girlfriend who'd just been murdered!"

Harm chuckled "Well, I must admit – that did throw me off a bit at first… but you have to understand – you and Diane were completely different. It didn't take me long at all to get used to you being you and not Diane."

Harriet steered the conversation back on track, "OK – stop trying to evade the question councillor…"

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" Harm shot back defensively, then he turned to Mac with a shy smile, "I guess I'd have to say I knew I had feelings for you that night on the weather deck when you told me you had a tattoo."

Tiner broke in "You have a tattoo?! Where?!"

"Ahem", Harm put his arm around Mac defensively, "It took me nine years to find out where that tattoo is, and I'm not about to give away that bit of intel without a fight."

"OK – your turn next Colonel." Coates was loving this game.

Mac didn't have to think about her answer, "I knew I had feelings for you when you looked at me in that river bed while we were being chased by the crazed poachers. I still remember exactly what you said, 'Mac, I will get you through this… I promise'. The way you looked at me…" she dropped her eyes and smiled before shyly looking up to meet his gaze again, "…well, it left no doubt in my mind that you would be true to your word… and you always were".

There was a round of teasing "Awwwww's" from the crowd. Harm gave them all a narrow eye stare as a warning. "Hey – you were the one's that started this game."

"That's right dear, and we intend for it to continue," countered his mother. "Now let's get to the good stuff – when did you realize you were in love?"

Harm groaned in pain. Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to reply and when he realized this, he shifted his position on the couch uncomfortably – his eyes darting back and forth defensively between Mac and the crowd. "I don't know! I think it turned into love somewhere along the line without me even realizing it! I know I noticed something was up when I got so jealous over Dalton… but I don't think I realized it at the time. Same as there were a few times there… well looking back with 20/20 hindsight I'd have to say I should have known I was in love, but I think I was in denial." He laughed nervously.

"C'mon Rabb – fess up and stop dragging your ass. Answer the God-damn question!"

Harm eyed the Admiral warily – apparently he had no friends in this game. He took a deep breath and looked at Mac with a helpless laugh. "OK, well the first time I can definitely for sure say I knew I loved you was when we were saying good-bye in my office – when I left to go flying."

Mac took a sharp breath and smacked Harm in the arm "Damn you – I knew it! I knew you purposely evaded my question!"

"What did he say, what did he say???!" Harriet couldn't contain her excitement.

Mac crossed her arms in front of her and played the crowd like she was in a court room. She was starting to feel much better, and bringing up all these memories, with all of their old friends and some new ones, was making her feel like her old self again. "Well, we were saying goodbye. We were talking about the time earlier when I had left JAG to work at a civilian law firm with Dalton and I compared his leaving to mine. He said my leaving had been different because I had been in love…"

Harm leaned his head into his hand to cover his eyes, knowing what was coming.

"…When I replied with 'Well aren't you?', you said…" she looked at Harm intensely, trying to burn her eyes through the back of his hand and forcing him to answer for himself.

Harm didn't even look up, he just replied weakly "…'What's love got to do with it?'"

A sudden surge of angry boos emanated from the crowd and Harm was immediately pelted with a barrage of cheesies, pretzels and various snack foods.

"HEY!" he tactically covered his head with his forearms to defend against the incoming projectiles. "That's not fair! I was leaving to go flying – I was going to Pensacola and then to a carrier for months!" He turned to look at her. "As soon as you said that Mac, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks – I thought 'my God, I am in love!'. But almost as quickly as that realization hit me, the realization of making a declaration like that and then bolting out into the middle of the ocean for God knows how long wouldn't be fair to either of us. I had to have my head about me and it wouldn't have been fair to you…"

"Booooooo". Harm, was immediately pelted with more snack food. He leaned back into the couch, crossed his arms and began to sulk.

"OK Sarah – you're next." Even Frank was encouraging the game.

Mac grinned from ear to ear when she looked at her sailor acting as vulnerable as a little boy. She decided to be nice to him and leaned in a little closer, "Russia." was all she said.

Harm looked up at her through his eyebrows questioningly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah" she grinned. "I remember specifically sitting there in bed, watching you curled up on that awful chair you insisted on sleeping in…" Her gaze drifted off to another time fondly, "…you were having a bad dream. You called out for your dad, and then you called out for me. It sent electricity through my whole body. You looked so beautiful while you slept and the thought that you were thinking of me… well, I suddenly caught myself picturing you as the father of my children and how much I wanted to protect you from everything. It was then that it hit me - just like you said - like a ton of bricks. I suddenly knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt and I thought…" her tone quickly changed from wistful to stressful, "CRAP! How the hell did that happen?!"

The crowd broke into sudden laughter, once again at Harm's expense, as he tried to suffer a wounded look, but now it was only for effect. Mac leaned over and kissed him on the nose.

Sturgis took his turn "OK, so why the hell didn't either of you ever act on it? I mean, I understand the fraternization issue and all, but surely that wasn't the only reason?"

Mac chimed in defensively "Well I tried to act on it – one time in Australia if I do recall…"

The Admiral almost choked on his beer "Oh please! Don't take me back to Australia, for the love of God! I thought you two were going to give me a coronary."

Harm and Mac looked at each other solemnly, but Mac continued. "Well, I gave him a sort of 'out'. I suggested that we weren't in Washington, so technically…"

"Mac, that didn't wash – that would have technically been a one night stand as we wouldn't have been able to continue it once we got back to Washington…" he suddenly stopped, knowing what he had just committed himself to saying. "… and I… well, I knew that one night… wouldn't have been enough for me."

There was a deafening silence in the room as if everyone knew they were intruding on a private moment.

Harm realized the awkwardness of the situation and hastened to move the conversation along. He looked down at his hands in his lap. "Anyway, I knew that I wasn't ready to face the scenario of losing you as a partner once we got back to the States. And if you recall, I said 'Not yet', not 'No'. So chalk that one up for the defence."

"Sir, are you feeling a little ganged up on?" Tiner joked.

"Damn right I am!" Harm laughed. "Yeah, I may have been a little evasive at the beginning, but that was only because I wanted to make sure that when we did get together, we did it right." He turned serious again as he looked at Mac. "I just didn't want to screw it up I guess, but in trying to do that, it just got screwed up more." He took her hand in his and light-heartedly tapped it a couple of times on his thigh, trying to force a smile.

Something in Mac just suddenly broke when she comprehended what Harm had been saying. For years she had blamed him for not being ready to commit to her - even though she knew he had feelings for her. She had always chalked it up to his 'cocky jet-jock' need for independence or an innate fear of commitment. She'd never considered that he wanted her so badly, he was afraid of screwing it up and losing her altogether. She suddenly felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach when the realization hit her – it had been her fault all along. She had always been trying to change the man by getting him to say a specific thing that she wanted to hear, when all along he'd been trying to show her and she'd just been too headstrong to see it – 'telling' was just not Harm's way.

Harm had always been a man who felt that actions spoke louder than words and she knew that – why then had she been so focused on getting him to say something that he'd been showing her consistently all along? She'd been trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, when all she really needed to do was pick up a round peg. All those times that she went to other men because she wanted to punish Harm for being an immature coward, it was really her that was being immature – reacting out of some unhealthy need for retaliation. Harm had always been the one with the thoughtful and honourable intentions- she had been weak and vindictive. She suddenly felt sick and a little warm. A thin sheen of sweat seemed to break out on her upper lip so she wiped it away quickly. She couldn't let herself go to pieces here in front of everybody, but all she wanted to do was get out of there and get some air.

The Admiral caught on to Harm's attempt to lighten the mood and decided to take matters into his own hands "So you're saying that this whole thing could have been resolved years ago, except that you fumbled every pitch she ever threw at you."

Harm got defensive again – he was starting to get into this game. If he hadn't been so wrapped up in defending himself, he might have noticed that Mac had suddenly gotten a couple of shades paler. "Now if I remember correctly, I was the one that kissed you the first time – on the dock in Norfolk when we got Holbarth… WAAAY before Sydney…. and you were the one that didn't catch my pitch!"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Mac was making a valiant attempt to play along and hoping for an opportunity to excuse herself. "You weren't kissing me – you were kissing Diane!"

"You KISSED her that night!" Bud was astounded. "How did I miss that?"

Creswell threw up his hands in defeat, "OK, you guys are really losing me now. Crazed poachers, murdered ex-girlfriends… you two have had quite the… uh, interesting career at JAG … something makes me think I'm really glad I wasn't your CO until much later."

"Humph" replied the Admiral gruffly "Tell me about it".

Bud explained the events of the night that Harm had confronted Diane's killer on the dock at Norfolk.

"… and how the hell is it that I never learned that one of my senior attorneys had almost committed a murder?"

"Uh, pardon me Admiral" Mac looked at him knowingly, "but would you really wanted to have been read in on that one?"

AJ just scowled, "No."

Bud continued with the ending of the story "But the amazing thing was, because the Colonel was in one of Harriet's Navy uniforms, Holbarth thought she was the ghost of Diane come back from the grave! He was so frightened he backed himself right up to the edge of the dock, fell into the water and was crushed immediately by the hull!"

Creswell jumped in with incredulity, "I see, so you suddenly found this so romantic, you had to kiss her?"

Mac smiled. "No sir, it was just that I looked so much like Diane, Harm couldn't resist kissing her goodbye... I guess because he never got to…" She looked at Harm. "Right?" Harm just looked guiltily back at Mac. It took her a second to realize he wasn't agreeing with her. "Harm? You _**were**_ kissing Diane that night, weren't you?"

"Uh, actually... no Mac, I wasn't." He looked up at her through his eyebrows, they way he always did when he thought he might get in trouble.

Mac couldn't have been more stunned if Harm had suddenly grown a second head. "What do you mean?" she said numbly.

"Mac, I kissed you, because I was suddenly overcome by what you had just done for me. I had been on the verge of killing another human being in cold blood. I had done everything in my power to push you away and off the track and yet you still followed me – and in the end, saved me from myself. I loved you for it – like I said before, I only know that now in hindsight – but God Mac, I was totally overwhelmed with thankfulness and… well, whatever. When you said that you thought I was kissing Diane, I was a little stunned… and I guess hurt. I figured you had said that because you didn't have the same feelings for me, so I just let it slide. I thought it was the easiest way to save face and not put an awkward kink in our relationship."

It was then that Harm suddenly registered the colour of her face and realized this was a mistake. He wasn't sure why, but she had that haunted look in her eyes again. At that moment, Harm knew without a doubt that things were about to get very bad."

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

PART 7

CHEGWIDDEN RESIDENCE  
MCLEAN, VIRGINIA  
0320 ZULU

Mac leaned forward and grabbed her glass of soda water off the table with an unsteady hand. Harm was eyeing her warily, but luckily no one else seemed to register Mac's sudden mood change. Mac knew that storming out now would only bring suspicion and awkwardness to everyone… she just needed to get some liquid into her suddenly parched throat. Harm felt that awful knot of terror begin in the pit of his stomach and just wished everyone would go away so he could make sure Mac was alright. He hoped that soon everyone would tire of this game and he would get an opportunity to talk to her alone. Unfortunately it didn't look like that opportunity was going to come soon.

"OK Captain," Bud spoke up, "But what we're all dying to know is, what did you do to finally win her over?!"

Harm looked at Mac questioningly but Mac only returned a forced smile. "Ummm…" Harm ventured, "I'm not quite sure… I think I just kissed her."

Gunny had to jump on this one. "You mean you'd never tried kissing her before, sir? I mean… other than the time you'd kissed her when it wasn't really her…"

Everyone snickered at Gunny's comment while Harm turned slightly red. Mac decided to come to Harm's defence. "Actually, he had tried kissing me before… but it uh… didn't work out so well." She dropped her eyes into her lap with a smile.

"I thought you were the one that kissed me?"

Mac laughed a sad smile, "Well, I think it started that way… but you definitely kissed back."

"So what happened?" Harriet asked hesitantly.

Mac had to look away from Harm when she answered. "Well," she tried to joke, "I was sort of on the verge of getting married…" she looked up at the group "I'm sure you all remember my engagement party?"

Tiner slapped his leg with a shout and turned to Gunny "HA! You owe me twenty bucks Galindez! Ha, ha! After all these years I get my vindication! I knew you guys were making out on the porch!"

"Rabb!…" The Admiral would have been all over him if his mother hadn't beat him too it.

"Harmon Rabb, Jr! You kissed a woman at her own engagement party?"

"What's everybody ganging up on me for?" Harm stammered, "She just admitted she was the one that kissed me first!"

Mac couldn't help laughing as she covered the sides of her face and put her elbows on her knees. Now it was her turn to blush.

"Besides Tiner, we weren't out there 'making out' the whole time, it was just one kiss… one rather…intense kiss…" he reflected with a smile at Mac who was just barely managing a sideways glance at him from behind her hand.

Turner was shaking his head with an amused smile, "So, you were actually able to kiss her passionately, and then walk back in here and give her back to her fiancé?"

In exasperation, Harm fell back on the one phrase he thought he'd probably used the most in paraphrasing his relationship with Mac, "IT WAS COMPLICATED!"

This time both Harm and Mac were the intended target of a new barrage of snack food. Mac just shook her head slowly in her hands. Harm couldn't tell if she was alright, but he thought she looked like she might be laughing. He hoped to God she was.

"You know, sir" Gunny smiled as he handed Tiner a $20 bill, "I heard a very interesting bit of information that night, and now it has me pretty confused."

"Oh yeah?" Harm said cautiously. "What was that?"

"Well," he smiled with obvious glee, "Do you remember the girl I brought to that party?" he looked over at Tiner with a glare. "The one that the good Ensign kept hitting on…"

Tiner looked offended "I wasn't trying to hit on her…!"

"Well," Gunny just talked right over top of him, "You two probably don't realize this, but there were a few of us here running interference for you guys that night – because you were out there for so long…"

Harm shot Mac a guilty glance. "That obvious, was it?"

"Ummm… well, let's just say, you had a certain couple of people pretty worried there for awhile. Anyway, during one of our attempts to 'divert attention' shall we say, my girlfriend had quite an interesting conversation with Renée…"

"Uh-oh" Harm was pretty sure he didn't want to hear this.

"…During said conversation, Miss Peterson divulged that…" Victor couldn't stifle his laughter, "… well, let's just say that you had… at a very inopportune moment… once called her 'Mac'"

The entire group exploded with screeches and laughter and pummelled Harm with more food. Harm just curled his head into his arms and rested them on his knees. He was wondering if there was any possible way he could be swallowed up by the floor, if there was he would definitely be in favour of it.

"Yeah!" the Gunny allowed his voice to rise over the commotion, "I always assumed your slip had been out of 'habit' rather than 'fantasy' though, sir. Now after hearing about what really happened or didn't happen between you and the Colonel, I'd have to say I'm quite disappointed – I assumed you to be much more of a … 'man of action'…'

It was now Harm's turn to launch his own 'snack assault' on Galindez with a threatening gleam in his eye.

Mac just gawked at him with an amused, but stunned, expression on her face. "Oh my Gaaawwwwwd?" she questioned him for the validity of this statement.

Harm turned to look at Mac and was suddenly more red than anyone could have ever attested to seeing him. This state only verified the Gunny's intel and sent everyone into further peals of laughter. Harm thought the Admiral was going to fall of his chair he was laughing so hard.

"If you've all finished having a good laugh at my expense… I can explain… it's NOT what you all are thinking."

Sturgis was wiping the tears out of his eyes, "Yeah, buddy… I'm sure it's not."

"It's NOT! I had hit my head!"

"I guess you had dear!" his mother feigned an indignant attitude. This just sent the group into more peals laughter.

Harm looked at Mac for support but she was still just staring at him, stunned. "C'mon Mac – you remember! When I was acting JAG and I fell out of the Admiral's chair?"

"You fell out of my chair???..."

A knowing smile crept across Mac's features. "That's right! You kept acting strange toward me all day!" Her eyes narrowed as she stretched for memories. "If I recall, you called me 'Sweet Thing' and then tried to cop a feel…"

Bud didn't think he could breathe he was laughing so hard "Oh my God – I remember that day!"

Harm was almost indignant now "I wasn't trying to '_cop a feel_' – I was just… testing… to see if what I was seeing was right…" he started to stammer, "… it was just the strangest thing – I kept seeing you wearing these very…" even he started to laugh, "… well very sexy outfits let's just say. That night at my apartment, I had fallen asleep on my bed going through a case file I guess because I hadn't even realized Renée had come in. Well I guess she took a shower and then came out wearing a towel…" he turned to Mac shyly, "… only I didn't see her at all – I totally saw you. You can imagine my shock at seeing you coming out of my shower wearing nothing but a towel…"

The group broke into peals of laughter again.

"Good God Rabb," Creswell seemed genuinely concerned, "Did you ever get that checked out by a doctor? I mean, that's some pretty serious hallucinating!"

"OK – I have one last question for Colonel MacKenzie," even Coates – as much as she was loving this game – acknowledged the need that they had to let up on these two. "So, what was different about this last kiss? I mean, if he'd kissed you before and it hadn't resulted in you two getting together, what was different this time?"

Coates couldn't have known it, but she couldn't have asked a more vicious question of Mac if she'd tried. This same question had been haunting Mac for months but she'd refused to address it. Now she had no choice. She attempted a smile and looked at her hands folded in her lap. "Nothing." She looked over at Harm but couldn't meet his eyes. "I think we both just finally… well, stopped trying to force…" she sighed and regrouped, "… I guess we both just realized that we were facing the end of 'us', and that there was one over-riding factor here that we needed to acknowledge… that in the end, all the other stuff… work, our fears, expectations, egos, whatever… well they didn't really matter anymore. It was finally time to just… surrender, and let our feelings for each other take us wherever they were going to lead… instead of trying to force our feelings into doing what we wanted of them…." She struggled with her voice and then felt Harm pull her into his side and kiss the top of her head. She was trying desperately hard not to cry.

The group gave them another collective "Awwwwwww…", and then started to disperse good humouredly, still chuckling to each other about the Renée Peterson story.

Harm whispered into her ear "You OK, Marine?"

Mac didn't look up, "Yup" she replied into his chest.

"You know, it doesn't matter how we got together… or when. What matters is that we're together now."

"I know." She pulled away and looked at him, but again didn't meet his eye. "Harm, uh… would you mind getting me another drink? I seem to be a little dry after all that." She pretended to laugh.

Harm didn't really buy it, but agreed nonetheless. "Sure, I'll be right back."

Harm walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and immediately held it to his forehead. It was only now registering to him how out of control that situation had almost gotten. It was suddenly really warm inside this house. He still had the beer bottle to his head while he was pulling out a can of soda water for Mac.

"Hit your head again, Rabb?"

Harm looked at the Admiral sheepishly as he walked in. "No, I didn't. Although I'm almost positive I would have preferred it to what you guys just put us through out there."

"Hey – you're getting married! It's the only time people are totally fair game for that kind of stuff." He winked.

"I knew there was a reason I'd never gotten married before."

"Yeah… well don't sweat it. You waited for the right one."

Harm gave him a knowing smile and walked back out into the living room. He felt a slight surge of panic when he couldn't find Mac, but he wasn't surprised to find her where he did.

"Finding it a little warm, were you?" he asked amusingly as he stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him. He looked around, "It seems everything always comes back to this porch…"

She was leaning on her elbows on the railing, looking out into the dark. She gave him an amused smile, but no answer.

He put the drinks down, walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Are you OK, Mac?"

"Yeah," she leaned back into his embrace, then dropped her chin to her chest, "No" she sighed.

"Mac, tell me what's wrong."

"I don't think I can."

"You can't or you won't?"

Mac didn't answer that either.

Harm didn't want to go where this was going, but he needed to know. He turned her around in his arms so she was facing him. "Mac, don't you want to marry me anymore?"

Mac pressed her face against his chest and closed her eyes. "Oh Harm… I want to marry you so much… it's just that… I don't think I'm good for you… you deserve more than me…".

Harm grasped her shoulders and forced her to look at him, "Stop it." He said a little more forcefully than he'd intended – he'd almost felt like shaking her. He looked away for a moment, composed his thoughts, then took a breath. "Mac, do you remember what we were talking about in there a few minutes ago? About the night we kissed out here on the porch?"

"Yes?"

"Well, that night as you can imagine… I was torn up inside. I desperately didn't want you to marry Brumby, but at the same time I knew I couldn't talk you out of it. Not because I wouldn't have been able to had I tried, but because it wasn't up to me to decide. I tried every way I could to make sure you understood how I felt about you without coming out and saying it, because I knew it was the best I could do – try and show you how I felt and then let you make your own decision."

"Interesting tactic, but I almost made the wrong one…"

"… but you didn't Mac – that's the whole point. I let you make the decision that time because it was you that was getting married – I couldn't make that decision for you, no matter how badly I wanted to. Now it's your turn to let me make that decision too. You just told me that you want to marry me, now let me make the decision about whether I want to marry you – you're not allowed to make that decision for me." He held her even more firmly and looked her in the eyes. "You are all I've ever wanted Mac. I want to get married and spend the rest of my life with you – you're the only one I've ever imagined doing that with – you have to believe me…" he stopped only because he realized he was making her cry. "Mac, I think this time it's important that we just allow our love to 'happen' for once. You said it yourself in there – that's how we got where we are right now." He pulled her into an embrace. "Do you understand?"

Mac nodded her head in the affirmative and sniffed. "I surrender".

"… and do you still want to marry me?"

She nodded her head again, "I do"

"Hold that thought" he laughed, and then kissed her hair.

Just then Harriet tentatively peered out onto the patio. "Sorry to interrupt…"

"That's OK Harriet," Harm didn't release Mac from his embrace. It felt good to be 'caught' by their former co-worker and not feel the knee-jerk reaction to pretend there was nothing going on. "What's up?"

"Well, it's just that the party's pretty much breaking up and Bud and I are going to take off – we have to rescue the sitter. That means we're going to have to take Col. MacKenzie with us."

"I'll be right there Harriet" Mac didn't move her head from Harm's chest.

Harm breathed a sigh into Mac's hair as Harriet retreated. "I knew I was going to regret this idea."

Mac looked up at him with a smile "Hey, it's tradition apparently."

Harm put his forehead against hers and continued to look into her eyes. "Yeah, well if you ask me, it sucks. This will be the first night we've spent apart since… well, since we've been together. I kind of got used to waking up with you in my arms…" he smiled at her seductively.

"Well, think of it as being our first and last."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

"You can hold me to anything you want…"

"OK, now you're _**really**_ making me regret this idea…"

Mac reluctantly pulled out of Harm's embrace but held onto his hand as she started to walk toward the Robert's car. Harm allowed himself to be pulled along with her to the steps.

Before she got much further, Harm spoke up tentatively "So… we're OK then? I mean… uh… you _**are**_ going to show up tomorrow, right?" He tried to smile jokingly, but he more than half meant it.

Mac sighed and smiled "Yeah… I'll be there Flyboy."

Harm would have been relieved, but there was an element to her voice that was almost not convincing. "Good, because you know I'd have to hunt you down and kill you if you didn't show." He flashed her his best Flyboy grin – how could she resist that?

Mac smiled sweetly, leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. She tried to pull away, but Harm followed her lips and caught her behind her neck with his hand. She fell into his embrace and the kiss turned briefly passionate. They broke apart and looked at each other meaningfully.

"I guess some things never change, eh?"

Mac never broke the gaze "…and some things just keep getting better and better."

Harm smiled and hugged her closely. "OK Ninja-girl – see you tomorrow."

"Bye" she breathed sweetly. She started to turn away, then she changed her mind. "Harm? I love you more than life… don't ever forget that."

Harm almost froze. "Are you going to give me a reason to?"

"I'll try not to."

Suddenly all Harm could feel was frustration, '_Try_?' he thought. '_There is no **try**… there is only **do**!_' He dropped his head and stifled a laugh. Great, now he was hearing the voice of Yoda in his head. He had definitely been around Bud for too many years.

"What's so funny?"

Harm thought for a second that she was going to get angry and panic shot through him. "Nothing!" he stated defensively, then he softened his tone and smiled. "I'll uh… I'll tell you later. It was nothing." He waved his hand dismissively.

She turned to go again and suddenly he had so much he needed to say to her, "Mac!" She turned back and looked at him expectantly, but there was so much he wanted to say he didn't know where to start. He realized there was nothing more he could say so he just said "I love you too".

She smiled again. "I know." Then she was gone, down the steps and into the Robert's awaiting car.

Harm watched the car disappear, then turned and walked slowly back across the porch. He let his chin fall to his chest and scrubbed the back of his head with his hand while he recovered his beer from the railing.

The Admiral emerged from inside. "Everything OK with you two?"

Harm looked up, but didn't smile. "Yeah… I think so."

"Don't tell me you're getting cold feet?"

"No! No… it's uh… it's not me I'm worried about."

"Mac? Really?" AJ seemed genuinely surprised.

Harm tried to be evasive. "Well… it's probably just nothing…"

"…but?"

"No, it's just that… well, she seems to be a little … 'off her stride' lately."

The Admiral crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Meaning?"

Harm took a swig of his beer, looked at the Admiral for a second and then looked away. "I don't know… she just doesn't seem… like her old self lately. It's like she gets down in the dumps a lot… you know… blames herself for things that are not her fault…" he hated talking about Mac this way in front of anybody, even AJ, so he cut himself short.

The Admiral suspected how Harm was feeling so he saved him the need to elaborate. "It's probably just a little bit of cold feet." He tried reassuringly.

"Yeah" Harm feigned a smile, "Yeah, that's probably just it." He didn't look convinced and AJ knew it.

"You don't think she's going to call it off, do you?"

Harm shot a sharp glance at AJ, but couldn't respond right away. "I…" suddenly his mouth felt very dry. "I hope to hell not". He couldn't take his gaze off the Admiral as if he was suddenly going to hold all the answers.

AJ walked over and clapped Harm on the shoulder. C'mon Harm, I've got a box of Cohibas and 20 year bottle of Dalwhinnie I've been keeping for a special occasion."

"Uh… I think I'll pass on the cigar if it's all the same to you Admiral."

-----------------------------

CHEGWIDDEN RESIDENCE  
MCLEAN, VIRGINIA  
HARM AND MAC'S WEDDING DAY

25 JUNE 2005  
1350 ZULU

Harm was just finished shaving when he heard the Admiral's doorbell ring. As if he wasn't nervous enough already, it gave him a sudden feeling of dread as he wondered who would be there at this time of the morning. His fear was confirmed when he looked through the Admiral's window and saw one of the Roberts' cars parked in the driveway. He immediately strode out of his room toward the living room and came to a sudden halt when he saw Mac standing there looking at him. The Admiral was just closing the door behind her and he gave Harm a grim look.

"Harm, I need to speak to you."

She looked serious - this was not going to be good. He nodded out toward the porch. It was true – everything was always going to come back to this porch. She immediately crossed to the other side and didn't turn to face him.

Harm stepped out of the door slowly and closed the door gently behind him as if somehow being quiet would stop what was going to happen next. He stared at her for a moment and then couldn't take it anymore. "Please tell me you're not, Sarah." He wasn't quite sure if this was his own voice.

She turned quickly and stared at him. "I'm not what?" she said – thinly veiling a look of panic on her face.

He swallowed and then forced the unfamiliar voice to speak again. "You're not… going to… call off the wedding."

Mac hesitated only a moment for the words to sink in before she crossed the distance between them and fell against his chest. "Oh God no, Harm."

It only took a moment for Harm to recover as he held her to him. He didn't think he'd ever been so relieved in his life as he stroked her hair. "Then what's wrong?"

Mac looked up, almost stunned. "Wrong? No, nothing's wrong…" she broke free of the embrace and then turned away from him again, "…it's just that… I have some news." She waited for a moment for Harm to speak but he didn't. He was almost too afraid to break the silence. She spun around to face him "… I think I figured out what's wrong?"

"I thought you just said nothing was wrong?" It was a very bad attempt to be funny as in reality, he didn't know whether to be relieved or terrified. He opted for the fear, seeing as she felt the need to come immediately to him on the morning of their wedding day to tell him.

"Yeah" she finally smiled tentatively at him and took both of his hands. "Well... it seems that… well… that we're… going to have a baby."

Harm just stared at her like a deer in the headlights. "What?" he barely choked out.

She smiled fully now, "Harm – that's why I've been so emotional lately – it's hormones. Harm, I'm pregnant!"

Harm couldn't breath. "Are… are you sure?"

"Well I took the damn test 3 times – I'd have to say yes!"

Harm picked her up in an embrace and spun around in a complete circle. "Oh God, Mac – I can't believe it!" He put her back down and looked at her. "We really did it?" He put his hand to her middle gently. "We made a baby?" His voice was almost a whisper.

Mac couldn't believe it but there were tears in his eyes. She had seen Harm cry so few times – she was almost overwhelmed that this would be one of them. She unsuccessfully fought back tears herself and nodded "Yup – Harriet figured it out. I was telling her this morning how moody I'd been lately and…" she laughed, "…well, seeing how many times she's been pregnant… I guess she should know…"

Harm cut her off by clamping his mouth down on hers and trying to prove how in love he was with her. He finally let her go, "Screw the wedding – let's just go off into the bushes and celebrate…" he gave her that look with his head cocked over to one side and a seductive smile.

Mac couldn't help laughing. "Well I'd be all for that, Sailor – but I don't think our guests would be too impressed. Besides…" she ran her finger down his chest and leaned in as close as she could. "… we can celebrate later…" She leaned up to meet his lips and did her best at showing him how much she was in love with him. When she broke off the kiss, she looked at him sadly. "We probably shouldn't tell anyone about this just yet OK?"

"Sure, that's probably best." He hesitated for a second. "...but seeing as Harriet knows, do you mind if I tell the Admiral?"

"Sure – I'd like that" she smiled. "… and you know – if you'd like to have a celebratory cigar… well that would be perfectly fine with me."

Harm smiled shyly. "Thanks."

"I've got to get back now and get ready."

Harm groaned.

She started to walk away but wanted to add one last thing. "I just… well… I just needed to let you know – you know… in case you were afraid you were marrying a crazy person."

Harm smiled as he watched her walk towards the car. "Hey, I'm marrying a Marine – I already knew that."

"Ha, ha – very funny." She turned to open the car door.

Harm walked down the steps from the porch. "Mac?"

"Yeah?" she turned to him expectantly.

"Be careful driving…. I'm serious. Concentrate on what you're doing. I don't want you wrapping yourself around another tree…" he took another step towards her hesitantly and looked painfully serious. "You… well my whole world's in that car." His voice trailed off emotionally.

Mac ran swiftly back into his arms and held him with all her might. Tears streamed down her face. "I promise Harm. I'll be careful…. God, this all feels so right finally. How did we get so amazingly lucky all of a sudden?"

"I don't know," he breathed into her hair, "But it's starting to scare me."

"How about we just sit back and enjoy our happiness for once?"

He pulled back and looked her in the eyes with a smile. "I'm all for that, Marine" and he kissed her gently. When they broke apart he gave her a playful pat on the bottom. "Now get going – we've got a wedding to get to. I'll see you soon."

"You're damn right you will".

He watched her in awe as she climbed into the car and backed out of the driveway. 'Damn her backing into traffic like that' he thought with a slight smile and a shake of his head.

When her car was out of sight, Harm walked back up the steps to the porch. He was still in a fog when the Admiral came out to check on him once more.

He took one look at the stunned look on Harm's face and his stomach dropped. "Awww Harm… tell me she's not…"

Harm recovered from his daze quickly and stared at the Admiral. "She's not what?"

"Tell me she's not going to… cancel the wedding."

Harm just slowly shook his head. "No… uh…" he ran his hand through his hair. "… she just had some news."

AJ looked at the tears welling up in his friend's eyes and his heart constricted, but suddenly he thought he saw the trace of a smile creeping onto Harm's face.

"Well, it seems that…" now he was definitely smiling. He took a deep breath. "It seems that I'm going to be a Dad."

It all suddenly seemed clear to AJ. "HA!" he suddenly slapped his thigh, "Damn it Rabb – I should have known! It was the HORMONES!"

Harm smiled and wiped one of his eyes with the back of his hand. "Yeah".

AJ gave Harm a congratulatory slap on the back, "Congratulations 'Dad'" he was beaming from ear to ear but was clearly disappointed in himself for not recognizing the signs. "Damn it, I should have known that." He tipped his head down to show Harm the top of his head. "Do you see this scar? Marcella clocked me with a can opener in her second trimester…"

Harm smiled "Why don't you tell me this story over that cigar you offered me last night.?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

PART 8

CHEGWIDDEN RESIDENCE  
MCLEAN, VIRGINIA  
1535 ZULU

Harm and the Admiral sat in his living room in a sea of cigar fog, sipping scotch at 11:30 in the morning and grinning at each other from ear to ear.

"Well son, I'd say this situation eventually turned out for the better."

"That would be the understatement of the century, sir" Harm just grinned. "I tell ya though – this all still seems pretty surreal." He wiggled his feet back and forth on the coffee table and shook his head slowly. "Even six months ago I never dreamed I'd be at this point."

"Yeah, you had a pretty rough year, didn't you?"

"Yeah, we both did sir."

"Hmmm… that's right, I heard that Mr. Webb faked his death once again." He paused briefly and looked at Harm with concern. "She took that pretty hard, did she?"

Harm looked at the Admiral warily. "Well sir, there was that… and…" Harm wasn't sure Mac would want him broaching this subject with the Admiral, but he really felt the need to share it for some reason. Besides, Mac had said she could tell him about the baby and she certainly didn't stipulate any parameters. "…well, let's just say that this baby is a blessing in more than one way…"

The Admiral's eyebrows shot up with interest. "Really?"

Harm smiled. "Yeah, well… we found out just around the time of your retirement party that Mac was diagnosed with endometriosis. They gave her less than a 5 chance at being able to conceive a child. It shook her up pretty badly."

"Really? I mean, that's awful, but I had no idea she was even considering having children. Don't tell me she was considering children with Webb?"

Harm was suddenly so jealous by that statement he uttered a very convincing "No!" before he knew it was out of his mouth.

Once again, the Admiral raised his eyebrows as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Harm suddenly got very uncomfortable and shifted positions on the couch. "No sir, it was just that… well, we had talked before about her desire to have children… and… well, I knew it was coming up to… well, her biological alarm clock was about to go off?"

He stated the last part as a question – withering under the Admiral's glare.

The Admiral talked slowly, as if he was questioning a witness in court and wanted to make sure the jury understood the whole situation. "I see, so you're saying that you two could never communicate your emotions to each other enough to even go on a date, but you did manage to discuss her intensely personal desire to have children?"

Harm looked up at the Admiral through his eyebrows and fingered the rim of his glass absent-mindedly. "Yes?" he paused before he added "…aw what the hell… sir, we had a sort of… well – 'pact'."

"A pact." The admiral said this as a statement more than a question, like he almost always did when he couldn't believe what Rabb was about to say.

"Yes sir. The day that AJ Roberts was born, Mac was feeling a little low. She said she felt like her biological clock was going off and she kept hitting the snooze button."

AJ grunted a laugh in response.

"So I… well, sir… I kinda suggested that if in five years neither of us were in a relationship, we'd … sort of… have a baby together."

"Rabb of all the hair-brained… why the hell would you suggest something like that?"

Harm looked down at his drink in his lap and smiled. "I don't know sir, I guess it was just a way of tying myself to her. I knew even then that I didn't want her out of my life – I was afraid of letting her go, but also equally afraid of having her and then screwing it up. I guess I felt that if we had a child together – it didn't matter how badly I messed things up afterwards, because I would always be tied to her somehow… forever."

The Admiral shook his head in amusement. "I just can't believe she agreed to it."

Harm smiled shyly. "Well, I guess the Colonel knows a good deal when she hears it."

"Or she was thinking the same thing as you were…"

Harm paused thoughtfully and shook his head slowly. "I just can't believe it. I mean, just being with her finally has barely even sunk in. Now we're going to be married and before you know it we're going to have a baby… it's all a little overwhelming."

AJ leaned forward and tapped Harm's shoe. "Well don't let it sink in just yet, we've got to get you to a wedding in a little over an hour."

Harm looked at his watch and stood up in a panic "Holy crap!"

Harm and the Admiral immediately abandoned their former posts and dashed hurriedly around the house, dressing and gathering in acute desperation. They were out of the house and getting into the Admiral's car in less than 7 minutes. 'Mac would be impressed' thought Harm with a smile. 'Well, unless of course, she knew why he had had to rush…'

The Admiral and Harm looked at each other in smug satisfaction as they seated themselves in the car and closed the doors. "No problem." Harm uttered confidently and smiled as the Admiral turned the key in the ignition. Their smiles turned to sickening dread when the next sound they heard was nothing but a tell tale 'click, click, click, click, click'.

Harm and AJ stared at each other in sudden disbelief. "Oh, she's gonna kill me…" Harm groaned.

They both pulled out their cell phones simultaneously. The Admiral took charge. "You call a cab, I'll call Bud and get him to stall."

Harm just nodded at the Admiral, looking suspiciously like a deer caught in the headlights.

U. S. NAVAL ACADEMY CHAPEL  
ANNAPOLIS, MD  
1712 ZULU

"No ma'am, it's just that I don't think everyone has arrived yet…"

"Well, who do you think isn't here yet, Bud? …And for God's sake stop calling me Ma'am – it's my wedding day!"

"Well, I don't know specifically, m… - it's just that there are some… uh… empty seats still and…"

"Tough luck, Bud! If they can't be on time for somebody's wedding, they shouldn't expect it to be delayed until they bloody well feel like showing up, can they?"

"Uh… technically no, ma'am, but I guess it really depends on who you are…"

"Bud – nobody is important enough to…" suddenly it occurred to Sarah MacKenzie exactly _**who**_ it was that was late for her wedding. She walked towards Bud in a threatening manner. "Bud, are you trying to tell me that…"

Her sentence was cut short by the sound of a car door slamming outside. Both Bud and Mac turn to look out of the window and saw two rather tall Naval Officers in Dress White uniforms stepping out of a cab and looking rather guilty. Harm straightened his uniform nervously and warily looked around as he handed some money in through the cab window.

"Oh, you are so busted, Flyboy." Mac muttered threateningly as Bud let out a sigh of relief. 'It's a good thing you look so damn fine,' she had wanted to add, but kept it to herself.

"They had car trouble, ma'am." Bud offered in defence.

"Save it councillor." Mac snapped – "You're busted too."

"Yes, ma'am!" Bud came to attention in mock fear, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Mac just shook her head and turned away to hide a smile of her own.

THE MELROSE HOTEL  
2430 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE NW  
WASHINGTON DC  
0420 ZULU

Mac lay wide awake, wrapped in the arms of her husband and relishing every last bit of the moment. She wasn't even sure if Harm was still awake – he hadn't moved or said anything in a very long time, but she hadn't yet noticed the tell tale sign of his even breath in her ear that always signalled to her he had fallen asleep.

The events of the day were playing over in Mac's mind and she smiled sweetly as she lived them over again – the way he had looked – and the way he had looked at her as she had walked up the aisle to him. Even though she had given him a teasing reprimand about his being late when the Admiral had finally delivered her to him at the alter, there was no way she could stay mad at him with the look he had on his face. She hadn't been able to help a slight feeling of recrimination towards herself at the effect the Navy Whites and Gold Wings had eventually had on her. She had remembered once telling Harm they were over-rated - 'Ha' she thought – 'not with this man they're not.' Even the smell of him had her mesmerized today – that aftershave, that spicy scent of Harm, and today – the mildly sweet smell of a cigar that she could detect ever so slightly. Instead of angering her, it had made her smile even more – cementing in her mind just how well she knew this man she was about to marry.

But of the whole day, she thought she would probably remember most the vows they had made to each other. Mac had to admit, Harm had more than pleasantly surprised her by what he'd written. She had figured when he had insisted so much on keeping them a secret until the end, that he had something good up his sleeve – but the degree of 'good' had almost knocked her off her feet. Even now she thought she could remember every word in her head;

'Sarah, though our life may not always be as perfect as it is at this moment, I promise to give you all that I know how to give. We have already been through so much together, and I'd like to think that these past nine years have been preparing us for this moment and for our future together. I promise to be there for you in laughter and tears, in sickness and health. I vow not to ever let the sun go down on our anger, and to treat each morning as a new day to love you. If our lives should become difficult, I promise to stand by you because I know that together we will be stronger than we could be alone. I will never forget this vow, and I will strive to show you my love for the rest of our days. You are everything I need. I love you and will for all eternity. This is the promise I make to you'.

She thought 'for all eternity' had been the line that got her the most. Not 'til death do us part', but 'for all eternity'. The impact of that statement had almost rendered her speechless. She had seemed to be caught in his eyes and unable to break the spell no matter how hard she tried. It had almost reminded her of their early days together – the times when he had mesmerized her so much she had become tongue tied and unable to speak. She forced herself to get over that because she had hated the power he had over her – the same power she figured he had over most any woman he wanted. Now she loved that feeling – loved being captivated by him and losing herself in his eyes. She loved that now because she knew that she was the only one that he looked at that way.

She had learned so many new things about Harm these last couple of months. As she lay there in his arms she marvelled at how she could know someone so well for so many years, and then suddenly have the ability to discover so many new things about him that she suddenly felt as if she hadn't ever really known him at all. They were little things for the most part - for example, they way Harm liked to 'cocoon' them after they'd finished making love – like they were right now. It had almost made her laugh the first time he had done it, but it had also been so… indescribably sweet, that she had almost been in awe. Now she was used to it because he did it every time – brought the sheets around them both, rolled her on top of him slightly and then roller her back – in effect, locking the sheet underneath them so they almost couldn't move. At first she couldn't figure his motive, but then she realized that it was his way of keeping her in his arms even after they'd fallen asleep. There was no need to hang on to one another as they were pretty much stuck that way. 'Always have to be in control, don't you Rabb? Even in your sleep?' she thought with a smile. At first Mac didn't think that she would be able to sleep like that for very long, but she had been pleasantly surprised. For some reason it gave her some of the deepest and most wonderful rests she had ever had.

Another new thing she had learned about Harm had been the way his eyes always glazed over when they made love. Not a 'glazed-over' that indicated he was tuning out or somewhere else, but a mesmerizing glaze that seemed to indicate he was so focused that nothing could deviate him. There was never a particular time that it happened, they could start out by being playful - laughing and joking one minute, and then invariably at some point she would look up and it would have happened. That glazed-over intense glare that would immediately ensnare her own.

They had been like that tonight – usually once Harm's eyes glazed over, there was very little if anything ever said until it was over – there were no need for words because everything could be read between them through their eyes. Tonight had been different however and he had spoken to her with a painfully serious look;

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt the baby." He whispered.

It was only then that she realized his right hand was on her middle – his thumb tracing small circles around her belly button. A smile and tears had come to her eyes at the same time. "Oh Harm, you're not going to hurt the baby… I promise."

His gaze nor facial expression changed. "All the same… I'll be gentle… just in case."

Mac couldn't resist the tease, "Don't be gentle… be good."

For a moment Mac thought that Harm wasn't going to get the reference, but just inches above her lips he released that short sound Mac was never quite sure whether it was a laugh or a sob. Then she noticed the smile, just before his lips touched hers with excruciating tenderness.

Mac smiled remembering the achingly slow and passionate love they had made. It was then that a thought had occurred to her. She remembered telling Harm once on the Coral Sea that he had the habit of replacing one obsession for another – first his father, then Roscoe, then Dar-lin, then returning to a carrier… at one point she hoped it may have even been her, but she didn't ever want to admit that… now it was the baby. Yes there was no doubt she thought with a smile, 'I don't know if this is healthy, but Harmon Rabb is definitely once again obsessed.'

"Mac? Are you awake?" Harm said quietly.

"Yup"

"I can't sleep."

"Me neither."

There was a slight pause while Harm considered his next thought.

"You feel like taking a walk?"

"A walk? Through D.C.? In the middle of the night? Are you insane?"

Harm smiled. "OK, maybe not so much a walk as… I'd like to go visit someone."

"Harm, it's 12:30 in the morning."

"I know. He won't mind."

VIETNAM VETERAN'S MEMORIAL WALL  
WASHINGTON, D.C  
0512 ZULU

Harm and Mac stood at the Wall in front of a name that they both knew well. Harm stood behind Mac with his hands clasped in front of her belly and his head bowed and resting on her left shoulder. He was quiet for so long that Mac dared not break the silence – wondering if he wasn't saying a prayer of some sort. Finally he lifted his head and his hand and gently caressed the letters of the name in front of them.

"Hey Dad." He smiled. "It's been a while, eh? Well, things have been pretty crazy in my life lately… you're probably not going to believe it." He stopped and gave Mac a squeeze, lowering his cheek against hers. "You remember Mac don't ya?" He laughed. "Yeah, I know I talked about her often enough… well, as I guess you can tell, we're finally together. No thanks to my doing by any means though – I guess fate finally got sick of our little dance and took things into it's own hands. They were going to do the unthinkable, Dad – they were finally going to post us apart!" He laughed quietly again. "Yeah, it's true, I've been posted to a new billet outside of Washington – London, England actually – and they actually saw fit to promote me as well, which I'll never figure out seeing as in the last year I managed to resign my commission and shoot an unarmed civilian aircraft out of the sky... I guess someone pulled some strings for me, I don't know.

I guess this means I'm not going to be able to come and visit you quite as often anymore - although we will be here this Christmas – so our regular Christmas Eve date still stands for this year.  
Anyway, Dad… I just wanted to tell you our good news… Mac and I got married today. It was really nice and… well…" his voice got quietly emotional, "… I sure wish you could have been there." He brushed a quick kiss along Mac's cheek and brightened his voice. "Mac was so beautiful you should have seen her. I almost couldn't keep my eyes off of her… like usual…" He placed his chin on the top of her head. "And finally Dad, we have one last bit of news and this is the best of all…" He hugged Mac to him even more tightly. "… we found out today we're going to have a baby." He kissed her hair and then wiped a stray tear into it as he laughed slightly. "I bet you'd given up hope that you'd ever become a Grandpa, huh Dad?"

There was a silence so Mac tried to look up at Harm but he was hiding his face in her hair. She reached up herself and began to trace the letters in front of her reverently. "Hi sir…" she started awkwardly, "… I've heard so much about you I feel like I already know you…"

"Mac," Harm whispered in her ear. "Call him 'Dad'… please. I know he'd want you to… I want you to…"

Mac reached her hand up to gently find the side of her husband's face and he nuzzled a kiss into her palm. She took a deep breath and started again. "OK… 'Dad'… I want you to know what an honour it is for me to be able to call you that… and what an honour it is to have been brought into this family." She smiled, "I never had a very good family life growing up… we couldn't even manage to be there for each other when we were all still alive. Somehow your family has managed to be there for each other even when separated by death… and… well, I want you to know… through all the years I've known Harm… that has always been an inspiration to me. I always wanted to be part of a strong family and now… well, that dream seems to have come true." She cleared her throat and brushed a tear out of her eye with a laugh. "You'll have to excuse me, Dad… It's just that I'm not used to my dreams coming true."

Harm nuzzled another kiss into her neck for support.

Mac raised her hand back to the letters again. "I guess I just want you to know that this baby will always know love, always know his Grandpa and his family roots… I promise to try and be as good a Mom as I can possibly be and… I promise not to let you down…"

Harm brought his hand up to cover his wife's and held it there against the lettering. "I promise too, Dad… I won't let you down either. We're going to be the strongest family anyone has ever seen – unshakeable… 'cause I've learned that's the most important thing in life… the love of your friends and family can get you through anything." He looked at Mac as he brought her hand back down to her belly. "… and sometimes your friends can be your family without you ever even realizing it."

Mac turned in his arms, reached her hands around the back of his neck and kissed him. "I love you, Harm."

"I love you too, Sarah." He whispered as he brushed a tear out of her eye. Then he turned and upraised eyebrow at the Wall." See Dad, I told you she was crazy."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

PART 9

NATIONAL REHABILITATION HOSPITAL  
FIRST STREET NW  
WASHINGTON, D.C.

28 JUNE 2005  
1430 ZULU

Mac was driving one of the Robert's cars down to the Rehab Hospital to meet Harm and Mattie. After the whirlwind of the weekend, they had unfinished business to take care of on that Tuesday morning – the hearing to gain custody of Mattie. Mac had stayed behind after the hearing to finish up the paperwork while Harm went ahead to tell Mattie the good news. The hearing had been successful and they had been granted temporary custody. Tom hadn't even contested – hadn't even sent representation. Harm had tried his old watering holes yesterday in order to make sure he even knew the hearing was taking place, but he hadn't been able to locate him.

As Mac pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, she felt butterflies in her stomach. She was about to see Mattie for the first time as her new 'Mom'. Even though it was only temporary custody – it was the first in a series of steps that would make the 'Mom' thing a reality. This first step seemed to her by far to be the biggest.

As she walked down the hallway towards Mattie's room, she was surprised to hear the sound of raised voices – even more surprised to identify one of them as Harm's. As she turned to enter the doorway to Mattie's room, she was almost knocked over by her new husband who was making a very determined exit from the room. He stopped short and glared at Mac with eyes flashing a very intense shade of green. He took a breath, like he was about to say something to her, but then turned away and clamped his mouth shut. Without even looking at her again, he stormed down the hallway.

"Harm?"

He didn't even turn around. She fought the urge to go after him, deciding instead it might be easier to get the story out of Mattie first. She cautiously entered the room and gave Mattie a tentative smile. "Hey there?"

Mattie looked up with red-rimmed eyes. "Hey" she replied dejectedly.

Mac ventured further into the room. "Uh… what was that all about?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No, uh… he didn't stop to explain after he drove over me out in the hallway…"

Mattie groaned. "Oh, he's really mad at me."

Mac sat down on the chair next to the bed. "Yeah, I kinda gathered that. Any particular reason or is it just 'National Get-Angry-At-Children-In-The-Hospital Day?"

Mattie broke a small smile for the first time. "No, I pretty much made him that way all on my own." She looked up at Mac tentatively. "I'm really sorry Mac – I really appreciate all you guys are doing for me and I want you to know that I still want us to be a family and all… hell, you guys are the only family I have now…"

Mac felt a blush cross her cheeks. "But…?"

"…but it's just that it looks like I might be well enough to go to college this year after all. I just have to finish the high school exams I missed because of the accident. Mac, I had made plans... before the crash – I have friends going to college where I want to go. People who'll help me get through the year – Jen has promised to do whatever she can to help me." She looked sadly at Mac, "I just don't know if I want to pick up and move to England and start over there from scratch. I mean, I know I'd have you guys but…"

Mac stopped her from needing to finish. "Honey, I completely understand – you don't need to explain."

"Really?"

"Really." Mac replied confidently. "You're 17 years old Mattie – you're about to start out on your young life. Harm unfortunately took on his roll as 'Father' over you right at a time when most kids are coming out from under their parent's wings." She took Mattie's hand. "Listen kiddo, you know Harm – he always wants to be the protector – wants to be there and help as best he can. It's not going to be easy for him to let you go so soon."

Mattie looked down at the sheets and then back up at Mac. "Do you think you'll be able to smooth things over with him?"

Mac smiled a sly smile at her and replied confidently. "I think so…" she held up her left hand and rolled the rings there back and forth with her thumb. "…I've got an ace-in-the-hole now." She winked.

Mattie grinned at her. "I think that is awesome, by the way. Saturday was so great – such a beautiful wedding. I always knew you guys would sort yourselves out."

Mac looked surprised. "How did you know there was anything to 'sort out'?"

Mattie just grinned again. "Oh, Harm told me."

"What? He told you what?"

"That he loved you."

"When did he tell you that?!"

Mattie rolled her eyes up to the ceiling in thought. "Oh maybe a year ago I guess."

Mac just shook her head in wonder. "Just out of the blue he told you that?"

"No, but I could sense something between you two, so I just asked him one day… and he told me." Mattie could sense Mac's frustration and uneasiness even though she was trying to hide it with humour. "See Mac, that's one thing I'm sure you must have known about Harm but you never used to it's full extent – he'll never lie. Surely to God you of all people know that. If you really want to know something, you just have to come out and ask him. You just have to make sure you don't give him an option of answering cryptically – and if he does, just ask him again in a different way. Eventually he'll have to answer you truthfully – it's just the way he is."

Mac shook her head slowly in wonder. For such a young kid Mattie sure was wise beyond her years. And she had been able to paraphrase Harm to a tee – and tell her something she always knew, but hadn't ever really admitted to herself. She had always had the ability to get answers from Harm, she had just never tried hard enough – maybe because she was afraid of the answers she would get. She looked at her hands and then looked up and smiled at Mattie. "You are a very smart girl – you know that, don't you?"

Mattie looked sarcastically back at Mac, "Well, that's what I keep trying to tell my teachers but they never believe me!" she winked.

Before Mac had even thought about it, she stood up, leaned over the bed and gave Mattie a gentle hug as best she could. "How 'bout I try and go smooth things over with the old man?"

Mattie smiled at her. "I'd like that. Thanks."

Mac pointed a finger at her as she disappeared through the door. "Don't thank me yet - you haven't seen the results!"

"I have faith!" Mattie called through the doorway.

Mac smiled as she walked down the hallway. Did they just have mother/daughter moment she wondered? Well, whatever it was, it felt awfully nice.

Mac walked out into the bright June morning and scanned the immediate vicinity of the hospital grounds. She didn't have to look far to find the figure of the man she was looking for. He was sprawled out on the park bench, one leg stuck straight out with his heel on the grass in front of him, both elbows hooked behind the back of the bench, spitting sunflower seed shells angrily into the breeze. She approached him silently from behind but he still sensed her presence.

"What are you doing?"

He let fly another shell into the air. "Trying desperately not to smoke."

She walked forward and sat herself next to him on the bench. "I knew those things would suck you back in."

"Mac, please… don't start…"

"Don't start with what? The cigars or the adolescent tantrum you're throwing."

"_**I'm**_ throwing!?" he turned and glared at her.

Mac just glared back at him without wavering. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Harm clamped his mouth together and looked away. "Didn't she fill you in?"

"She did, but I'm wondering if you somehow heard a different story, because the story I got didn't seem to warrant this kind of behaviour from a sane human being."

Harm turned to her angrily. "Mac! She wants to stay here by herself! How could I let her do that?! What kind of parent would I be if I took off to another continent and left her here on her own?!"

"Well, I've got news for you Flyboy – you already did that."

"Mac! I had no choice! You know that! How could you say that to me?!"

"Harm, I'm saying that she was fine while we were in England, wasn't she? She had friends to look after her – she had Jen…"

"Yes, but that's not the point..."

"Yes, that is exactly the point Harm! Listen, not that I'm an expert on this by any means, but I understand that you reach a point in parenting when you have to let your kids go and do what they need to do."

"But Mac, we just got custody of her…" he was almost whining.

"Yes, and because of that, Mattie knows that she will always have a place to come to if she needs us. She knows that she can depend on us for anything. But Harm, you know she is more than capable of doing this. She's going to be in this Hospital for a while still, and then maybe when the time comes for her to leave here, she'll be able to move back in with Jen. Harm, you know this is the right thing for her. Shipping her back to London with us is only good for you."

Harm just angrily spit another projectile shell into the air. "It feels like I'm failing her, Mac."

"You know you're not."

"What if there's an emergency and I'm not here for her?"

"We'll make sure that others will be."

"I miss her Mac."

"I know." She put her hand tentatively on his thigh. "That's the part that I can't fix for you."

Harm covered her hand with his, but continued to stare into the distance. Once again he hated it when she was right. How the hell was it that he had beat her in court so many times anyway?

Mac got up and held her hand out to Harm. Harm just stared at it sullenly.

"Mac… I can't." He choked. "You were there at the Wall on Saturday night. I promised my Dad. I promised him we'd be a family that nothing could break apart…"

"… And nothing will, Harm. We are making this family strong by letting Mattie fly when she needs to." She once again held out her hand for Harm to take. "Don't do this, Harm – don't make this about you."

Harm just stared at Mac with a look of awed silence. The look in his eyes lasted long enough that it made her almost uncomfortable and she shuddered. The shudder was obvious enough for Harm to notice and it broke him out of his spell.

"Mac?" he said with concern.

"Nothing. It's just…" she smiled, "… I had a little déja-vu there."

"Weird. So did I." he said with a stunned expression.

"Really? Do you remember where from?"

Harm sat himself up slowly. "Yeah… actually I do." He looked at Mac with a slight smile. "Do you remember when your Dad died?"

"How could I forget?" she smiled and sat down again beside him.

"The Admiral went away on personal business and I was in charge of the office while he was gone?"

"Yeah?"

"We were sitting in his office at the end of a very long day – the day my vette was stolen…" he cringed, "…and I was asking you how it had been… you know, with seeing your mom and stuff…"

"… and I thanked you for those beautiful flowers you had sent me…"

"… you had gotten through that whole situation like such a real trooper… all by yourself… and you sounded so… together." He laughed embarrassedly and looked at his shoes before looking up again. "I was listening to you and thinking how proud I was of you for getting through that… and then I suddenly noticed the way the setting sun was shining through the window and illuminating your face and it was like…" He stared at her seriously. "… it was like I saw you in a whole new light, Mac. And I knew at that moment that I had to have you." He looked down again. "I think I didn't understand if it was lust… or love… but I knew that somehow, someday, I had to have you…" He looked up and caught her gaze with his eyes. "Mac, I know I don't tell you this often enough, but you really are one of the wisest people I know…"

"You mean you don't just want me for my body?" she smirked sarcastically.

Harm cupped her cheek and gave her a flyboy grin. "Oh, sweet thing you know I do…"

She nuzzled the palm of his hand and he took his hand away and picked up hers. For a moment he just stared at the rings on her left hand and twisted them around her finger absent-mindedly – like he was waiting for something to register.

"… but you keep me grounded, Mac. You always have. I guess that's one of the reasons I love you so much. I know it probably didn't seem like it sometimes, but I always wanted your opinion. You were always the first one I looked to for advice - and in later years – even when I didn't come to you as often, it wasn't because I didn't want to… it was just pride holding me back…"

Mac put her finger to his lips. "Shhhh…" she breathed with her lips just inches from his. "I know…" she tentatively kissed his lips and he closed his eyes in surrender. She held his head in her hands and they stayed that way for a moment – not taking the kiss any further, but not pulling away. Finally she kissed his cheek and whispered again. "I know Harm. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You were one of the only men I ever knew that respected me as an intellectual equal and not just…" she sat up straight and looked down at her front. "… well, you know… 'boobs'"

Harm laughed, "Well, I can't honestly say I didn't notice those…"

Mac smiled at him and slapped his arm playfully. "Well, I guess we do make a pretty good team, you and I."

"Only when you let me do the thinking."

"Only when you let me do the talking." She smiled while they continued to look at each other in comfortable silence. After a brief moment, she continued. "So you're saying that you're going to go apologize to Mattie? Let her stay here?"

Harm pursed his lips briefly and nodded his head. "Yeah… yeah I will Mac… but could you give me a little time? I just need to sit here a while by myself and come to grips with this whole thing."

Mac tentatively agreed. "Sure." She stood up and gestured to the car. I guess I'll just head back to Bud and Harriet's…"

"Thanks"

She walked backwards a few steps and then turned with a reassuring smile and walked back to the parking lot. Harm followed her with his eyes as long as he could. In his mind he was replaying the events of Saturday. He truly couldn't believe how beautiful she had looked coming up the aisle in her wedding dress. His mouth had suddenly gone dry and he must have turned pale or something because Bud had asked him if he was alright. All he could remember was that everything had suddenly seemed so real at that point, and yet also like some sort of dream. The exact same feeling had come over him later when she stood there and made a vow to him. He thought he could still remember her exact words;

'Harm, I take you as my best friend for life. I promise to stand beside you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through joy and sorrow. I want to spend the rest of my life hearing your thoughts and seeing your dreams. I promise to do my best to make our lives better and better from this day on because I am so amazed by you. Our love may be like the ebb and tide of the ocean, but it will always flow. Through the good and bad, I want you to always know that I will be by your side, and at this moment I know that all my prayers have been answered and that all of my dreams have come true.'

He had just wanted to kiss her right then and there – it was all he could do to hold back and wait for the appropriate time – that stupid appropriate time. Why couldn't he just kiss her whenever he wanted to? He'd waited nine years for that privilege and he didn't want to take a step backwards.

And finally, later as they exited the church as man and wife for the first time and they had approached the sabre arch, the light had played a trick on him and glinted off the awaiting car at the end of the arch at such an angle that it was blinding and he could see nothing else. It was like he was suddenly stepping into a bright white light as if stepping into the unknown – something that had formerly terrified him. He had been immediately overwhelmed with panic, but then he had caught sight of those people that were making up the arch – Bud, Keeter, Tiner… they all looked so confident and happy – like they knew this was the way things were supposed to be… and these people loved him – they wouldn't lead him into a new life that was wrong. Then he turned to kiss Mac and all apprehension dissolved immediately. Her eyes held such love and devotion that he couldn't believe he had questioned what he was doing at all. He had stepped into that arch without reservation – no longer afraid of what the unknown had to offer. After about three steps, the sun was no longer reflecting off the car with the same angle and he could clearly see what was at the end of the sabre arch, but by that time he knew it know longer mattered.

The sound of his cell phone quacking snapped his thoughts back to the present. '_**Quacking**_'???? He laughed and shook his head – it sometimes amazed him that they had recently been able to recapture the humour and camaraderie that their earlier relationship had held - back before things had all gone to hell in a hand basket. They had at one point been great practical jokers. Mac's favourite was to tape down Harm's telephone handset and then call him. Harm on the other hand was more into the craftier aspect of his pranks. Always changing them up and coming up with something new. His personal best was the one time he had stolen the ball out the mouse on her computer. She had restarted her computer three times and finally had Tiner in there trying to figure out why her cursor wouldn't move by the time she had the wherewithal to look up and catch the shit-eating grin on Harm's face. Now apparently they were downloading outrageously silly ring-tones into each other's cell phones. He grinned emphatically as he answered the phone "Rabb."

"Hi – it's Harriet!" the voice at the other end said.

"Hey Harriet – what's up? If you're looking for your car, Mac's on her way back right now."

"No – that's not it actually. I… uh… I was just wondering if I could talk to you later. I have something kind of important to discuss and I don't want to do it over the phone…." She hesitated awkwardly. "I just wondered if you had time for a little chat before you guys leave tomorrow."

"Sure Harriet." Harm said with concern and confusion. "Do you want to meet at your house?"

"No, I'd rather not actually. Do you know that bagel shop around the corner?"

"Yeah?"

"Say around 8pm tonight?"

"Sure Harriet"

"OK. It's a date then." She laughed uncomfortably. "I'll see you then – bye!"

"Bye".

Harm looked questioningly at the phone as he closed it, then stood to go back inside the hospital and do one of the hardest things he'd had ever had to do.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

(Disclaimer: I know doctors don't do the ultrasounds, but it was easier to write it that way so – artistic licence! Also, I'm sorry but I have no idea if you can actually see scar tissue in an ultrasound, but hopefully you'll indulge me and just pretend that we can? Thanks! All song lyrics here are of course copyrighted to their respective authors. No copyright infringement intended.)

PART 10

THE MELROSE HOTEL  
2430 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE NW  
WASHINGTON DC  
1530 ZULU

Mac lay on the sofa in their suite quietly relaxing and waiting for Harm to return from the Rehab Hospital. She loved the suite at this hotel, it had been a wonderful place to spend their first married days together, and she didn't at all mind that it was in place of a proper honeymoon. Of course, Harm hadn't been able to get more time off at the moment, and neither had they been able to agree on a good honeymoon destination anyway. Harm wanted to take her sailing in the Bahamas, but Mac preferred doing something that neither of them had done before. As it was, she had pretty much decided to let Harm have his way – she knew he wouldn't be truly happy unless he had something to 'do' on his vacation anyway, and she knew that sailing the boat would keep him entertained and make him feel important at the same time. There was no hurry though, this change was as good as a vacation for the moment. It was wonderful to see the old gang again, and tomorrow evening they would be heading home to London and she was actually looking forward to getting back to their house. It was sad that they wouldn't be bringing Mattie with them, but she knew that Harm would come around eventually. He would initially be a bear, mostly because he had done a lot of work adapting the house for her arrival, and now the reminder of her not being there would be everywhere.

As she was laying there contemplating life, her eyes fell on Harm's guitar and she had to smile. She was wondering why the heck he had insisted on carting that thing here all the way from London, and now she knew. She laughed out loud just remembering their party on the night of their wedding. Opting out of the traditional reception, they had instead decided to have everyone informally down to McMurphy's for old time's sake. Harm had initially been hesitant to celebrate their wedding there – bringing up the fact that it was both where Dalton had been murdered and she had once fallen off the wagon, but Mac had insisted that it was a good thing;

'Our life together is not always going to be perfect Harm, but we'll get through it… together. McMurphy's reminds me of some bad things, but it also reminds me of all the good things, and all the times you were there for me to get me through the bad things…'

They had hired a live band and McMurphy's had opened a special bar in back so that all their guests could drink there for free. She realized very soon into the night though that Harm actually knew a few members of the band, and knew that they would allow him to sit in on a number of tunes during the night, so that's exactly what he did. Mac had to smile, he had been like a little kid running back and forth between dancing with her and then suddenly jumping up on stage and sitting in. He had put everyone in stitches because he had picked out specific tunes that accentuated moments in their relationship and he would name them. Some of them would be romantic, but a lot of them were funny - for example, at one point he played "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon and dedicated it to everyone that he and Mac had broken up with over the years. That had gotten a good laugh. Then one time he got up and said "Ladies and Gentlemen, 'The Ballad of Paraguay', or 'How Clayton Webb tried to ruin my life… again'". Then he proceeded to play a rendition of "Boots and Hearts" by the Tragically Hip. She hadn't been familiar with that tune before, but it was so awfully and absolutely appropriate for that period of their relationship that it made her go from cringing to laughing and back again, several times over.

She laughed in recollection. There had been two other highlights of that night. One was when Harm got Bud up to sing "Chariot" by Gavin DeGraw, but Harm convinced him to sing the word "Harriet" instead of "Chariot". Both Harm and Bud were pretty tipsy by this point but Bud had such a good singing voice, it was hard not to be impressed by the performance. It certainly wasn't a recreation of his drunken rendition of "Delilah" all those years ago, but it had Harriet in tears – especially when at one point the whole bar was echoing her name as loud as they could. Mac smiled with the recollection, it had been really sweet.

The ultimate laugh though came at the very end when Harm actually performed "Don't Phunk with My Heart" by the Black Eyed Peas. She had no idea Harm even knew songs like that, but she suspected he had been somewhat coached by the rather sultry female singer of the group. She had even taught him some rap hand signals and a couple of little hip-hop steps that he threw into the mix at random moments and it was so funny that Mac was sometimes unable to breathe. The thought of Harm singing in a rap style was funny enough as it was, but the lines of the song were hysterical;

"Girl, you know you got me, got me,  
With your pistol shot me, shot me;  
And I'm here helplessly in love  
and nothing can stop me.  
You can't stop me once I start it;  
Can't return me once you bought it…"

Mac laughed out loud again and shook her head in embarrassment. 'What had been the part that had made her stomach hurt from laughing?'

"Girl, you had me, once you kissed me,  
My love for you is not iffy.  
I always want you with me,  
I'll play Bobby you play Whitney..."

God, she laughed, Harm must have really been drunk to get up and sing that although he didn't really show it. The performance had brought the house down – not so much that it was so good, but that everyone was laughing so hard. She was sure the Admiral's head was about to explode it was so red and he actually had tears in his eyes.

Her recollection was interrupted by Harm's return to their hotel room. He initially looked sad when he came through the door, but when he saw her lying there smiling he found it contagious. "What are you smiling at?"

Mac grinned and immediately imitated the rap-hand signal with her arms and hands;

"I want your mind too  
Intrestin's what I find you  
And I'm interested in the long haul…"

Harm jumped in with the last line right on cue;

"Come on girl – YEE-HAW!" He then made a horse whinny sound and proceeded to making galloping noises by slapping his thigh with his hands.

Mac went into hysterics again and Harm jumped on top of her on the sofa playfully.

Mac was still giggling. "Who the hell taught you that song, anyway?"

"Mattie."

"Ahhh… I should have known."

"Yeah, I made the mistake of asking for her input when I told her my idea about sitting in with the band. She asked me if I would sing whatever song she came up with, and I stupidly agreed. Then of course, you know me… once I make a promise…"

"Oh I know all about your promises, sailor. Speaking of which, we've got a date with destiny…"

"I know" he smiled. "You ready?"

NATIONAL NAVAL MEDICAL CENTRE  
BETHESDA, MARYLAND  
1700 ZULU

Harm had convinced Mac she needed to see her former doctor before they left Washington. Mac would have been fine to wait until they got back to London to make her first appointment, but Harm had of course insisted in that overprotective way that he had, and Mac thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to consult this doctor seeing as she was the one who had operated on her endometriosis and was familiar with her medical history. She had to admit she was more than a little concerned about what effect the endometriosis would have on the pregnancy. At first she had been in denial and only wanted to be excited about the pregnancy, but more and more the dreaded feeling in the back of her mind wanted to be reassured.

Mac lay propped up on the examining table, waiting for the doctor to join them. Harm sat beside her nervously holding her hand while one knee bounced up and down impatiently.

"Nervous, Flyboy?"

Harm just returned her look with a knowing arch of his eyebrows.

"Hey, it's just an ultrasound. There's no pain involved or anything…"

"I know. I just… hate hospitals."

The doctor entered and smiled at the couple. "Colonel MacKenzie – it's so good to see you again… especially under these circumstances."

Mac couldn't help beaming. "Doctor, this is my husband Captain Harmon Rabb."

Harm too was having a hard time fighting the pride of being introduced as her husband. "Harm" he offered as he shook her hand with a grin.

"It's very nice to meet you, Captain."

Mac smiled at Harm. She had tried to get this doctor to call her by her first name once before too and it hadn't worked.

"Well let's get down to business, shall we?" She lifted up Mac's shirt and began to spread gel on the ultrasound wand liberally. Harm just looked at Mac with a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand.

The doctor moved the wand around her stomach, staring at the images on the screen, clicking on unidentifiable images and measuring their length. She didn't say anything for a while and it was driving Harm insane. "Uh… everything look OK doctor?"

The doctor snapped out of her state and stared at Harm as if she had forgotten he was in the room. "Oh yes," she said with a smile. "It all looks very good." She turned to look at Mac. "Colonel, I was just trying to get a look at the scaring – you know it's very minimal, which is good, but what there is seems to be in bad areas."

"What do you mean 'bad areas'?" Harm cut in with concern.

The doctor laughed slightly. "Well, normally I would say 'bad areas' because they would interfere with conception, but obviously that wasn't a problem in this case." She raised her eyes at Harm and he blushed under her gaze. "Colonel, are you having any pain?"

"Pain? No, I haven't had any back pain since the surgery. My boobs hurt?" She added as a joke.

"What about other forms of pain? For example, during or after intercourse?"

Mac didn't even get a chance to answer before Harm was glaring at her with intense concern and trepidation.

Mac continued to look at Harm as she answered the doctor emphatically. "No, I haven't had any pain like that."

Harm squeezed her hand and spoke almost under his breath. "Mac, you would tell me… wouldn't you? I mean… I don't ever want to…"

"Haaarm…" she rolled her eyes at him in mock exasperation, but then put her hand to his cheek with a smile. "Don't worry – I would tell you – I promise." She looked up at him through her eyebrows.

"Good, good…" the doctor continued as she looked back at the screen. "Well, I have to say everything else looks very good."

"Do you know how far along I am?"

"Hmmm… well do you have any idea when you may have conceived?"

Mac and Harm both blushed instantaneously. "Uh…" Mac ventured, "let's just say we've been getting a lot of… practice… it would be pretty hard to pinpoint a specific day…"

Harm thought the tops of his ears were going to burn off.

"Well," the doctor turned the screen so both Harm and Mac could see it. She pointed to the screen and outlined a small form "This here is your baby." Mac felt Harm's hand tighten on hers immediately and she even discerned a small bead of sweat appear on his hairline. A surge of pride swelled in her, not only for the vision of the baby she was carrying, but also for the sudden surge of pride she'd just witnessed in Harm.

Harm was silent; he didn't think he could say anything at this point even if he tried. Even though the image before him reminded him more of a 'South Park' character, hanging upside down, he just couldn't help but be choked with pride at the little life he and Mac had created.

The doctor continued. "I can see all four chambers of the heart… that would indicate the second month…"

Harm and Mac exchanged glances.

The doctor continued. "Judging by the entire length of the fetus and the fact that I can see ears and limb buds pretty well… my guess would be maybe 8-10 weeks?"

Harm and Mac exchanged extremely surprised glances. The doctor looked up from the screen and picked up a small calculator. "Colonel, can you tell me when your last menstrual period was?"

"Umm… I it would have been around the 15th of April…"

The doctor smiled. "Well then, that would make your conception date… around 29 April?" She looked at the couple, "Does that make sense?"

Mac stifled an astonished laugh, then turned to look at Harm. The exchange between their eyes said everything they needed to say, but since the doctor required a translation, they both responded simultaneously, "The first night…"

"Really?" The doctor seemed genuinely surprised. "Are you sure of the day?"

"Positive, doctor" Harm impressed a meaningful look on her. "I'd have to say that day is forever burned into my consciousness."

"Well," the doctor laughed. "You just have to understand, Captain… it is extremely rare for someone with endometriosis to get pregnant the first time…"

"Well, we said it was the first night doctor – not necessarily the first time…"

"MAC!"

"What?! I was just trying to be accurate."

"I understand, but I'm sure it's not really going to matter one way or another."

Mac thought she might burst out laughing at the expression on Harm's face.

The doctor just looked amusedly back and forth between the couple. "Well, at any rate, you two are incredibly lucky."

"It's not luck, doctor." Harm said quietly, staring at the screen, "It's fate." Mac almost startled him when she reached a hand up to his face. He smiled at her weakly, leaned down and kissed her.

"Congratulations you two." The doctor smiled at them. "According to my calculations, you should be proud parents of a bouncing baby boy or girl on the 20th of January 2006".

Harm took a deep breath and looked at Mac.

"You OK, sailor?"

"Yeah." He breathed out. "I spent the last five years thinking I was ready for this… but I guess you never truly are…"

The doctor handed him a printout of the ultrasound. "Here's your first picture for the family photo album, Dad."

Harm didn't even trust himself to stand up when the doctor left the room.

KETTLEMAN'S BAGEL SHOP  
FALLS CHURCH, VA  
28 JUNE 2005

2400 ZULU

"Hey Harm." Harriet stood and gave the Captain a quick hug. "Thanks so much for coming. Please sit down. Do you want a coffee?"

"Uh, not right now thanks." Harm was a little uncomfortable. He had no idea why Harriet would need to drag him out like this – away from friends and family. He hoped it was nothing too serious.

Harriet sensed Harm's uneasiness and broke into a good-humoured smile. "I'm so sorry for being all 'cloak-and-dagger' like this… it's just… well, I really didn't know how to say this…"

"Say what Harriet?"

Harriet gave him a serious look, full of trepidation. "How to say that I was wrong?"

Harm looked at her curiously. "I'm afraid I don't follow you Harriet".

"Oh Harm, I just have to tell you that I think I made an awful mistake… back when you asked Bud to come with you to London."

Harm suddenly saw where this was going and he looked down at the table to stifle a small smile.

"I know you must think that I talked Bud out of it… well, heck, you _**know**_ I did. It's just that at the time, I thought I was doing what was best… I still don't think that it was a bad thing to stay here… it's just that, in the last two months let's just say I guess I've had a change of heart. You know as well as I do that eventually Bud is going to get a billet somewhere else… I was stupid to think we could avoid that… so why would we pass up being able to pick our own billet?"

"Harriet…"

"Oh, before you say it… I know we've probably missed our chance. I mean I'm sure you probably already have the position filled that you wanted Bud for, but I just needed to tell you that it was wrong what I did." She looked solemnly at the table. "I guess I've just gotten so used to being a mother, that I sometimes forget I'm not Bud's mother."

Harm had to smile at that.

"Going to London would have been a huge career move for Bud – I see that now – you could have gotten him farther than any of us ever expected him to get. But I think the thing that makes me regret this whole thing the most is…" she looked up to meet Harm's eyes, "… missing you guys."

"Really?" Harm was truly surprised.

Harriet smiled "Well don't look so aghast – God, you two are our oldest and dearest friends. You've been there since the beginning of me and Bud, you guys stood beside us when we got married, you guys taught Bud how to be the best lawyer this side of the Potomac, heck – you even held my hand when our first born was brought into this world!"

Harm smiled at the memory and looked down at the table. "I don't think I'll ever forget that day."

"Harm, it suddenly occurred to me that I don't want to lose our friendship – I don't want A.J. and Jimmy to forget who their Auntie Mac and Uncle Harm are – especially now that you two are finally together! It isn't fair!" she laughed, "We waited so long for you two to get to this stage and now we're going to miss it all!" She lightly slapped Harm's shoulder in a teasing manner.

Harm just grinned at her in embarrassment.

Harriet's voice softened. "I guess I just miss you guys. I realized that in choosing the safe option, I gave up watching our kids grow up together… having backyard barbeques, return babysitting favours and getting to be the Godparents of your and Mac's children…I mean… God willing…" her voice trailed off while Harm's heart skipped a beat at the statement.

Harm was at a loss for words and an awkward silence ensued before he was able to respond. "Harriet… I really want to thank you for saying that... but…"

"Oh I know, it's OK. I know we missed our chance…"

"No! Harriett… that wasn't what I was going to say. I mean, yes the position is filled right now, but he's being posted out in the New Year… probably end of January or maybe February…"

"Really?" Harriet offered cautiously with a slow smile.

"I mean, if you two are still missing us at that point…"

Harriet squealed and threw her arms around Harm. "YES, YES! Oh, thank you, thank you!!!"

"Whoa, Harriet." Harm had to laugh as he struggled under Harriet's embrace. "Shouldn't you be talking this over with Bud first? I mean, knowing you two, maybe **_he's_** had a change of heart about this whole thing!"

Harriet smiled calmly and put both hands deliberately on the table. "Don't worry, I've learned my lesson. Of course we will talk about this together, I'm just thankful for the opportunity to broach the subject again. Thanks Harm."

"Thank you Harriet"

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

PART 11

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE

LONDON, NW2

30 JUNE 2005

0935 ZULU

Mac was barely aware of the movement that had roused her from her deep, dreamless sleep, but as she slowly awakened, a smile crept across her face. Harm was snuggled in behind her, his lips lightly touching the skin where her neck and shoulder met, his quiet breath sending chills down the front of her chest. But it was his right hand, resting gently on her tummy that had caused her to smile – his thumb gently caressing the skin surrounding her navel. Sometimes his whole hand would make the journey in that lazy circle instead – usually followed by a light squeeze that pressed her even closer into him.

Harm was lost in the sensations he was feeling. He had been on an emotional rollercoaster since before they had gone to DC for the wedding. Now that they were back home and still had a few days off together before they had to return to work, it felt like the reality of everything was slowly sinking in. It didn't help matters that he was jet-lagged – in fact it compounded them. He was tired but unable to sleep and his emotions were on a rampage. He felt like all the nerves in his body were frayed. His mind just couldn't get around the concept of the situation he found himself in. Three months ago he was at one of the lowest points in his existence – dying inside over Mattie's accident and not able to turn to the one person he desperately needed to for fear of losing control completely. Lying there now, he couldn't remember the feeling that made him think it would be unacceptable to lose it in front of Mac. He knew that he had only been keeping it together by a thread, and that the slightest touch from Mac would have started an emotional landslide he knew he would be unable to control. Just why he had felt he needed to stay in control 24/7 was something he couldn't remember now either. Was it because he felt that Mattie would die if he didn't stay strong for her? He couldn't remember but it must have been something like that.

Now all those feelings were so foreign to him. His life had done a complete 180 in no time flat. He had the love of his life in his arms… in his bed…wearing his ring… and she was going to be giving him a child. That was the hardest part to wrap his head around. He had wanted so much to be a father – he'd known it since his relationship with Josh Pendry – he had loved that feeling. When Mac had told him about the endometriosis he'd been devastated – but he hadn't been able to let it show. She had already been so crushed. Why had she had to go through so much – Webb's death, resurrection and then the endometriosis on top of it all? All he had wanted to do was take her pain away somehow – so he had concentrated on that instead of the feeling of panic that had first overwhelmed him – the one that had initially made him want to scream.

He remembered those first feelings when she told him as if it had been only yesterday. He had wanted to get out of there as fast as he could – he'd actually felt nauseous. This was supposed to have been his ace-in-the-hole. If he had found no other way to make Mac his by the time the five years had rolled around – the 'baby deal' was supposed to have cemented it. He knew that they never would have survived trying to make a baby together without coming to terms with their feelings for one another. It had been as though his last chance for her had been ripped out of his grasp right at zero hour. He'd felt like he'd been dropped into a black hole with no way out. He'd had so many thoughts flying around his head but the last one was the one that made him the angriest – made him want to kick himself for picking five years – why hadn't he picked two or even three? It was then that Mac had asked him for his thoughts. There had been so many, but the only word that would come out was 'Timing'.

Then, just as quickly as it had been taken away, everything had been given back to him in spades. He felt overwhelmed, but this time it was like he had suddenly stepped into someone else's life – someone lucky for a change. Another wave of emotion washed over him and threatened to sink him. 'Mac. Finally. She's really here.' He squeezed her again – hoping he wouldn't wake her in the process, but needing to confirm that she was a reality and not some sort of cruel dream of the type that used to plague him so often – dreams that used to seem so real – used to make him feel so happy until he woke up and realized that he was really alone – or worse yet, that there was someone other than Mac in his bed.

His hand lightly rubbed her belly again – it was going to be a boy – he could just feel it. He would love a girl too – there was no doubt about it – but for some reason he just had a strong sensation that this was going to be his "Little Harm". His last thought caused a couple of stray tears to sneak out past his clenched eyelids, and forced him to sniff in response.

She lay there for several minutes, pretending to still be asleep and just relishing in the affection that Harm was showing her and their child. Since they had learned of the existence of this little life, Harm had become even more affectionate – if that was even possible. It seemed there wasn't a time when he was near her, that he didn't have some part of him touching her – whether it be just his hand at the small of her back to guide her through a door – sometimes he would simply hold on to one finger of her hand from underneath the table while he spoke to someone else – seemingly unaware of his constant need to be attached to her. Mac not only completely understood Harm's actions, but craved them. This man who could captivate her with one look, had powers over her beyond all belief when it came to touching her. It was like a low volt of electricity surged through her every time – it made her body hum. Mac gently moved her hand and covered his.

"I'm sorry, Mac – I didn't mean to wake you." He breathed into her ear in a husky whisper.

She leaned back into his embrace so she could see him "Are you OK, Harm?" She thought she had heard a sniffle and her suspicions were confirmed as he hastily wiped the back of his hand across his eyes before she could catch him. She put her hand to his face in concern.

Harm blew out his breath and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." He cautioned. "It's the jet-lag. It's got me all messed up."

Mac smiled at him. "That's OK. It's nice to know someone else is hormonal as well."

Harm just laughed but then he suddenly turned and gave her a look that bore directly into her soul. "I was just thinking…" He tried but he couldn't deliver the line without his voice breaking, "Sometimes it just scares the hell out of me, Mac."

"Why?"

"Because we came so close… it all came down to roughly 18 hours. That was too close, Mac. I mean, what if you hadn't come over to my apartment when you did? Would I have gone… without telling you?"

"Harm, … don't. Don't go there."

"I can't help it, Mac – I'm sorry but it just keeps playing over in my head. I'm such an ass sometimes. I mean, I went over to your apartment earlier to try and … but somehow it was the same as always – standing there in front of you, I couldn't come up with the words I needed to." He looked down and stroked his finger along her bare arm. "And then when you told me that you were working through it – you were going to be alright with our separation – I balked… again." He shook his head slowly.

"Harm – it wasn't just you. I knew why you came over that day and I still let you walk out – I said I was working through it when I knew I wouldn't be able to. It was like it was still in the back of my mind that it wasn't real and I still had to pretend to be stronger than you… pretend that what was about to happen wasn't going to crush me like a bug."

Harm laughed "Yeah, I know the feeling."

"It was only when I came to the realization that you would really do it – that your pride – our pride – would actually let each other walk away." She laughed, "It was funny… I actually thought for a second as to who's 'turn' it was. Who was the last one to make an attempt and who was the last one to push the other away… then I thought to myself 'Who the hell cares – I can't do this anymore'. And that's when I decided to go."

"I'm so glad that you did Mac. I've been meaning to tell you - I just want to say thank you…" He put his hand back down on Mac's belly.

"Thank you for what, Harm?"

Harm's voice was barely a whisper "… For giving me everything I've ever wanted out of life…"

Mac tried to speak but couldn't so she just stared at him.

"Mac, I don't know if you really understand what being a father means to me… it's just…" his voice broke "… I mean… part of me is scared about whether I'll… well… you know, do a good job…" he smiled shyly and looked away, "… but just to be given this chance, Mac…" he turned and looked at her directly in her eyes again – boring into her soul, "…most of all to be given that chance with you by my side… Mac… it's like… well… I guess I'd have to say that all the crap we went through to get here…" he squeezed her hip, "…well, it was all worth it to have this… to have you and this baby… I'd do all that pain over again in a heartbeat for this."

Mac blinked away tears. Once again he had flabbergasted her into silence with his incredible passion and sincerity. "Harm… I don't know what I did to deserve you…"

"Ma-ac…" he tried to cut her off.

"I'm serious Harm – I mean look at you! You could have had anybody you wanted… yet you chose me. Not only did you choose me, you waited for me…for…"

"…for as long as it took."

Mac cocked her head to the side and sighed helplessly, "… for as long as it took. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Harm looked down at her with a sarcastic grin, "Well I'm hoping it makes you feel pretty good?"

Mac just shook her head with a watery smile and then suddenly batted him in the side of the head with a pillow.

"But you give me too much credit, Mac. All my girlfriends dumped _**me**_ remember?"

"That's because you treated them like crap, Harm!"

"What?!"

"Ummm… hello! With the exception of Annie, who you just endangered her only living lifeline and blatantly disregarded everything you knew she stood for, you were emotionally unavailable to all of them."

Harm pretended to be offended, but couldn't look her in the eyes. "You're right."

Mac tenderly ran a finger over the top of his ear. "If you had ever treated any of them like you treat me, I would have had to chase them away with a baseball bat… not to say that thought didn't cross my mind anyway…"

"I wish you had…" Harm gave her a crooked smile. "… it's just that, I never wanted to treat any of them the way I treat you. I can't help myself. It's like – ever since we got together – I'm tripping over myself to make up for the past nine years…" He reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "There was just always something about you Mac. I swear – even if you weren't so devastatingly beautiful – I'd still feel the same way…"

Mac suddenly pushed her back up against the headboard and tucked her knees under her. "See…" her eyes suddenly glazed over with tears. "… now that's exactly what I can't get my head around."

They continued to stare at each other. Harm understood what was going on in her brain – he'd seen it all too much before. "Mac?" he said, suddenly turning more serious. "Do you remember what I said to you once before? When you found out your father was dying and you were sitting out front of the building trying to shut me out?"

Mac smiled, "You said a lot of things to me that day if I recall. I tried to kick your ass away from my table and you wouldn't leave."

Harm laughed softly, "Yeah, I can be pretty stubborn sometimes, can't I?"

"You have no idea…"

"Well, I remember one specific thing I said to you. About how you had to put your father in your past or he would haunt you…"

"Yeah, great advice, coming from you!"

"Well who better to come from than from me, Mac? At least I was speaking from experience!"

Mac smiled at him again, "I remember, you said something like if I didn't let him go, every tray of Martinis that passed by would make me think of him…"

"… and every man that told you you were worth something, you'd push away…"

They held each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Harm silently asking her whether she understood and Mac confirming undoubtedly that she did.

Harm suddenly shook his head in frustration and sat up on the side of the bed, "Mac, I'm just so glad that I never got to meet your parents you know, because I would have wanted to beat the crap out of them for instilling in you that sense of worthlessness that you had to overcome… that you're still not fully over…"

"I don't know if you would have been able to take my mother Harm – she probably has a good fifty pounds on you…"

Harm shook his head gave her a sideways glance and a half smile. One of his many looks that made her heart melt in an instant. Mac's eyes teared up again; sometimes she loved the fact that he was so protective of her. "You know, Harm – sometimes this whole _'being a parent_' thing scares me so much. I mean, what if I fall into the same trap as my parents did… what if I start to repeat history…"

Harm cut her off before she could continue and took her hand, "Mac, that is not going to happen. First of all, the only children who repeat their parents' behaviour are those that don't understand that it was inappropriate behaviour in the first place. I mean, Bud's father was abusive and did you ever see Bud even come close to losing it with his kids? I mean, I don't think I've ever seen Bud exhibit even one quality that remotely resembled his father…_**ever**_! It was because he knew his father was wrong and he was very consciously aware not to go down that path. You're going to be the same way, Mac. The same as you did with your drinking. You recognized that it was going to be a problem and organized your life around making sure that it wasn't going to get the better of you."

Harm was starting to get frustrated. Mac just looked at him with her big watery brown eyes and he so wanted to reassure her... make it all better for her, but he couldn't – he didn't know the words. Suddenly he got up, walked to the corner of his room, grabbed his guitar and walked back to the bed.

"Mac, you have always constantly amazed me with your strength. It's been one of the greatest things I've loved about you. But one thing I've learned over the years is that under that strength is a soft, vulnerable woman who is still afraid. Now, you've seen first hand the effect that my father had on me – for good and bad. I think that your parents have had a similar effect on you, but God, Mac – you've done such a fabulous job of getting past that – and you did it completely by yourself. You helped me so much with all the stuff with my father, and besides that one day – I feel like I wasn't there for you as I should have been, Mac and I'm sorry…"

"Harm," she cut him off with a hand to his arm, "that's where you're wrong. You were there for me on this issue more than you realized – the same way you've always been there for me… just by your example…"

Harm shifted uncomfortably on the bed and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Harm – I don't think there is anyone that has ever met you – even the ones that hated you – that hasn't wanted to be just a little bit like you. You set one of the finest examples of what a… well, not only an officer, but what a human being should be like in general…"

"Ma-ac…"

"No Harm, I'm serious. Whenever I found myself in turmoil over issues like this… well, I always just look to you as an example… and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Harm fought back his threatening tears with humour, "Well then I'm actually surprised you turned out so well, Marine."

"Hey" she breathed quietly and put her hand behind his neck, bringing him down to her for a gentle kiss.

"So are you actually going to play that thing for me, or are you going to just continue to bash it over your head?"

Harm smiled sheepishly. "Well, I heard this song the other day and learned it because it made me think of you. I guess it also reminds me that we both know how much of an impact parents can have on young lives, so as long as we keep that in mind – we shouldn't mess our kids up too badly, right?"

Mac just smiled at Harm as he started to play a wistfully beautiful melody and then began to sing;

"_I know a girl_

_She puts the color inside of my world_

_She's just like a maze_

_Where all of the walls all continually change_

_And I've done all I can_

_To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands_

_Now I'm starting to see_

_Maybe it's got nothing to do with me_

_Fathers be good to your daughters_

_Daughters will love like you do_

_Girls become lovers who turn into mothers_

_So mothers be good to your daughters too._"

Harm continued to play the song until Mac was a teary mess by the time he had finished. This man - her best friend and the owner of her heart - he knew her so well it was sometimes overwhelming. She tried to smile and recover herself but she felt herself slipping and she didn't know what to say, so she said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Do you think we'll have a daughter, Harm?"

Harm quickly put the guitar down and gathered her up in his arms. He felt like such an ass – all he'd wanted to do was make her feel better and he'd ended up making her cry again instead.

"I don't know, Mac. I'd love to have a little girl so much… but I have to admit, I think it'll be a boy."

Mac just grinned into his chest. She wanted it to be a boy too and she didn't know why. She definitely wanted a girl as well, but this one – hopefully just their first – well, she wanted to give him a son. Harm was so… well, 'all man' – and to be the mother of a little Rabb flyboy – well, if he became half the man that Harm was, she would burst with pride.

"Me too" was all she could manage to whisper before he came down on her lips with a gentle but passionate kiss. The electricity shot through her once again and she moaned.

Harm felt her moan rumble through his entire body and it lit all his nerve endings on fire. He couldn't understand it – how was it that he couldn't even count the number of times he had made love to this woman, yet somehow each time he wanted her more every time. He swallowed once with some difficulty, then breathed a kiss into her ear before trailing them down her neck and shoulder. Quickly he scooted down the bed so his face was at her stomach.

"Hey sweet pea," he spoke to his growing child, "Mommy and I are going to be making some noise now for a bit, but don't be scared OK? It's something we're going to do a lot…" he smiled a half grin "… you've probably already figured that out by now, haven't you? Well, it only means that we love each other very much, so I hope it doesn't bother you in there." He planted a sweet kiss on her belly and then his voice softened somewhat, "Now you grow big and strong in there so that you can come out and be with us, OK? We can't wait to meet you kiddo." He grinned and looked up at Mac and then rubbed her belly lovingly as he touched his lips against it once again.

Mac watched the scene unfold in front of her and was mesmerized. For a moment she swore Harm's voice sounded just like his father's did on those letter tapes from all those years ago. Not the same voice at all, but the same tone of voice, the same lilt and speech pattern… suddenly a shiver travelled up her spine and the little hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention.

She was drawn out of her state by the feeling of his lips on her belly and it sent shivers to her toes.

Harm returned to the head of the bed and planted a gentle but searing kiss on her lips. "God, I just can't get enough of you, baby…"

HARM'S OFFICE

NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING

JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y

15 SEPTEMBER 2005

1315 ZULU

Harm was insanely distracted. He was desperately trying to get work done to take his mind off of it, but he simply couldn't concentrate. He'd read some word – something that reminded him of her, and the next thing he knew it his mind had wandered somewhere else – somewhere with her in it.

She'd been gone for almost a week now on an investigation at the Marine Barracks in Exeter and it had driven him mad. They hadn't been separated since they'd gotten together that fateful day in April – unless you counted those three days she'd kicked him out of their bed, and the night before their wedding – those had been bad enough, but at least he'd been able to see her. This was like some sort of excruciating torture. He'd talked to her on the phone every night, but that somehow had almost made it worse. That feeling like she was almost there, yet he couldn't touch her.

Now she was coming home today – she would be there when he got home from work and he was beside himself with the wait. This day seemed to be taking for ever to pass by. He wiped his hand over his face and straightened up in his chair, determined to take another stab at the paragraph in front of him, when MacRae's voice came over the intercom.

"Colonel Rabb to see you, sir."

It took Harm a second to fully digest the sentence he'd just heard.

"Send her in Lance Corporal." It was all he could do to keep his voice calm.

He stood up as she entered the room and his heart almost leapt out of his chest. He couldn't suppress the gigantic grin that was spreading across his face. God she looked so beautiful. She was showing now and had seemed to have gotten even bigger since the last time he'd seen her. She had obviously had time to change out of her uniform since she'd gotten back. She hated that pregnancy tunic, not because she didn't look good in it, but because it made her feel so 'un-marine-like' – reminded her that she was no longer first-line material. He noticed now that she always changed into civvies as soon as she possibly could. She was walking in through his door wearing a flowery maternity top and black Capri's. She looked so good pregnant and it made his heart swell that she was his.

She had barely gotten the door closed before he had taken her up in his arms. "What are you doing back so soon? I didn't expect you until tonight!" He clamped his lips over hers and kissed her passionately, making her unable to respond.

"Well, I got away early…" she responded as soon as she had a chance, "… and easy there flyboy… we are still in your office…" She was remarking on Harm's roaming hands and his mouth clamped onto the side of her neck.

"Don't care…" he mumbled between kisses, "… missed you too damn much."

Mac fought the tingling sensation he was sending through her body and sighed. "I know… that definitely sucked. I can hardly wait until I'm on maternity leave and they can't send me away anywhere. Listen, I was hoping to scoot you away to a late lunch?"

Harm lifted his head from her neck and looked at her, "You bet." He said determinedly. "Just let me clear this file away and we can go." He sat back down at his desk and collected the file together while Mac lowered herself into one of his office chairs.

The file he had been working on referred back to an old case and that file was included in the dossier. As he slid the file back into the folder, the name of the investigating officer, printed in bold letter on the bottom of the file, leapt out and seemed to literally grab him by the throat. 'M. Brumby, LCdr.' Harm froze.

Mac had been trying to get herself comfortable so she missed the sudden change in Harm's face. Harm had looked up quickly to see if she'd seen anything, but she was preoccupied so he stood up.

"Uh… Mac. Listen, I'll be right back – you wait here, OK?"

"I'm not going anywhere without you, Sailor" she smiled and winked at him and he couldn't resist grinning at her in return.

Harm walked outside of the office and closed the door behind him. MacRae jumped to attention but Harm waved him to easy. "How long have you been here Lance Corporal?"

"Two – three years, sir."

"Uh… listen…" he lowered his voice so that Mac wouldn't be able to over hear him. "…do you by any chance remember this officer?"

MacRae looked at the name that Harm pointed out and nodded his head. "Yes, sir. He was here when I was first posted in. Australian bloke, sir."

"That's right. He's… uh…" Harm couldn't help but feel uneasy, "… he's not still in town by any chance, is he?"

"No sir." Replied MacRae confidently

Harm let out a relieved sigh until MacRae completed his sentence.

"He's deceased sir."

"What?!" Harm was incredulous.

"I'm afraid he died, sir. I'm sorry – did you know the fellow?"

"Yes…" Harm looked away, stunned, "… we were both in DC at the same time." He turned back to the Marine, "You don't happen to know what happened, do you?"

The marine suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Well, sir. I… I mean, I heard rumours, but I couldn't say for sure."

"Well tell me what you know, Marine. I won't hold you to the record."

"Aye, sir. Well, there were rumours it was… well, sir… an overdose."

"What?!" Harm was even more incredulous than he was the first time.

"Harm?" Harm had been so involved in his conversation that he hadn't heard his office door open. When he turned, he was facing one slightly panicked, pregnant Marine.

TBC

A/N: "_Daughters_", words and music by John Mayer. From the Album "Heavier Things" 2003. It's a really sweet song – if you've never heard it I highly suggest downloading it (legally, of course!).


	12. Chapter 12

PART 12

HARM'S OFFICE  
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING  
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y  
15 SEPTEMBER 2005  
1345 ZULU

"Harm?" Mac's eyes questioned him.

Harm walked quickly to Mac, put his arm around her waist and guided her back into the office.

"What's going on Harm – I really don't like the look I just saw on your face."

Harm just rubbed her back as he closed the door and wavered as to what exactly he was going to say.

"Harm, if you're thinking about keeping this from me, don't. I guarantee you it won't help."

Harm rolled his eyes and ran his hand over the back of his head. "I think you better sit down, Mac."

Mac was starting to get more concerned by the minute. What she'd only been slightly concerned about a few minutes ago, was starting to turn into mild panic.

"I was just putting this file away when I noticed something that took me by surprise. I didn't want to show it to you right away… until, well… until I had some answers."

He took a deep breath and slowly handed the file to her. He then leaned back to sit against the front of his desk – awaiting her response.

Mac read the cover of the file and her eyes widened slightly when she saw the name. She quickly recovered and looked up at Harm. "Wow" was all she could muster as a response.

"Yeah…" Harm countered "… it gets better…" then he suddenly stopped himself at his horrifying choice of words – he hadn't meant that at all – what the hell was he thinking?

"Oh God, don't tell me he's still here." Mac was pretending to be afraid, but in the back of her mind, a part of her actually wanted to run into Mic – especially now that she was pregnant with Harm's child and they were so happily married. A part of her wanted to rub it in his face a little. She knew it was wrong to think that way – Mic left because he had been right – he'd been able to see what she refused to admit to herself. But still, she couldn't help wanting Mic to see her and Harm together with no one between them anymore. Harm's words snapped her out of her thoughts.

"No, he's not here anymore, Mac."

"So what's the problem?" she had to fight a little to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Harm looked up at her through his eyebrows. He said it as gently as he could. "He's dead, Mac."

"What?!" She went pale and struggled to get up. Not that her stomach was big enough to impede her yet, it was simply that she felt the earth suddenly slip sideways.

"Mac, are you OK?" Harm took a step forward and helped her to her feet. He wanted to comfort her somehow, but she turned and walked away from him. "Mac?" he said cautiously.

She turned to face the wall – desperately fighting the tears that were quickly welling up. "What happened, Harm?"

"I'm not sure. But I'm going to find out Mac. We'll look into this OK? I mean MacRae just only told me right now. There are people we can talk to… we can look into this, OK?"

Mac just nodded her head and Harm stepped around in front of her. When she didn't come to him immediately he put his arms around her and guided her head into his shoulder with his hand. He had expected tears or some sort of response, but there was nothing but silence from her.

Mac just hugged her arms to herself in Harm's embrace. She couldn't cry, she had trouble feeling anything but anger – anger at what she wasn't sure, but all she could think about was her curse. The curse that had killed off pretty much every man that she'd ever been involved with.

"Come on, Mac. Let's get some lunch OK?"

Mac took two steps back out of Harm's embrace and couldn't look him in the eye. "No…" she looked everywhere around the room except for at him. "No. I'm not hungry." Finally, she got the courage to look him in the eye. "Harm, can we look into this right now? I need to know what happened."

When Mac had met his eye, he thought his heart would literally break. 'Damn it' he thought. 'Why is life with her such an extreme emotional roller coaster ride?'

"Sure." He would have done anything right now to take that tortured expression off her face. "Sure… we can do that."

Mac absentmindedly felt out for the chair behind her and Harm automatically stepped up to help her into it. She wished he wouldn't be so wonderful right now – for some reason she wished he would have reacted the way he always had when Brumby's name came up – with jealousy and spite - then she wouldn't have had to feel such conflicting emotions.

Harm walked over to his desk and pushed the intercom button. "MacRae would you come in for a moment please?"

"Aye, aye, sir."

Lance Corporal MacRae entered the office and came to attention.

"Can you tell me which of my officers were stationed here when Lieutenant Commander Brumby was – and especially if you know any that may have been particularly close with him?"

MacRae didn't have to think hard about that one. He'd remembered the incident very well. "Sir, I believe that Lieutenant Commander Walsh and he were mates, sir."

"Is Lieutenant Commander Walsh in his office?"

"Aye sir – I believe he is."

"Could you send him in please?"

"Aye, aye, sir." MacRae dismissed himself and closed the door on his way out.

Harm came over to Mac's chair and bent down in front of her. "Mac? Are you sure you don't want me to do this? Or maybe we can just do it another time?"

"No." Mac continued to just stare in front of her without a change of emotion in her eyes.

Harm didn't know which hurt more – Mac shutting him out, or the realization that Brumby meant more to her than he thought. Sure, he knew she almost married the guy – but he had almost convinced himself of the fact that it had all been out of spite – that it had really been to get even with him for his turning her down in Sydney. Now he was faced with the evidence that she had cared for him much more than he previously thought.

Harm returned to his chair behind his desk and slumped into it. He rested his chin into the crook between his thumb and forefinger and stared at Mac over his knuckles. The silence in the room was deafening and hung heavy in the air.

Mac, for her part, continued to stare out of the window. She was keenly aware of Harm's gaze fixed upon her, but she couldn't move. The only thought in her mind was to wonder whether John Farrow was still alive – or Clayton Webb. Her next thought however was the most devastating – would the curse take Harm as well? The thought almost choked her and she felt she couldn't breathe. She wouldn't be able to live without Harm. Something in her mind kept telling her that it was all just a bad coincidence – she had been in a dangerous line of work – it was only natural that people close to her would end up being killed eventually – but did they all have to be boyfriends? She was yanked suddenly into the present by a knock at the door.

"Enter!"

Lieutenant Commander Harry Walsh entered the office and stood to attention. "Reporting as ordered, sir."

"Sit down please, Commander. This is just going to be an informal discussion if you don't mind?" He gestured to Mac. "I don't believe you've met my wife, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Rabb."

Mac held out her hand, "Mac".

Commander Walsh's expression of confusion as he shook her hand made Mac smile. "I guess that doesn't sound as obvious anymore, does it?" She gave Harm a half-hearted smile.

Harm smiled too – grateful for the brief distraction from their thoughts. "Yeah, I told you you should have kept 'MacKenzie'."

Commander Walsh smiled in clarification. "Ah… understood. It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am." He then indicated her condition and added, "Congratulations by the way."

Harm and Mac both blushed. "Thanks," replied Harm. "We're pretty excited about it ourselves."

"Your first?"

Harm's voice was thick with emotion as he tried to suppress an enormous flyboy grin. "Yeah," he said softly, catching Mac's eye for a brief moment as she returned a watery smile back at him.

Commander Walsh smiled to see the guard let down for the first time in his relatively new Commanding Officer. He had figured this guy to be your typical cocky American. He'd heard he was an ex fighter jock and had completely expected the attitude to accompany it. Although Captain Rabb had kept his cards pretty close to his chest since he'd arrived, Walsh was pleasantly surprised to suddenly see a brief glimpse of a proud-as-punch father to be. Maybe this bloke was going to be all right after all.

"Harry," Harm ventured after a deep breath. "As I was saying earlier – this is just an informal discussion here, but I was hoping you could help us out a bit?"

"I'll do my best, sir." Harry was intrigued.

"It has just come to my attention that an officer that Mac and I were once very well acquainted with used to be stationed here. An Australian Navy Officer by the name of Mic Brumby?"

"Oh." Harry Walsh's chest tightened at the memory.

"MacRae informed me that you and Commander Brumby may have been fairly close?"

"Aye, sir. We were mates." Walsh looked at the floor briefly before meeting his CO's eyes.

Harm continued. "Mac and I were stationed in DC with Mic for a couple of years. We learned of his death only just now and as you can imagine, we're a little shocked. We were wondering if you might be able to fill us in on the details?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Yes that must come as a bit of a shock to you. It was to us I know, but we've had a couple of years to come to grips with it now."

"A couple of years?!" Mac spoke up incredulously. "When did this happen?"

"June 7, 2003 ma'am – I won't soon forget that date."

The blood pressure rose in Harm. He couldn't believe that someone they had once known so well had been dead for several years and they hadn't known about it. Even though he hadn't been a fan of Brumby's at all, it still made him feel badly – he couldn't imagine what it was doing to Mac.

Sensing the couple's obvious distress, Harry decided to continue. "He called me a little after 2100 hours that night, sir. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk – my wife and I were having a hard time getting the little ones out of the bath and into bed if you know what I mean…" he then laughed and added, "… well you _**will**_ at any rate, sir…"

Harm blushed and smiled again as he looked down at his desk. God he was looking forward to that.

"I told him I'd talk to him the next day…" Harry looked at the floor sadly and then looked up at Harm, "… but that day never came for him."

Mac spoke up again, "What happened?"

Harm cringed inwardly – he had been somewhat prepared for this by MacRae, but he knew Mac would be blindsided. Suddenly kicking himself for not mentioning it to Mac himself, he only hoped Walsh would deliver this with tact.

"Not sure exactly, ma'am – the coroner ruled it 'accidental' but there…" he took a deep breath – still not able to believe this himself, "… well there was a large amount of prescription pain medication found in his system."

Mac gasped and put her hand to her mouth. Her gaze once again returned to it's former spot on the window. "I don't believe it." She almost whispered.

"You and me both." Walsh agreed with her. "I mean, Mic had suffered an injury a month or so before playing in a Rugby match – that's why he had the pain meds… but the idea…" Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked at Harm, "… I mean, sir if you and the Colonel were as close to Mic as you appear to have been, you know that the idea of that is impossible to fathom…"

Harm nodded his head in agreement "I know, Harry… and thank-you for taking the time to fill us in. I'm sorry you had to re-hash this all for us." Harm was getting worried about Mac and wanted to end this as soon as possible.

"No worries, sir." He stood, sensing the end of the conversation. "If you need anything more, sir – I'll be in my office until 16:30."

"I appreciate it. Dismissed."

Commander Walsh came to attention, "Aye, aye, sir."

"… and Harry?"

"Sir?"

"Thanks again."

"Sir."

Harry Walsh exited the Captain's office and blew out a long breath as he made his way back to his own. He shook his head in disbelief. Captain Rabb's concern for his wife had been clearly apparent, and the humanity of the man had shone through during this meeting – something he'd never witnessed before in his short time here. His CO was definitely appearing to him in a new light and he liked what he saw.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
15 SEPTEMBER 2005  
1945 ZULU

Harm and Mac had eaten dinner in relative silence. Harm had attempted to bring her out of her melancholy a couple of times, but had resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't coming out of it any time soon and if he pushed he might just make it worse. She had gone out onto the back sun porch shortly after supper and he had remained to clean up the kitchen. Harm wondered how this day had gone so horribly wrong. Tonight should have been spent in the joy of welcoming Mac home from an entire week away. He had planned to discover intimately, exactly how much her belly had grown in this past week – now he was lucky if he was even going to be allowed to kiss her goodnight.

He took a deep breath and leaned against the kitchen counter, absent-mindedly pushing the dishtowel across the already clean counter top. A part of him knew that Mac just needed to come to grips with Mic's death, but he was fearful that there was something more to it. Did she feel guilty that she may have been the cause of his suicide – if it had even had been a suicide – and Harm had his doubts about that. He remembered how he had felt when this same thing happened with Jordan, but had he become this emotionally distant? He didn't think so, but he couldn't remember.

Worse yet, was she now regretting not marrying Mic? What if this had made her angry with him for coming between them? God, he wished she would just open up – all the possible scenarios flying around in his mind were making him feel nauseous again. He was about to turn to get himself a Tylenol when he heard her voice behind him.

"Harm"

He spun around to face her immediately.

"Harm, I can't believe it was suicide." She told him flatly – without any kind of emotion whatsoever.

"I know." He said quietly – afraid to miss-step and inadvertently say something wrong.

"Do you think that maybe someone set it up to look like a suicide?"

"It's possible, Mac." Harm felt his throat going increasingly dry. Mac just stood there and stared at him blankly.

"I'll get all the files he was working on from the time he was stationed there to the time… well… you know."

"Yeah"

"I'll go through them and see if I come up with any leads."

"No Harm." She still was showing absolutely no emotion in her voice and it was scaring him. "Bring them home – we'll both go through them."

"Mac, I don't think that's a good…"

"Harm…" she cut him off with an empty threat.

Harm knew that arguing wasn't going to go anywhere good. "OK, Mac. Whatever you want." His voice was still soft – trying to offer as much comfort as he possibly could. "I'll see if I can scare up the autopsy report too."

"Thanks."

With that, she turned and left the room again.

That night Mac slept on her side of the bed, facing away from Harm, for the first time ever in their married life. Harm couldn't sleep at all. He just lay there and stared at her back – wanting desperately to reach out to her – to touch her beautiful olive skin – to hold their growing baby in his hands and feel it move like he had only a week ago – wanted desperately to make such mad passionate love to her that she would forget Mic Brumby ever existed – but he didn't.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Please forgive Mac right now - she's got pregnancy hormones really bad!;0) And for those of you who might not have experienced them and don't believe how easily they can make you cry at the drop of a hat... well remember that Pampers commercial where the mama elephant helps the baby elephant over the log with her trunk?... made me bawl every time! LOL

PART 13

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
15 SEPTEMBER 2005  
1140 ZULU

Mac stared at the wall for pretty close to an hour – 57 minutes at least, but her internal clock was actually failing her tonight. She was terrified. Her mind wouldn't work – it was as if it was stuck in mud. She was upset that Mic's death could have possibly been a suicide – it didn't make any sense. Mic had been an optimist in the most extreme sense of the word. She couldn't imagine anything that could have depressed him that much.

Briefly, she was terrified by the idea that it may have been because of her, but Mic had died close to two years after she'd last seen him – it didn't make sense that she could have been the reason. All of this was causing her mind to spin in confusion, but the fear that had gripped her entire being was because of the curse. If the curse was real, that meant that it would take Harm. Every time this thought occurred to her, it was as if someone had tightened a noose around her neck. Her breath barely passed through her throat without her forcing it. She had to concentrate not to hyperventilate. She couldn't possibly live without Harm. She had spent years near him without having him and it had been torture enough. To no longer have his strong presence to guide her through life was not an option. She knew it was the hormones, but some thought in the back of her mind reasoned that she might be able to fool fate if she shut Harm out. If fate didn't see how much she loved him, maybe they would leave him alone. Another part of her mind knew this was not a viable option – she simply would not be able to resist Harm for long – they were like magnets drawn to each other – and each were powerless to stop the pull. Besides, fate would know. For now, however – now that her mind was mired in other thoughts, it seemed like the only possible scenario. God, she wished he would fall asleep – she could feel his gaze boring into the back of her neck – drawing her to him. She let her tears fall silently and tried desperately not to make a sound.

HARM'S OFFICE  
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING  
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
0615 ZULU

Lance Corporal MacRae entered his CO's office and stopped short with surprise. Snapping to attention he uttered a surprised apology.

"Pardon the intrusion, Captain. I didn't realize you were in already, sir. I was just going to place some files on your desk…"

"That's alright, MacRae." Harm replied quietly. "I couldn't sleep so I decided to come in a little early."

"If I may say so, sir – you might want to consider your sleeping habits. Come the end of January you're not going to have much sleep ever again."

Harm tried to smile but didn't quite manage it convincingly, "So I hear, Iain – so I hear."

The Marine was slightly taken aback. His CO had never referred to him by his Christian name – he wasn't even aware he knew what it was. He felt a moment of compassion as he realized there was something upsetting his boss – most likely the Commander Brumby incident. The Captain looked so forlorn and tired. The young Marine reasoned they must have been good mates at one point.

"Would you please send Second Lieutenant Burroughs in when he arrives, please?"

"Aye, aye, sir!" MacRae exited the office and made a mental note to try to cheer his boss up. He of course did the only logical thing he could think of at the time - he brought him a cup of tea.

"Thanks, Iain." Harm smiled a little more convincingly this time. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

MacRae just gave him a nod and a wink and snapped to attention. "Good for what ails you, sir - or so ol' Nan used to say." He turned on his heel and was gone.

Harm had to admit, the tea sure did feel good. He couldn't remember having a worse night sleep. The only worse one in recent memory was the night that Mac and Webb had gone missing in Paraguay. He tried to shut that particular memory out.

Harm had finally given up trying to sleep at about 0415 that morning and – convinced that Mac had dropped off – he had opted to beat the rush hour crowd to work. It was actually a treat not to have been crammed into the tube train like a sardine this morning, but it didn't make up for the pain he was feeling over Mac. He was roused from his musing by the sound of the intercom;

"Second Lieutenant Burroughs to see you, sir."

Harm made a note of the time – 0710. This young officer seemed to be pretty on the ball if he was here so early. He wondered if it was a fluke or if he was always in this early.

"Send him in."

"Sir!" the Royal Marine Officer came to attention in front of his desk and Harm was surprised to see he was not quite as young as he assumed him to be judging by his rank. Harm had been introduced to all the officers under his command when he first arrived, but he hadn't had a chance to interact with all of them. 2nd Lieutenant Burroughs had been on a carrier for the majority of Harm's time here, and he was only posted back barely two weeks ago.

"Burroughs, I have a little assignment for you that I don't want you to spend a lot of time with…" Harm got up and walked over to the window, wondering how to properly phrase this. He didn't remember Admiral Chegwidden often calling on his officers to perform personal business for him – Harm had been by far the worst offender for that in his past – and he figured that now he was in a more senior position, his old behaviour should be a lot less tolerated. He needed this one though and mentally promised himself he wouldn't make it a habit. "...basically, I need to ask you a little personal favour." He turned to the young officer who was still standing at attention. "At ease – please. Have a seat." Harm indicated the chair.

"Sir…" Burroughs spoke up. "If you need a favour… I don't mind at all." He was a little surprised, but hadn't yet formed an opinion about his CO and wanted to gain some 'brownie points' if he at all could.

Harm attempted a smile again but he was having problems with that this morning. "Thanks – I appreciate that. Basically, I just found out that… well someone I used to be acquainted with – who was previously posted here – died a couple of years ago. You see, I hadn't heard about it until just now and… well, I just don't like the sounds of the explanation of his death. I was wondering if you'd be able to dig me out the files he was involved in during his stint here?"

"You're speaking of Commander Brumby, sir?"

Harm was a little surprised, "You knew him? I didn't figure you would have been here at the time…"

"…judging by my rank, sir?"

Harm smiled again.

"Well sir – I guess my pers file hasn't caught up with me yet from the Invincible. When you read it you'll understand. I was…" he cleared his throat uncomfortably, "… I was busted in rank, sir."

"Really?" Harm was a little surprised.

"Yes sir. I was a Captain at the time Commander Brumby was here."

"I see." Harm nodded. That would explain his apparent lack of 'youth'. Unfortunately, Harm just wasn't in the mood to get into this right now. "Well, you'll have to tell me all about it sometime." Harm raised his eyebrow suggestively at the officer.

"Yes sir – you just say the word, sir."

"I will. Meanwhile, it looks like I asked the right junior officer to help me out, doesn't it?"

"The perfect one, sir." Burroughs suppressed a smile.

That couldn't help but make Harm smile. "Dismissed."

"Aye, sir. I'll get you those files ASAP."

"I appreciate it… and Burroughs…?"

"Sir?"

"Office work comes first remember."

"Of course, sir."

Harm smiled. He liked this Officer already. He wondered what he possibly could have done to get himself taken down in rank.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
0615 ZULU

Mac awakened at her usual time to find Harm gone. Her heart dropped to her stomach – it wasn't so much the feeling that he had abandoned her, but that she didn't know where he was... didn't know if she had just seen him for the last time... Damn it – she had to stop thinking like this – it was nonsense and she knew it. She was just feeling sorry for herself – it had to be the hormones. Pampers commercials were starting to make her cry – it's no wonder this was throwing her body into turmoil. She knew she somehow had to convince herself that there was no curse and it would not soon come for Harm.

She padded softly to the kitchen to make some coffee, feeling the unmistakable gaping hole in the existence she had known with Harm up to this point. Mornings had become one of her favourite parts of the day. The initial rush of waking up in his arms – sometimes still having to remind herself that it was real. Their morning kitchen routine of making coffee and bagels or whatever they chose – lightly bantering each other with their words, but silently grinning at each other and offering little caresses in passing as they manoeuvred around in the small kitchen. Then they would kiss each other good-bye before leaving the house – because still being in uniform, they couldn't say a proper good bye outside of it. Sometimes that part was hard – having to say goodbye to him without a kiss or any kind of touch. They still had their silent communication though, and Mac knew what he was saying with his eyes. Just to be sure though, he always leaned into her ear and whispered a husky "I love you" through the window of their car. She always took their little Alpha Romeo to work because she worked a good 12 kilometres outside of town. Harm worked right downtown and it was much easier for him to take the Tube.

She saw the note leaning up against the kettle on the counter. "Went to work early. I'm sorry. Love, H."

The note brought tears to her eyes. What did he have to be sorry about? It was just so like him to take the blame on himself when he didn't share any of it. How he could be so cocky sometimes and yet so blatantly insecure at others… she had no idea.

She wondered what he was feeling about her reaction yesterday. Did he hate her? Was he angry? Had she blown it for them? She knew she should have opened up to him – shouldn't have shut him out – but she couldn't help it. Maybe it wouldn't be too late to make it up to him. She made a mental note to call him from her office as soon as she got there.

HARM'S OFFICE  
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING  
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
0915 ZULU

Harm sat at his large oak desk feeling lost. Burroughs had brought him the files he'd asked for several minutes ago, but Harm couldn't bring himself to open one of them. He wasn't sure why – maybe just seeing Brumby's reports would bring back memories of horrible, unhappy times – maybe he just felt he should wait for Mac to look through them with him. Briefly, he considered calling her at work – making sure she got there alright. He painfully missed their morning routine this morning. Missed kissing her good morning and chasing her around the kitchen. Mostly he missed kissing her goodbye.

The intercom rattled him to consciousness. "Colonel Rabb on line two, sir."

Harm pounced on the telephone before he could collect his thoughts. "Mac!"

"Harm?"

Harm had to forcefully keep his voice under control – he thought he might have just freaked her out. "Mac," he said softly and with concern, "…are you OK?"

Harm's sincerity brought tears to her eyes. 'Damn it' she thought, 'what doesn't bring tears to my eyes these days?' "I'm sorry for last night, Harm."

"Mac… it's…"

"No, don't say it's OK because it's not."

Harm opted not to say anything at all. He just waited for her to continue.

"I promised you that we were through with shutting each other out, and I just did it again."

"Mac…" Now he just didn't know what to say. He wished he could just hold her and have her look into his eyes so she could see he understood.

"I'm going to ask for a couple of days off, Harm."

"I think that's a good idea."

"Yeah, I'm a little distracted right now."

"I understand, Mac."

"I know you do, Harm."

A long silence followed.

"I got the files, Mac."

"OK – thanks. Do you mind not looking at them until tonight? I'd like to do this together."

Harm felt hopeful – at least she wanted to do something together. "No problem." Harm actually felt relieved. He wasn't looking forward to digging up the Brumby memories at all.

"OK – I'll see you tonight."

"OK."

"And Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Harm let out a relieved breath, but tried not to make it too audible. "I love you too, sweetheart."

Harm hung up the receiver and stared at it. How the hell was he supposed to get any work done now? He yawned and hit the intercom button. "MacRae?"

"Aye, sir."

"I hate to do this to you, but…"

"More tea, sir?"

Harm just smiled. He was starting to become very fond of this young Scot. "Well, since you offered…"

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
1815 ZULU

Harm was starting to get concerned. Mac should have been home a half hour ago. He was eager to see her tonight – hoping for a resolution to their current relationship snag – and it was making time pass incredibly slowly.

Mac was less than two blocks away when the song came over the radio. She had been thinking the whole way home about how lucky she had been to have Harm as her soul mate – as soul mates go – he was a pretty good catch. The thought made her smile for a second until she was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Harm was definitely her 'rock' in life and she was so thankful for him that she sometimes couldn't fathom that he was hers. She refused to think those words 'she didn't deserve him' anymore, but sometimes she just couldn't help feeling that way – and then suddenly she would turn around and cause him pain as she had last night, just like that. She honestly wondered what she was thinking sometimes. "Oh yes," she reminded herself, "You were thinking that the curse would get him and you'd be left trying to survive without him – trying to raise yet another Rabb child who would grow up without his father." She stifled a sob that suddenly threatened to overtake her – she wouldn't let herself think that way. But then it happened, a song came over the radio that shattered her ability to hold it together – the words were just too fitting. Silently she cursed her rampaging hormones, and then, as she swung into the driveway, all defences fell and she broke down completely – the words of the song still ringing in her ears as she sobbed uncontrollably.

_'...I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe  
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it  
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go  
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go_

_You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together  
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in  
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me  
You're the one true thing I know I can believe_

_Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me  
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down  
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown  
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK  
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day…_'

Harm's heart jumped into his throat when he looked out the window and saw Mac slumped against the steering wheel. He was outside and to the car before he even realized how he got there.

"Mac?!" he massaged her shoulder through the window of the car, watching helplessly as she sobbed. "Mac baby, please…" This only caused her to break down even further. He thought his heart was going to break apart right then and there.

"OK sweetheart – let's get you inside." He opened the car door and guided her up by the shoulders. She faltered a few times – as if her legs weren't quite strong enough to hold her – but Harm held her tightly against him and managed to get her inside the house to the couch. He sat her down and then just held her against him, waiting for the sobs to subside. He found himself kissing her hair, her eyes, her tear stained cheeks, but then held himself back. 'God I'm such a jerk' he thought. 'Here she is sobbing her eyes out and I'm trying to take advantage of her.' He consciously made an effort to stop, but it was almost impossible. Mauling her every chance he got was an automatic reaction when it came to Mac now.

Mac cried for so long and so hard that she eventually fell asleep. Harm didn't have the heart to move her, so he simply pulled her back against him and leaned against the arm of the sofa, despite his hunger. He had to stifle a laugh – if he was hungry, he could only imagine how hungry his now pregnant Marine would be. She normally ate for two – now that she was pregnant she ate for at least three. As the strain of last night and today temporarily relaxed, he drifted off to sleep himself.

TBC

"Push" words and music by Sarah McLachlan from the album 'Afterglow'


	14. Chapter 14

PART 14

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
2020 ZULU

Mac awoke feeling slightly better and a little refreshed. Her initial reaction was to be embarrassed and think of some excuse to tell Harm, but she soon realized as she lay there listening to his even breathing, that he had fallen asleep too. It felt so good to have his strong arms still laced around her that she actually considered not moving at all, however her internal clock told her it was way past feeding time.

Awkwardly she slipped out of his embrace and got to her feet. She was amazed that she had failed to wake him during the process – she definitely wasn't graceful anymore that's for sure. Her only conclusion was that he obviously hadn't slept much last night either. Suddenly her heart felt heavy again. She watched her husband as he lay sleeping – even in sleep his face didn't look relaxed. She thought back to a time when she knew a completely different Harmon Rabb Jr. – a cocky, slightly arrogant fighter jock. He had been infuriating back then, but at least he had smiled more often – and she had loved him, even then, despite all the attitude.

It had been the 'Sinatra factor' as she had labelled it. She knew Sinatra was supposed to have been an ass and involved in the Mafia, but as soon as he opened his mouth to sing, she couldn't help but love the guy. It had been the same with Harm in those early years, huge ego, huge attitude, but the minute he rose up to defend a friend, to right a wrong, or simply smile at her, she'd been sucked under into the Rabb undertow that was too strong to pull out of. It had happened every time.  
Now this was an older, more mature Harm. At 41, he was still drop dead gorgeous, but his ego didn't buoy him up anymore, it seemed to weigh him down instead. A lot seemed to weigh him down – he was more grounded, more compassionate – more passionate.

Since they'd gotten together, he'd started to smile again – she thought that smile had been gone forever at one point – and the smile was still to die for. Not a cocky smile anymore though, but one that radiated true affection and happiness and caring… tinged with a hint of sadness that she could never quite place, but always felt. She couldn't resist leaning down and leaving a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then she went straight to his ear and whispered "You're the one, Harmon Rabb, Jr."

Twenty minutes later, Harm awoke slowly in a groggy fog. He always knew when he'd been in a dead sleep because his brain awoke before his face did. His body was slightly stiff from the uncomfortable position it had been left in on the couch and he couldn't quite remember where he was or how he got there, but there was a persistent smell permeating his senses and it made his stomach growl. Mac was making supper. '_Mac was making supper!?_' he suddenly sat up – 'What the...? Had the earth stopped rotating on its axis or something?'

He quickly looked at his watch and realized the time. No wonder – the baby and the Marine must have rebelled and she was left with no option. He instinctively got up to help her, but then hesitated as he wondered what condition of Mac he was going to encounter. Mac's breakdown had thrown him for a gigantic loop. It had scared him, ripped open his heart, and made him feel utterly helpless. And he hated feeling helpless.

He stood at the entrance to the kitchen, leaning against the door frame and admired his wife with every fibre of his being. She was the most beautiful pregnant woman he had ever seen. He had always thought that pregnant women looked beautiful, but _**this**_ pregnant woman was a whole different story – this was his Mac – his wife – and he had made her this way. His heart always soared a little with that knowledge. He and Mac had given life to a totally new human being – one that was part her and part him. Sometimes when they were just walking down the street and he caught someone admiring Mac's belly, he'd felt like grabbing them and saying "I did that!" like an excited toddler. He knew it sounded silly, but he just couldn't help it. He didn't think he'd ever been this proud in his entire life.

Mac still hadn't seen him – she was busy cutting up onions for what he could only assume was an Alfredo sauce for the pasta he saw cooking on the stove. Of course the onions were making her cry and she continually wiped the back of her hand across her face and sniffled. The sight brought all the recent events flooding back into his mind and his stomach turned again, bringing a wave of fear. What if Mac ever left him? What if she left him and took their child? What if she moved back to Washington where he couldn't see her? What if he never got to see his own child be born or what if she never let him be part of its life? Suddenly the fear was overwhelming and he nearly stumbled as he made his way out onto the back sun porch to the old fridge that was there. It had been in the house when they moved in – had to have been from the 50's, but it still worked. They had decided to move it out on to the sun porch and use it as the beer fridge – Harm still felt bad about keeping alcohol anywhere in the house, but Mac had assured him that she'd never liked beer anyway – as long as he didn't keep Vodka anywhere, she would be perfectly fine.

Harm threw the fridge door open, leaned against the frame and lay his head against the cold interior, waiting for the wave of nausea to pass. He took out two beer bottles, turned around and sat on the floor with his back against the open fridge. He pressed the bottles against either side of his face to cool himself off. He was trying to reassure himself that Mac would never do what he was thinking – they had found each other – they were going to love each other for the rest of their lives – for eternity – they'd promised… but those thoughts that had snuck out just then had left a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't ignore. He'd watched her slip away from him too many times in the past to feel that it couldn't be a reality again. He was suddenly overcome with anger - 'How can I compete with a dead man? It isn't fair!' Mic being dead made this situation impossible – he could do no wrong and Harm was stuck being the bad guy. Harm silently chastised himself. How was it that he could pull nine G's in a Tomcat without batting an eye, yet the simple idea of Mac possibly leaving him brought him to his knees?

"Harm?" Mac was overcome with concern when she saw him sitting against the fridge looking as pale as a ghost. She rushed over and put her hands to the sides of his face as he placed the bottles on the ground beside him and stared at her helplessly. "Harm, honey what's the matter?"

"It's not fair, Mac."

"What's not fair, Harm?"

"It's not fair that he can still come between us after all this time – even from beyond the grave."

Harm looked so lost that it brought tears to her eyes. "Oh Harm…" was all she could manage.

"I hate being this distant from you, Mac – I can't bear it."

"Harm, I'm right here honey."

"I don't mean physically, Mac…" He paused and bore a helpless look right into her soul.

"I know Harm, you're right." She avoided his gaze – knowing it would dissolve her to tears again if she looked into his eyes.

"Then talk to me, Mac."

Mac finally looked into his eyes and knew she needed to tell him the truth. She struggled how to begin.

Harm braced himself – unconsciously holding his breath for what he hoped wouldn't be the worst news of his life.

"The curse…" she said softly and then her voice cracked.

Harm released the breath he was holding and said quietly "Awww, Mac…" His relief was so strong that it was overwhelming, but he also felt a combination of sorrow and anger at her. Sorrow for her losing those people who were close to her, and anger for scaring the pants off of him for no reason.

"I know, Harm… I know you're going to tell me it's not reasonable…"

"You're damn right I am!"

"Well you don't have to get pissy about it."

"I'm not – I was just scared!"

"_**You're**_ scared?! How do you think _**I**_ feel?!"

"What were _**you**_ scared about?!" he was concerned that this was quickly dissolving into an argument but he couldn't seem to lower his voice.

"I was scared that…" Mac had been so caught up in the heat of the moment that it had almost come out without her realizing it. She turned away and clamped her mouth shut.

"Ma-ac…" Harm attempted to reconcile the argument by using a much softer tone to draw out whatever she was just about to say.

Mac looked at Harm as the tears welled up again. "I was afraid the curse would come for you too…"

"Awww Mac…" Harm pulled her onto his lap and held her to his chest. He kissed her hair and searched for words to comfort her. "Mac," he said finally, "I can't promise you that nothing is going to happen to me, but I can pretty much guarantee you that there is no curse."

Mac kept the side of her face pressed against his chest, "You said it yourself Harm – 'Every man that's gotten close to me is either dead or wishes they were…"

"Mac! That's not fair! You're not allowed to use that against me." He squeezed her even harder against him. "Those were words spoken in anger – to hurt you… to try and make you feel as lousy as I was feeling… I certainly didn't mean it."

Mac wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "Then why does it keep happening?"

"Well, first of all Mac – Webb doesn't count because he wasn't really dead. That only leaves three - Dalton and your Ex…and now Brumby"

"Gee... o_**nly**_ three?"

"You're forgetting – we're even, Mac. I lost Gym, Diane and Jordan – remember? You don't see me whining about a curse."

Mac sat upright to give him grief about the 'whining' comment, but then considered his words and backed down. "Hmmm… I guess we're both pretty unlucky to be around, eh?"

Harm smiled. "You could think of it that way… or you could think of it in an entirely different way."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?"

Harm turned her and looked at her directly in the eyes. "You could think of it as fate's way of making damn sure we ended up together."

Mac stifled a small laugh "That's pretty grandiose, Harm. Do you really think fate thought it was that important for us to be together that it had to kill off six people?"

Harm's voice was barely above a whisper, "Well, even if fate didn't...I do."

Their eyes held each others' gaze for a moment, then Mac spoke. "Why were you afraid?"

"What?" Harm breathed distractedly.

"You said you were afraid too."

"Oh… yeah…" he cleared his throat and looked away briefly before returning to her gaze. "I was afraid that you regretted not marrying Brumby – that you were mad at me for crashing that night and getting in the way of your wedding…"

Mac searched his eyes, desperately trying to come up with a way to prove to him that she was still there with him – that she hadn't gone anywhere. Then she did the only thing she could possibly think of doing to convince him – she kissed him.

Harm thought he was going to explode with the emotion of the kiss. It had started out so gentle – her lips had hovered briefly just in front of his, without touching, and there had been nothing but their breath between them for an instant. Then she had touched her lips to his ever so softly. Within seconds it had become an intense expression of their feelings for one another as Mac slipped her hands behind Harm's neck and ran her hands through the short hairs at the nape of his neck – she had never told Harm this, but this had to be one of her favourite erogenous zones ever. She had never told him the fantasies that had been provoked that time he posed as a Marine Gunnery Sergeant and had to get a 'high and tight'. For an instant she wondered if she did share that with him, would he cut his hair that short again - just for her? The thought inflamed her even more and she knew that this kiss was working as Harm's hands were beginning to travel across her body – caressing her belly – which had become his new favourite erogenous zone…

They both pulled away finally, knowing it was either that or make love right there on the porch. Harm wasn't against the idea – but he knew his Marine was hungry and it was important for her to eat – besides, supper was probably still on the stove. He was happy just knowing his Mac still loved him – that she hadn't and wasn't going away.

"There. Now does that feel like there's anything between us?" Mac tried to reassure him with a sultry voice.

"Well," Harm countered sarcastically, "it actually does…" he placed both hands on her belly, "… it's about five months old and the size of a small volleyball…"

Mac looked at him with a smile and rubbed her hands along the backs of his. It felt so good when he held her belly in his hands like this. It was almost like what she'd read in an article the other day about Reiki – as if Harm's energy was emanating into her and keeping their baby healthy – even healing her insides somehow.

Harm leaned his head back against the shelf in the fridge and let out a tremendous sigh of relief. Then he looked at Mac and smiled - holding up one of the beer bottles that still lay beside him. "You mind if I have one of these?"

Mac leaned her forehead against his. "Go right ahead, Flyboy. Now let's get out of here – I'm cold and hungry and our electricity bill is going to go through the roof."

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
16 SEPTEMBER 2005  
2230 ZULU

Harm looked up from the file he was reading, and closed it with silent frustration. "You find anything?"

Mac looked at him with tired eyes. "Nothing conclusive. I suppose there could be a few possibilities here – Mic definitely did have a tendency to piss people off."

Harm looked at her knowingly, "You're preaching to the choir here, Mac."

Mac smiled a tired smile. "I really couldn't determine anything for sure unless I interviewed some of these people."

"Ma-ac – we're not going to go back and interview all these people."

"I know, I know…" she stared off absent-mindedly. "I was just saying that I would have to interview them in order to get a real idea…"

Harm looked warily at Mac and didn't like the sound of the wheels turning inside of her head. "Well, why don't we finish reading through these tomorrow and see if anything obvious jumps out before we start getting any other ideas?"

"Sounds good to me. You ready for bed?"

Harm looked at her with a devious smile. "Ready for bed? Yes. But I'm also ready for something that was stolen from me last night..." He got up and pulled his wife up from the couch and wrapped his arms around her. Mac got chills as he breathed these last words into her lips before taking hold of them with his own "… the opportunity to properly welcome my wife back home."

HARM'S OFFICE  
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING  
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y  
19 SEPTEMBER 2005  
1345 ZULU

Harm folded the file in front of him and looked up at the officer still standing at attention.

"Have a seat, Burroughs."

"Thank you, sir."

Harm and Mac had poured over these files all weekend and hadn't found any leads into the theory that Mic's accident had been a set-up. He was trying to sway Mac off of the path of wanting to re-interview all the people involved in these cases, so he decided to do a little bit more snooping in his own office.

"Once again I want to thank you again for pulling out these files for me, but I wonder if you might help me a little bit with some personal insight. If you don't mind my asking... how well did you know Commander Brumby, uh…?" Harm looked lost for words, "I'm sorry, but not having your file, I have completely forgotten what your first name is."

Burroughs laughed good-naturedly "It's Kenneth, sir – 'Kenny'"

Harm nodded his head knowingly and waived for Burroughs to answer the question.

"Yes, sir – Commander Brumby and I were… ah…. acquaintances, sir. We went up against each other a few times in court – were partnered together once…"

"Were you friends?"

"No sir, I wouldn't really call it that."

Something in this conversation was causing Harm to be suspicious. He could tell there was something Burroughs was holding back.

He talked with the officer for quite a while, trying to get an idea of what it was this man was trying not to tell him, when the intercom on his desk interrupted their conversation.

"Sir, your wife is here to see you."

Harm's heart leapt into his chest momentarily. Mac hadn't said she would be coming by today.

"Have her come in MacRae – thanks."

Harm stood up as she entered the office and grinned. "Hey." He said – I didn't know you were coming by today?"

She threw a quick glance at the officer in Harm's office and smiled sheepishly. "Thought I might be able to steal you away for a quick coffee."

"Sure – in a few minutes Mac." He indicated the Marine now standing in front of his desk. "Mac, this is Second Lieutenant Kenny Burroughs."

They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

Harm continued. "Kenny and I were just discussing Mic."

"Well, don't let me stop you."

They all sat down.

"Sir," Burroughs started uncomfortably, "I just don't know what else to say – to tell you the truth, I really didn't like the guy."

"Really?" Harm's eyebrows went up.

"No sir. I mean, I hate to speak ill of the dead, but Mic was… well he was arrogant and smarmy…"

"Smarmy?"

"Sorry, sir – I don't know how else to describe it. You know how when you meet someone and they just rub you the wrong way?"

"Hmmm…" Harm was stifling a grin so he looked down at his desk, "…yes, I believe I understand."

Mac watched the conversation with some amusement, but tried not to let it show.

"Don't get me wrong, sir – I was very upset when he died – it was all extremely sad… but, he just wasn't my type of fellow. He was always ogling after women, standing way too close to them… even with his wife in the room he would sometimes make inappropriate comments about women walking by…"

"Wife?!" both Harm and Mac reacted simultaneously.

Burroughs was slightly taken aback by Harm and Mac's reaction, but kept on. "Well yes, sir. He married about a year before his death I believe.

Harm and Mac exchanged glances.

"Kenny, is Mic's wife still in town?"

"No, sir." Burroughs replied. Harm could almost detect a note of sadness in his voice. "She went back to Cork after the… accident. That was her hometown and I think she'd had quite enough… of the… uh, London scene after that, sir."

Harm was sure he detected something in Kenny's tone of voice, something that sounded familiar… was it jealousy? Then suddenly, out of the blue, it all came together. He finally understood and it made his stomach twist with empathy.

"Kenny?"

"Yes, sir?"

"You struck Commander Brumby, didn't you?"

"Yes sir! I sure as hell, God damn did." He seemed relieved to finally get it off his chest.

Again Harm dropped his head downward toward his desk to stifle another grin. "And that's why you were reduced in rank," he continued as he looked back up.

"Right again, sir." Burroughs was beginning to sweat; feeling like 'double jeopardy' wasn't going to be a factor if his new CO wanted to punish him for this. "I'm sorry, sir. I realize it was a juvenile reaction and totally unbecoming of an officer of the Royal Marines..."

Harm put his hand up to stop him. "There's no need to explain." He paused for a moment. "How long have you been reduced in rank, Kenny?"

"Almost 3 years, sir."

"What?! I take it your former CO was not as understanding about this matter as I am?"

"Aye, sir. He was Royal Australian Navy…"

This time Harm couldn't help stifling the laughter. Even Mac had to cover her mouth to hide the smile. "Understood Kenny – say no more." Harm paused thoughtfully for a moment before he continued. "Listen, before I let you go I want to ask you one last question." Harm looked knowingly at the other officer and spoke with intense seriousness, "Do you think Mic's death was a suicide?"

Kenneth Burroughs looked hesitantly back and forth between his CO and Mac before he spoke. "I honestly can't say, sir. I mean, I wouldn't have ever imagined it… but you know, he pretty much railroaded Siobhan… that was his wife… into marrying him. He never gave her an opportunity to say no, or if she did, he wouldn't listen to her. He just kept pushing – saying all the right things, everything she wanted to hear - until she agreed. Then, once they were married, it was like she wasn't enough for him anymore. He seemed to be all about the chase, getting the girl away from whomever else may have been interested in her, and once he had won then the game was over for him." He stopped and then thought for a moment before he continued. "I suppose it's possible that it just caught up with him all of a sudden… I really don't know, sir."

Harm nodded his head and dismissed the officer, thanking him for his candour and quickly sneaking a peak at Mac to make sure she had held up through it alright.

Second Lieutenant Burroughs shook Mac's hand again on the way out. "It was an honour to meet you ma'am… and a hearty congratulations as well."

Mac blushed and rubbed her belly. "Thanks, Kenny" she replied with grin. "It was very nice to meet you too."

Before Mac could sit back down, Harm had bellowed for Lance Corporal MacRae to enter the office.

"MacRae, up to what rank do I have the authority to promote without asking higher?"

"Up to Captain/Lieutenant (Navy), sir."

"Perfect. Do up some promotion paperwork on Second Lieutenant Burroughs ASAP."

MacRae stifled a small grin. "Aye, sir!"

"You're going to promote the man because he punched Mic Brumby, Harm?" Mac sarcastically accused her husband as the office door closed.

"Seems like as good a reason as any to me, Mac" he mused in mock innocence back at her with a grin. When Mac just stared at him with one eyebrow raised, Harm continued defensively "Awww c'mon, Mac! He's been busted to 'second-lewie' now for three years! How much more punishment does the guy need?!"

Mac just shook her head and smiled. She then took a deep breath, stood and walked to the window.

Harm observed her with concern from his chair for a moment in his typical position – elbow on the armrest and chin resting in the crook between his forefinger and thumb.

Finally Mac spoke. "I don't want to look into this any further, Harm."

When Harm didn't respond right away, she continued. "I'm getting the feeling that this wasn't a set up like with Jordan, and whether it was an accident or… if it wasn't…" She suddenly turned to face Harm "I just suddenly don't want to know anymore. Is that wrong?"

Harm quickly stood and approached Mac, taking her by her upper arms and searching her eyes.

Before he could speak, Mac was continuing "… I mean, I know that we've always been about the pursuit of truth… it's just that… in this case… I'm not sure that knowing the truth is going to make anyone involved feel any better…"

Harm brought his lips to her eyes to stifle the tears that were threatening to spill there. "Shhhh… I know – I know exactly what you're saying. It's OK, Mac." He pulled her into a hug and they just held each other for a long moment as Harm ran his hand through her hair in comfort. Finally he broke the silence "You still want to take me out for a coffee?"

"Damn right I do." She smiled back at him then reached up for a kiss. A kiss that was meant to be short and sweet, but took on new proportions within seconds. Mac wondered how the fire between them never seemed to die, but to actually become more intense as time went on, and even as they went through crisis after crisis – their bond only became stronger. She pulled back from Harm reluctantly as his hand snuck up her side, under her maternity blouse, making a beeline for her breast. "Harm," she breathed heavily "as suitable as I think your desk might be for the purpose, we probably shouldn't be doing this in your office."

Harm refused to let her go as he looked back and forth between the desk and her – appraising the situation. Suddenly he sighed dejectedly and smiled. "Still the one to always come up with a dispassionate plan I see Colonel…"

Mac grinned seductively "Well, how about I come up with a _**passionate**_ plan for tonight then...to make it up to you?"

Harm raised an eyebrow "You're on, Marine". They grinned mischievously at each other as they shook hands.

* * *

Petty Officer Elaine Summers watched longingly from across the room as her CO and his wife exited his office and walked towards the elevators. She watched as his hand rested gently on his wife's back every so slightly, guiding her gently, until he would realize his indiscretion and return his hand back to his side. She sighed as she counted a full three times he did this before reaching the elevators. 'He can't help himself from touching her.' She thought. 'He doesn't even realize he's doing it.'

She wanted to hate Colonel Rabb, but she just couldn't. She seemed like such a nice person and she sure did pregnancy beautifully. Briefly, Summers wondered if she could have ever been the one for her handsome CO if they had met earlier. She'd heard that these two had only married recently. She felt a twinge of regret at missed opportunities, but then resolved herself that it was never to be – firstly, she couldn't put a coherent sentence together in front of this man – he must think of her as some sort of flake – and secondly, just watching these two interact, it was obvious they were meant for each other.

She watched as the couple waited for the elevator. The Captain bent down and whispered something briefly in his wife's ear. Elaine shook her head in wonder as she observed Colonel Rabb's reaction to her husband's remark. Her whole face turned into a smile – a smile filled with love and wonder, and her eyes seemed to suddenly light from within as they met his. The Captain looked down at her with equal love and smiled the most knee-melting half smile she had ever seen. Why couldn't someone love her like that? Captain Rabb quietly reached out and gave his wife's hand a quick squeeze just as the elevator door opened and they disappeared inside. God, they looked so happy. She wondered again why she couldn't find anyone to love that much, but resigned herself that for now, she was perfectly happy to secretly lust for her CO from afar. Oh who was she kidding - this wasn't just lust, she was in love. 'Who wouldn't be in love with this man?' she thought.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

PART 15

DULLES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT  
WASHINGTON, DC  
24 DECEMBER 2005  
1630 ZULU

Harm and Mac waited patiently by the carousel for their last bag to descend and release them from the hell that had been these last 12 hours.

Mac leaned helplessly on Harm's shoulder in exhaustion – she was over eight months pregnant and the more than eight and a half hour flight had taken a lot out of her. She was trying to be strong, but she was so close to a nice bubble bath now that she could barely take any more.

Suddenly Harm saw their last bag and reacted with a muffled exclamation that contained more than one slightly audible curse. Mac had to laugh - she had always heard the expression about having a mouth like a sailor, but Harm wasn't one of those people you would normally describe in that way. The flight must have taken a lot out of him too.

"Sorry," he smiled wryly and steadied her so he could retrieve the bag. He held onto both shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "You OK?"

"Yeah" she smiled.

"I'll be right back."

In less than 30 seconds, he was back holding their bag triumphantly. "Giddy up, Marine – we're outta here." His relief was clearly evident.

As they started through the airport to the exit, Harm turned and looked at Mac. She looked so beautiful that pregnant – he always knew she would – but she was so tired he felt sorry for her. He was tired enough as it was, but he wasn't eight months pregnant. He wished she would have listened to him and agreed to stay home this year, but there was no holding her back. It was like arguing with a wall. 'Well, what else was new with them' he thought and laughed to himself. Suddenly Harm stopped and grasped her gently around the back of her neck with one hand. "Hey" he said quietly as he softly massaged her, "You gonna be OK, beautiful?" He then pulled her to him with one hand and kissed her lovingly.

Mac smiled in response – it amazed her not only how one of Harm's kisses could rejuvenate her, but that he continually found her beautiful even at her most vulnerable. They were still standing there, foreheads together and smiling into each other's eyes when they heard the familiar, grating voice.

"Well, I always knew it."

Harm and Mac turned to see the form of Renée Peterson standing there, hand on one hip and shaking her head slowly in disbelief.

"Hey Renée." Mac was the first to rebound from the shock. She felt Harm's initial urge to run, but she grabbed onto one of his hands tightly – finally rewarding herself for all the times that she had been the odd man out in this threesome. "It's so good to see you!" She said with a not-quite-fake smile. Harm's jaw dropped open slightly and he turned to look at his wife as if she had lost her mind.

"Likewise." Renée took a few steps closer to the couple and sized up Mac's condition thoroughly. "Well congratulations, Harm… I never knew you had it in you."

Harm suddenly turned his jaw-dropped expression towards Renée. He had been about to be friendly to her, but that last comment he took as a particularly uncalled for, low blow. He regrouped slightly and raised one eyebrow in her direction.

"Oh, I mean the commitment part, of course." She waived a hand at his wedding ring.

"Oh." Harm said as he put a protective arm around Mac's waist. He was at a loss for what to say. He got the feeling that Renée didn't want this conversation to be particularly friendly.

"Heading into town or out?" She said curtly.

"In" Mac offered politely. "We live in London now."

"England? Wow, you two are really moving up in the world aren't you? Still fighting crime together like Batman and Robin?"

"In our free-time" Harm interrupted Mac before she could answer. He didn't want to give Renée any more information than they had to. He just wanted to get them the hell out of this conversation.

Renée nodded again, clearly looking for an opening to hurt these two. She didn't know why she needed to… she had been the one to leave Harm… and she always knew that these two were in love…it was the main reason she had left. For some reason though, finally seeing the tangible evidence in front of her was somehow more painful than she imagined it would be and she needed to lash out. Needed to punish him for leading her on all that time when he obviously knew where his heart really lay. "So, is this your first?"

"Yes." Mac beamed and rubbed her belly. There was a long pause.

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Well, they tell us it's supposed to be a boy." Mac smiled again and looked adoringly at Harm… just to lay it on a little heavier. Harm looked at Mac and rolled his eyes with a tiny hint of a smile – he knew exactly what she was up to.

"Great." Renée said sarcastically – "Another Rabb heartbreaker."

Harm suddenly turned and eyed Renée – not sure whether to feel sorry for her or grab Mac and drag her out of there as soon as he could.

"How are the twins?" Mac offered.

"Fine" She responded with a nod. "They're good." Another long pause ensued. Renée distinctly thought she saw Harm scanning for escape routes. 'Hmmm… well obviously nothing has changed in regards to me' she thought, 'he was always looking for escape routes back then as well.' She sighed - try as she might, she couldn't come up with a single way to be mean to these two. She suddenly figured she should just bail as soon as possible. It was Christmas after all – water under the bridge… it had just been the way she had seen Harm looking at Mac when she had first spotted them. In all the time Renée had been with Harm, he had never looked at her that way. Hell, her own husband never looked at her that way now… it wasn't fair. She was beautiful, why couldn't she have captured his heart like that? A brief stab of pain darkened her eyes and she looked at the floor briefly. "Well, I guess I better get going. I have a flight to catch." She pointed over her shoulder.

"Well it was really nice to see you again, Renée" Mac beamed another fake smile at her.

"Yeah, wasn't it?" Renée attempted a fake smile of her own, but it failed miserably. She nodded to them both "Mac, Harm… Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Renée" Harm said quietly.

"Merry Christmas." Mac chimed in cheerily.

Renée turned and walked away from the couple. Harm turned to Mac and raised an eyebrow at her. "You're bad." He smiled wryly.

"Me?" she feigned in mock defensiveness. "She was looking for a fight!"

Harm just smiled, glad that the scene was over without it indeed turning into a cat fight. Having seen Renée, Harm was suddenly overwhelmed with how much better life was with Mac than it had been with her. He brought both hands up to the side of her face and kissed her tenderly.

Renée Peterson could hear her subconscious repeating in her mind like a mantra… 'Don't look back, don't look back…', but she wasn't able to resist. She stole a glance back just in time to see the kiss. The stab in her heart flickered once more as she quickened her pace. "Damn it." She cursed and bit her lip.

ROBERTS RESIDENCE  
FALLS CHURCH, VA  
24 DECEMBER 2005  
2130 ZULU

Bud Robert's opened his front door and immediately broke into a huge grin at the couple standing before him. Harm stood there with his coat collar up around his ears and Mac was so pregnant that the winter coat she was wearing did nothing to hide her condition.

"Captain! Colonel! C'mon in! You're just in time for cocktail hour." He noted the swirling and blowing snow outside. "Wow, the weather is really picking up outside, eh? It's a good thing you don't have far to go to your hotel tonight."

Harm stood back and guided his wife through the door by placing a hand at the small of her back. He grinned at Bud slyly as they witnessed Mac's attempts to get her swollen body up over the one step it took to enter the house. "Well, if it gets much worse, Bud, we may be racking out here for the night."

"Sir, you and the Colonel are always welcome."

"Bud. I think you can call me Sarah now. I'm officially on Reserve status as of two weeks ago."

"Sorry, just a habit." Bud grinned and helped her off with her coat.

"HA-HAAAA!" Mac heard Harm's voice and looked over to see him embracing Mattie with gusto. "It's great to see you kiddo! Look at you! I missed you like crazy." Mattie was now in a manual wheel chair and had good use of her arms. She was able to get herself around without difficulty. Mac looked with sadness at the look in Harm's eyes. A part of him was happy, but she could tell a part of him felt guilty that he hadn't been there to help her through it all.

"Well, I'm glad you missed me, 'cause I was kinda thinking of coming out to visit you two when my spring term is done this year."

"You'd better! Although it'll be three by that time so you better be prepared for some babysitting."

"It's a date then." She smiled and winked at Harm.

A few minutes later, after hugs and handshakes all around, they sat once again amongst their good friends. Mac sighed, happy to finally be at their destination.

"So how was the flight?" The Admiral spoke up, noting Mac's uncomfortableness.

"Ugh! It was awful!" Mac proclaimed forcefully.

Harm raised an eyebrow in concurrence. "Yeah, it was bad enough that we had a nasty head wind and had to land in Newfoundland to refuel, but the last two or three hours the turbulence was brutal."

"Three hours, twelve minutes and forty-three seconds…" as she rubbed her belly.

"Oh you poor thing." Harriet cried. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No thanks, Harriet. I already had an antacid. I'm hoping it will help. Everyone's just going to have to excuse me tonight – I probably won't be the best company until this subsides. To top it all off, we ran into Renée Peterson in the airport."

"Wow" Bud responded. "How did _**that**_ go?"

"Well Bud," Mac said with a sarcastic smile, "let's just say I think that's what gave me the indigestion."

Harm blushed and rolled his eyes as everyone in the crowd snickered.

Two and a half hours later they were just finishing supper and Mac was still looking uncomfortable. Harm eyed her warily and often. He had tried to talk her out of flying at this late stage in her pregnancy, but she insisted that she was still a Marine and wouldn't pass up this opportunity to spend the first Christmas away from JAG in their traditional manner. She had desperately been looking forward to it and wanted to share the pregnancy with everyone in some way.

Harm had felt badly for her because she really had no close girl friend in London to share the pregnancy with. She had missed the opportunity to go baby shopping with Harriet, having a shower thrown for her, etc. She needed at least this to share with her friends before the baby arrived. In short, he had been outvoted.

Mac shifted on the chair and grimaced.

"Maaac. Why don't you go sit down on the couch or something?"

Mac sighed and looked helplessly at her husband.

"Are you in pain, Mac?" Harriet looked concerned.

"No… well, yes my back hurts now." She looked defeated.

"Honey, when is your due date again… I mean, do you think you could be experiencing early labour?"

Harm's faced turned to Harriet in alarm, "She's not due until January 20th!"

"Well Harm, you know babies have been known to make their entrances whenever they damn well please." The Admiral cautioned. "Maybe the turbulence… well, … moved things along a little bit."

Harm got up and nervously helped Mac to the couch. "Ma-ac." He told her quietly with a twisted grin, "Please don't do this to me now. I don't think I'm ready yet."

She shook her head with a smile, "I don't think I have much of a choice Harm. Besides, it's probably nothing. Try not to worry."

"Well, I hope you have a name picked out, just to be sure." Sturgis couldn't help joking as he stood to help everyone gather the dishes from the table.

"Well we've got part of it picked out anyway." Mac responded with cheer, happy to be diverting her mind from her steadily increasing discomfort.

"Don't tell me you're going to call him Harmon." Mikey chimed in with a laugh.

Everyone stopped in dead silence and stared at Harm for a reaction. Harm eyed the younger Roberts accusingly. "And what's wrong with Harmon, _**Mikey**_?" Bud had told Harm a long time ago how much Mikey hated to be called that now.

"Well, it's just that…" the younger Roberts stammered and couldn't finish his sentence.

"Stand down Flyboy," Mac jumped to his rescue. "I'm sure Mike was just going to point out the fact that he couldn't be Harm Jr., Jr…. right Mike? Besides, I've said it before and I'll say it again – one Harmon Rabb in my life is enough."

Mikey laughed nervously, "Uh, yeah… exactly."

Harm gave Mikey a warning glare, something akin to 'I'm not finished with you yet' as Mikey recoiled to the kitchen with dirty dishes.

"Well, we thought of the same thing." Mac continued. "But I really wanted to use the name Harmon in there somewhere… I guess I'm just sentimental." She smiled at Harm. "So, we've decided to use a middle name that we will actually call him by."

"See, neither my father nor I had a middle name. So this way, we can call him Harmon, but avoid the jr. jr., or the 'Harmon the third' crap… excuse my language."

"Well what have you been throwing around?" Sturgis wondered.

"They can't agree on anything" Mattie jumped in disgustedly and everyone laughed.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." Smiled Coates.

"Well, I'd like it to mean something." Harm complained. "I don't know, I guess I'm just not completely OK with a name you pick out of the air and pin to some poor child. I'd like it to mean something."

"Oh wait," squealed Harriet. "I have a Baby Name book upstairs!" She immediately darted up after it.

"I don't mean that…" tried Harm, but she was already off up the stairs. Harm continued with the people who were still there listening to him. "I mean, I'd like it to mean something as in… well for example Mac's Uncle Matt. That was our first case together and her closest relative, so Matthew would have been a good name…"

"So why don't you use it?" wondered Bud.

Harm raised an eyebrow at his friend, "Well Bud, because we can't be the parents of a Matt and a Mattie." He said emphatically.

"Oh sure," Mattie interjected sarcastically, "Blame me for your two's inability to agree…"

Everyone laughed except for Mac who suddenly went two shades paler than she had just been. Harm was at her side in seconds. "Ma-ac?" He bent down on one knee and held her hand.

"I'm OK. Just could you help me up? I've got to use the ladies room." She seemed somewhat stoned faced and it worried Harm immensely. He wanted to ask her if she needed help, but he knew with that crowd he'd be open season in a second if he suggested it. He only hoped that Mac would truly let him know if she needed him. He helped her down the hallway.

"Mac. Are you sure you're OK?" he complained before she closed the door.

Mac blew the bangs off her forehead and tried to smile. "Yeah, I think so sweetie."

"Somehow I'm not reassured by that."

She leaned in and kissed him gently. "I'll be right back, don't worry."

As Harm re-entered the living room, Sturgis was reclined on the sofa thumbing through the Baby name book. "Hmmm… a name that means something to you and Mac… let's see… well there's always 'Clark'…"

"Very funny, Turner"

"Clayton?"

"Don't even go there" Harm gave him a warning glare as he walked into the kitchen.

"Need some help Harriet?"

"Oh thanks Harm, you're a dear. I've almost got the dishwasher loaded, but could you do me a favour and put the crock pot back up above the cupboard there. I can't reach it."

Harm did as he was told and then turned to Harriet seriously. "Harriet, you don't suppose… I mean, do you think Mac could really be in labour?"

Harriet smiled. "Well anything's possible."

"Yeah, but I mean this is early. Is the baby going to be OK?"

"Well, she's over 35 weeks – that should be totally fine. I know a friend who delivered at 36 weeks just last month and the baby was 7lbs!"

"Really?" Harm leaned back against the counter and let out a worried breath. He was a little reassured, but still not anywhere ready to have this baby now. "Do you think I should take her to the hospital?"

"Well, let's just watch her for now. Her water hasn't even broken yet. Don't worry, you're amongst friends – friends that have lots of experience with babies. This is the safest place you could be right now."

Harm smiled. "Thanks Harriet, that makes me feel better." He walked back into the living room just as Mac came around the corner from the hallway. She had one hand on her belly and the other was clutching the doorframe. She definitely looked ill.

"Mac?" Harm questioned the message he was receiving from Mac's pleading eyes.

"Harm – my water just broke."

Harm rushed to her side and helped her to walk by putting one arm around his shoulder.  
Sturgis immediately vacated the couch and made room for Mac. Just before she got there she was stricken with her first serious labour pain. Her face cringed but she bore it stoically.

"Owwwww."

Harm knelt in front of her with that 'dear in the headlights' expression of his.

Mac attempted to breathe normally and tried not to laugh at him. "It's OK sweetie, but I think you better call us a cab".

"Right!"

Harm got up and sprinted to the phone as Harriet, Coates and the General's wife all gathered around Mac to try and make her comfortable.

"Bud" Harm called. "I can't remember any Washington cab numbers - what are they?"

"Why don't you just take one of our cars instead?"

Harm pointed at Bud. "Good idea, Bud"

He raced to the door, grabbing his jacket off the coat rack on the way, then screeched to a halt in the threshold. "Hey Bud, you don't happen to own a four wheeler do you?... Preferably one with a plow?..."

Bud walked up behind Harm and observed the thick blanket of snow that had covered the neighbourhood and the near white-out conditions. They looked at each other slightly stunned, "Yikes" said Bud.

"OK" Harm tried to gather his wits again, "Cab it is."

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

PART 16

ROBERTS RESIDENCE  
FALLS CHURCH, VA  
24 DECEMBER 2005  
2030 ZULU

He raced back to the telephone. This time he grabbed the telephone book and proceeded to look up a cab company number. "Damn it" I used to have these memorized, why can't I remember them anymore!"

"Owwwwww!... HARM!"

"I'm coming Mac!"

A few minutes later Harm returned to Mac's side. "It's OK honey, the cab's on it's way." He didn't have the nerve to mention the outside weather conditions at this moment. It might make the situation worse.

"Well I hope it hurries." The Admiral spoke up. "Her contractions are getting pretty close together. I'm guessing that whole uncomfortable feeling she had since she got here was the first stage of labour and now this is the second."

Harm tried to add humour – mostly to reassure himself. "What is it about the women at JAG that feel they need to be over-achievers in the labour department?"

"Shut up Harm."

'OK – mental note' thought Harm. 'Humour is not going to work from here on in.'

Twenty minutes later, Harm sat at Mac's side brushing her hair off of her forehead, desperately trying to take both of their minds off of the situation. Mac would have almost believed he was calm if it hadn't have been for the death grip he had on her hand.

"I guess this little guy really wanted to be born on American soil, eh?" he grinned at her as he swallowed the lump of fear that had been in his throat for over an hour now.

Mac couldn't help but smile - she knew Harm too well to be fooled by the thin mask of confidence he was trying to exert. "Guess we've got ourselves a little patriot".

"I got it!" Bud now had possession of the Baby Name book and was thumbing his way through it as he reclined on the love seat. "How about 'Dalton'?"

"Bu-ud!" Harm, Mac and Harriet all scolded him.

Bud looked crestfallen. "I was only joking."

"Now's not a good time for jokes, son." The General patted him on the shoulder condescendingly.

Bud brightened up a few minutes later, still leafing through the book. "How about Liam?"

Harm looked confused. "What meaning does that have?"

"Nothing." Bud looked offended. "I just like it."

Harm rolled his eyes.

"HA-ARM!" Mac winced in pain. "Where is that cab? I think the baby's coming soon."

"No!" Harm panicked, then tried to be calm. "Not yet honey, it's just the storm that's probably making them late."

"STORM?!"

Harm winced. "Yeah, the weather's pretty bad out there." Everyone was looking at him expectantly and his eyes darted nervously from one friend to the other. "Maybe I'd better call an ambulance as well?" It was a question as well as a statement.

"Good idea, son. Meanwhile I think we'd better get the Colonel onto higher ground so we can examine her."

Harm looked even more panicked if that was possible.

Gunny Galindez stepped forward "Sir, I'll call the ambulance. You can help the Admiral."

Harm just nodded his head numbly as Victor went off to find the telephone.

"I'll grab the roll-away mattress from the kids' room." Bud offered. "We can put it up on the table."

"I'll grab some pillows and a blanket." Mikey chimed in.

'Damn it' thought Harm. 'Why is it that everyone else's brain is working but mine? C'mon Rabb – get your head out of your six – Mac's counting on you'

Harm kissed the back of Mac's hand and reassuringly smoothed her sweaty hair from her forehead again. She looked at him lovingly for a moment, before the next pain struck.

"OK, the table's ready." Bud called out.

"Can you stand, Sarah?" The Admiral came around to the other side of Mac.

"Yeah, I think so."

"OK – on three… one… two…UP!"

Harm and the Admiral walked Mac carefully over to the table and then manoeuvred her on to the mattress. Mikey had found a reading cushion which propped Mac up quite nicely and made her as comfortable as possible. The Admiral threw a blanket over Mac.

"OK Sarah, I'm just going to take a look and see how far you are along…"

"No!" Harm stepped up to the Admiral before he even knew what he was doing.

AJ looked slightly miffed, but had to cover a smile as the realization dawned that Harm didn't want him to look at his wife 'down there'. AJ decided to continue the gruff cover. He held Harm's stand-off glare for a few more seconds, and then folded. "Oh for Christ's sake Rabb, then you do it – I'm sick of being the only one around here who delivers the babies anyway!"

Harm was horrified. He would much rather not be the one to deliver this baby right now, but he knew he couldn't stand by and let someone else do it either – especially when it entailed looking at a part of Mac that only belonged to him now. He knew he had to step up and be strong. This was his baby and he was going to deliver it if it came to that. He looked at the Admiral seriously "Sorry sir, it's just that…"

AJ put up one hand. "Understood, son."

"I could use some… guidance of course…"

AJ smiled and winked at him "You bet."

Harm looked under the blanket and let out a muffled nervous laugh. "OK – I'm not an expert at this by any means, but I'd say we're we're pretty close to 10cm already."

"Oh God" cried Mac as another pain, and the knowledge that she was going to be having this baby right here, hit her.

"Can you see the head?" questioned the Admiral.

"Not yet."

Gunny re-entered the living room. "Sir, the ambulance says they're trying, but what with the storm, they can't guarantee getting here within the hour. Apparently there are accidents on both bridges."

"Great." Muttered Harm

"It's OK Mac." Harriet said reassuringly as she smoothed back her hair from the other side of the table. "It's a JAG tradition to have your first born outside the hospital. It's a piece of cake." She smiled. "…and if the Navy can do it – so can the Marines."

"That's right, Mac - you don't want to be outdone by the Navy do you?" It took a menacing glare from his wife to make him recall his earlier resolution to avoid all humour at this point. He changed his expression to one of support. "You can do this Mac." Harm told her.

"I know I can." She glared at him confrontationally. "Can you?"

"Is that a dare, Mac?"

"More like a challenge." She raised her eyebrow threateningly.

Harm smiled. 'Thanks Mac' he thought. It was exactly what he needed to help him through this situation. Some old fashioned competition… only he and Mac could turn the birth of their baby into a competition. Harm's thoughts were relayed to her through his eyes and she winked back at him with determination on her face.

Suddenly another contraction hit. Harm looked under the blanket again. "OK, I can see it… I can see the head!"

"Alright Sarah, we're going to get you to push on the next contraction OK?"

She nodded to the Admiral.

"Mikey – get some towels from the linen closet! And give me your shoelace!" Bud was proud of himself that he remembered this part from his own first son's delivery.

"What?! A shoelace?" Mikey looked at Bud like he was insane.

"It's OK," Harriet cut in. "I think we have some twine in the kitchen. I'll get the scissors too."

As the next contraction hit, Mac pushed with all her might. "ARRRRRRGGGH!"

Harm's head came up from underneath the blanket. He had a horrified look on his face. "There's…" he was staring blankly at the Admiral and swallowed uncomfortably. "…there's something not right." He looked back at Mac. "Honey - don't push for a minute OK?"

"What do you mean?" questioned the Admiral.

"I mean there's something else there…" There was a dead silence in the room as Harm struggled to take a breath. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I think it may be the cord…" Harm went white and he felt a wave of nausea pass through him. 'Oh God' he thought, 'Please don't let this be happening'. In the past, he had often thought of his father in extreme moments of peril, he automatically turned to him again now. Harm briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'Help us, Dad' he begged silently.

"Oh God" whispered Harriet.

"Ha-arm?" Mac pleaded with worry.

"It's OK Mac" he looked at her with unshaken confidence that seemed to suddenly come out of the depths of his soul – the same as it had that day in the Appalachian riverbed. Their eyes connected and he only needed to voice one line - "I'm going to get you through this, Mac… I promise."

Once again, all conversation passed silently through their eyes and, just like that day some nine years earlier, Mac placed all her trust in Harm.

"OK listen to me carefully Harm" the Admiral interrupted their silent conversation. "You're going to have to push the baby back in slightly and move the cord out of the way… but do it gently."

Harm nodded blankly to the Admiral and looked back underneath the blanket. "Gunny, drag that floor lamp over here some… I need more light." Harm had sweat streaming down his face.

"Yes sir." The gunny did what he was told.

Harm stood up as another contraction passed. Mac was screaming in pain now and it almost ripped his heart in two. As soon as it had passed, Harm positioned himself between her legs, took hold of the baby's head as gently as he could, pushed forward… all the while never taking his eyes from Mac's. With his right thumb, he gently slid the cord off the baby's head. "I got it!" he burst out in triumph.

A sigh of relief echoed all around, but the Admiral snapped them all back to reality. "OK Sarah, get ready to push again on the next contraction. Rabb, you watch - that cord could still be wrapped around the baby's neck or be in the way when you bring the shoulders out, OK?"

"Yes sir" Harm said confidently, all the while stifling another sickening wave.

Mac pushed as hard as she could on the next contraction.

"Mr. Rabb – how's it looking down there?!" Even the Admiral's concern was showing through.

"The head is clear…" he almost whimpered, "I don't think the cord is in the way anymore." He looked up at the Admiral for reassurance.

"OK Sarah, one more big push to get the shoulders out and we're home free, OK?"

Mac nodded silently and braced herself.

"AAAAAARRRRRGHH!!!!!" she pushed as hard as she possibly could, and then she heard the most wonderful sound she had ever heard in her entire life - the cry of her newborn baby son.

"I got him." Harm whimpered emotionally as AJ came to his aid with a towel.

"It's a boy!" Bud cried reassuringly. "He's tiny, but he sure has a set of lungs on him!"

"The son of a couple of lawyers, Mr. Roberts – what did you expect?" The General smiled.

They manoeuvred the baby onto the towel as Harriet stepped up with a piece of twine, wrapped it around the umbilical cord and tied it tightly.

She then held out scissors. "OK, who wants to do the honours?"

"I'd like to." Gunny spoke up. "I mean, if you don't mind sir, ma'am? I mean, he is part Marine…"

Harm glanced at Mac with a smile. "Just as long as you're careful, Gunny."

"Always, sir."

The Gunny quickly cut the cord and Harm brought the baby around to Mac, wrapping him tightly in the towel as he did. Mac had tears streaming down her face as Harm delivered their child into her arms. Harm wiped both sweat and tears out of his own eyes with his shoulder and kissed her on the cheek.

"He's beautiful, Harm" Mac sniffed with a smile.

"Of course he is, Mac." He almost whispered. "He couldn't be any other way."

There was a moment of silence when all in the room just grinned in relief and happiness for the little miracle they had just witnessed. It was the Admiral that broke the silence.

"I got it." He said confidently with a smile.

"Sir?" Mac looked at him.

"I know what you should call the baby."

"Yeah?" Harm smiled, "What's that?"

"I think you should call him Evan."

"Evan?" Harm looked at the Admiral in confusion. "Why's that?"

"Because it sounds like 'even'."

Everyone stared at the Admiral blankly. He looked around at everyone as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and when he realized they didn't get it, he continued his explanation as if he was dealing with a class full of underachieving children.

"Son, it's Christmas Eve" he said emphatically. "It's my understanding that you two have become big believers in fate lately and well…" he turned seriously to Harm, "…fate took one Harmon Rabb away from you on Christmas Eve son, now he's given you back another..." He paused briefly then added, "…now it's all even..."

Harm just stared at him blankly. "It's Christmas Eve" was all he could choke out quietly.

Unbeknownst to all, Sturgis had once again picked up the Baby Name book and quickly looked up the name. Everyone turned to him as he read aloud from the page; "'Evan' – Celtic – meaning 'Young warrior. Stalwart, brave, reliable, possessing great charm of manner'"

Mac smiled proudly "That sounds just like his Daddy". Her and Harm exchanged teary smiles.

"I think it's perfect, Harm" Mattie suggested quietly and rubbed his back for support as she tried to get a peak at her new brother.

Mac looked down at her son. "Welcome to the world Harmon Evan MacKenzie Rabb." She gave him a tender kiss on the forehead.

Harm stared dumbfounded at the scene and quietly rubbed a thumb gently over his now sleeping child's temple.

"Hey, that's funny!" Bud piped up. "His initials are H.E.M.R. – 'hemmer'… wasn't your dad's call sign 'Hammer'?"

Harm choked out something between a laugh and a sob and sniffed into the back of his hand. "Yeah…" he said thoughtfully, "… yeah, it was." Then he added, barely above a whisper "Thank you, Dad."

AMBULANCE  
EN ROUTE TO BETHESDA NAVAL HOSPITAL  
24 DECEMBER 2005  
2330 ZULU

"OK Sir, I need to examine the baby now."

"No!" Harm looked up at the EMT accusingly. Ever since they'd gotten into the Ambulance, Harm had been holding onto the infant for dear life and simply staring at him silently.

"Harm, it's OK." Mac said gently, knowing Harm's over-protectiveness.

"No." Harm answered defiantly, "It's too cold."

"Sir, I have the heat on in the bus."

Harm just continued to stare at the young EMT. "He's fine; you can examine him once we get to the hospital."

The technician shook his head in surrender and sat down on the other side of the bus.

"Well will you at least let me hold him, Sailor?"

Harm's face broke out into a twisted smile. "Sure." He grinned and handed the baby over to Mac.

Mac smiled at her son adoringly and tickled his nose with her own. Then she looked up at her husband with slight concern. "You alright, Daddy?"

Harm smiled a small laugh. "Yeah," he said with reassurance, "It's just that... something just occurred to me, Mac" He blushed a little.

"What?" Mac said with a curious smile.

"Well… it's just that… "He suddenly looked across at the EMT again and gave him a meaningful glare.

The young medic sat up straighter in defence and then got the drift. "I… I'll be up front if you need me."

Harm looked back at Mac shyly when he'd left. "It's just that… I guess I've always been a big fan of evidence."

Mac just continued to look at him inquisitively.

"You know me…" he continued. "I've always had trouble believing something until I saw the evidence. I like to deal in facts."

"Yeah." Mac strung out cautiously.

"Well," he blushed again, "for so many years, our love was just hanging out there… sometimes _**we**_ couldn't even see it. Sometimes we could, or we thought we felt it, but there was never any tangible evidence… nothing we could point to…"

Mac smiled and blushed as she realized where this was going.

"Even once we finally got together, there was nothing I could point to… nothing I could take out and show people to say 'Look, I'm in love with Mac!'"

This time they both laughed and looked at their sleeping, perfect son.

"Now I finally have it." He brushed a finger along the side of his son's head again. "Now and forever more - even if it's just a birth record in some dusty office archives, centuries from now - there will always be proof of the fact that we loved each other…" he planted a soft kiss on Mac's lips. "I needed that." He said breathlessly.

Mac stared at him with watery eyes. "What? The kiss or the evidence?'

"Both." He smiled and kissed her again.

Mac shook her head slowly at her husband. "I can't believe it," she mused in awe, "You have become a giant, certifiable sap!"

Harm smiled and snuggled up to his new family. "I've always been a sap – I just never had a good outlet for it before."

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

PART 17

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
5 APRIL 2006

Mac struggled with the groceries as she tried to fit the key in the lock – 'why the hell was the door locked anyway – Harm was home, wasn't he?' She put the groceries on the counter and scanned the house for her husband and son. She and Harm had learned months ago not to call out for one another upon entering the house – just in case one of them had finally gotten Evan to sleep. It's not that he was a cranky baby by any means, it was just that… well – he was a bundle of energy that never seemed to stop. She strongly suspected he'd gotten this from his father – a suspicion recently confirmed when he started really smiling. Once he started, he hadn't stopped. 'Even at this age he's already working on his 'flyboy grin'' she had once mused with a smile. 'I'm definitely in trouble.' Any time Evan did this, it was usually accompanied by an equally enthusiastic flyboy grin from his father. Harm was absolutely enchanted with everything Evan did – even if it involved creating a mess that Harm eventually was the one to clean up.

Mac finally found her boys out in the sun room. It was the first nice warm day this year and Harm had obviously tried to take advantage of it today after a particularly sleepless night with their little guy. She couldn't help the gigantic grin from creeping across her face when she took in the sight in front of her. There was Harm, lying on his back on the full length swing that they were going to move outside as soon as the weather got warmer. Their son – dressed in nothing but an undershirt and a diaper, was lying stomach down on his father's chest – chubby little arms draped sleepily over the sides, his father's left hand placed protectively on his son's bottom.

Mac did what any proud wife and mother would do – she got the camera and took a picture – a picture that would eventually make its way to coffee room and kitchen fridges all the way from McLean, Virginia to La Jolla, California. Unfortunately, one copy of that photo would also eventually find it's way to the desktop of a prison computer inside of Leavenworth, Kansas.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
23 JUNE 2007 (over 1 yr later)  
0245 ZULU

Harm stood at the doorway to their bedroom and silently watched his wife sleep. He must have stood there a full two minutes before quietly lowering his sea bag to the floor. He didn't often get sent away, but when he did it was usually just for a quick inspection tour of the offices he was responsible for. Only once and a while did the odd conference or meeting that required his presence drag him away from his family for more, and unfortunately this had been one of those times. A full two weeks he had been gone from here – a place he had grown so fond of he couldn't even fathom it anymore. When he had been single, he had been sent away on assignments much longer and it had never bothered him. Sure he had missed his friends at JAG – missed Mac - but somehow now he could barely stand to be away from her more than a day or two.

He didn't know if he would ever be able to properly explain to Mac how much it meant to him to know that he had a family at home waiting for him when he went away – not just any family, but her and Evan. He had often tried to broach the subject with her – wanting to tell her how he felt, but he never had because he had been afraid of how it would come across. He didn't want it to sound chauvinistic in any way – like he thought that her place was home with the children. A few months after Evan was born, Mac had made the decision not to return to work. Although Mac had assured him that being a stay-at-home mom was exactly what she wanted to do right now, he still didn't feel confident that she didn't miss what she had once had. She had tried to convince him by telling him that she had already succeeded at being a Marine and a Lawyer, now she wanted to succeed at this before it was too late.

He understood, but he stayed away from the topic, just to be on the safe side. He tried to keep work conversation to a minimum, and never made it sound like his job was any more important than hers – mostly because he didn't believe it. He couldn't imagine a more important job than raising his son, their only child, a little life that he had made with Mac – he still couldn't get his mind around that subject thoroughly, even now. He still couldn't believe that he was actually a father to someone. Every time he heard that little voice call out 'Daddy' or saw Evan lift his little arms up in his direction, it literally awed him.

He had always wanted a wife and a family – for as long as he could remember – but never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine it would feel like this - so wonderfully blissful and terrifying at the same time. And the terrifying part wasn't terrifying for the reasons he always thought it would be. He always thought the responsibility would be the scary part – instead, what scared him the most was the fact that now that he had so much, he had so much more to lose.

It wasn't that he was unsure of whether Mac and he would make the marriage work… at the beginning that had scared him maybe, but not any more. It had occurred to him after only a few months of marriage that he had very little to be concerned about in that department. He had been lying awake one night after making love to Mac – he was holding her in his arms and smiling at the idea that she always seemed to be the one to fall asleep almost immediately afterwards – so much for traditional stereotypes – or her insomnia for that matter. He grinned even wider wondering how she would have responded back that night in his apartment - the very first time they thought Webb was dead - had he suggested that all he needed to do to cure her insomnia was to get her pregnant.

He had been lying there that night, wondering how long this happiness of theirs would last – would he do something to screw it up colossally, and if so, what exactly would it take for him to screw it up colossally? It was then that it occurred to him. He suddenly remembered his own words that day on the Watertown - "this isn't a marriage, Mac" – and he knew how wrong that statement had been. His relationship with Mac had probably been a marriage long before they ever said the words "I do", and it occurred to him then, just why this was, and why their marriage would work where others failed. It all boiled down to the fact that no matter how much they had hurt each other in the past, they had always come back to one other. They just had to. Living without the other person was simply not an option.

He'd heard before that you had to work on a marriage to keep it, and before, he had often wondered if he was the kind of person who could do that. Then he realized that that's exactly what he had been doing all along in his relationship with Mac. They had fought and hurt each other over and over, but they had always forgiven one another, healed and moved on – not in order to fix their relationship, but because there was simply no other choice. For some reason known only to the cosmos, he and Mac needed each other in order to survive.

He had fallen asleep that night with a smile on his face, knowing full well – probably for the first time ever – that this was one relationship he wasn't going to be able to screw up.

No, their marriage not working wasn't the problem at all – the fear of losing all this came from something he felt he couldn't even conceive of yet – something else that might take all this away from him. Although he was pretty good at trying to put these thoughts out of his mind, it left him with a constant nagging feeling in the back of his head – like he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His first stop upon arriving at the house had been to Evan's room. He had proudly watched him sleep for a while too. He couldn't believe he was a year and a half old already. He was getting so tall. He smiled remembering Mac making that same comment several weeks earlier and he had chastised her for it;

"Mac, you're five-foot-nine and I'm six-foot-four – I seriously doubt that any kids we have will end up being short."

He wondered about that phrase now '…any kids we have…' Would they be lucky enough to have more? He almost was afraid to hope – they had beaten the odds when they got Evan. He tried to put it out of his mind, but he couldn't help wanting a little girl that looked like Mac. Evan was all Harm – it scared him sometimes when he looked at him. He had the dark hair and blue eyes – although his complexion was a little bit darker than his, it wasn't quite as dark as Mac's. So far, his eyes didn't change with his mood the way Harm's did, but the other day Mac swore to him that they looked green briefly one time he was crying.

Evan was everything he had ever hoped for, but he so much wanted a little girl with dark complexion and chocolate eyes – wanted Mac to have the joy of seeing her own eyes reflected back at her. Not that Evan didn't resemble Mac – he did in a strange way that no one could really place. Everyone noticed it – but there was nothing you could pinpoint on him and say 'Oh Mac, he has your '. Mac had laughed because she said she often would experience people out on the street remark to her that her son looked just like her – she would usually thank them and smile, but one day she had been waiting outside a shop for Harm to come out when she got that comment. She was just smiling and thanking the lady when Harm walked up and gave her a kiss. The lady had suddenly felt the need to qualify her statement to Mac;

"Oh my dear! Your son definitely resembles you, but of him he's the spitting image!" Mac had teased him for going beet red with pride.

Harm leaned over his son's bed and kissed him gently on the forehead. Evan had moved restlessly and whispered "Daddy", but hadn't opened his eyes – much to Harm's relief. He was hoping that Mac would be happy to see him – he didn't want to be the brunt of her frustration if he had managed to awake their sleeping son immediately upon his return. Harm had smiled and backed out of his son's room without disturbing him any further – half his heartache from the last two weeks having been somewhat relieved.

Now, as he placed the sea bag against the wall of their room, he was overwhelmed with the need to touch Mac. Originally he had hoped he would get here before she had gone to sleep, but when that fell through he vowed he would sneak into their bed noiselessly without waking her – she needed all the rest she could get dealing each day with that bundle of energy they called their son. Now that he was here however, he couldn't help himself – he should have known – it was always this way with them. With other women, the thrill of touching them had worn off within weeks. Sure he had enjoyed them, cared for them, but the overwhelming thrill he experienced with Mac had never gone away – in fact, in ways it had almost increased. He was amazed every day that she still gave him butterflies each time she entered a room – even after almost two years of marriage and eleven years of seeing her pretty much everyday.

Before he realized where he was, he had sat down next to her on the bed and was dragging his fingers down the soft skin of her arm, reacquainting himself with the curve of her hip through the silk nightgown she wore. Mac started almost immediately and grabbed his wrist in a flash – he should have known better than to try and sneak up on a sleeping Marine.

"Harm?"

"Hey beautiful" he whispered.

Mac immediately sat up and hugged him, breathing in the scent of him, of that damn uniform that took him away from her everyday. "Oh God it's so good to see you" she sighed. "You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow."

"I know," he smiled. "Then I realized that sometimes being a Captain has its privileges. It never occurred to me before that I could order someone to get me home ASAP and it would actually work."

He grinned at her that grin that made her knees weak and then he kissed her. So gently at first she wasn't exactly sure if he was going to kiss her or just hold his lips against hers. Then he sighed and deepened the kiss. He pushed her back down on the bed as he climbed on top of her. "Are you going to get out of that uniform, Harm?" she breathed into his mouth.

Harm's hands roamed possessively over her body, "Oh… most definitely… just need to… do this first… and this…" One of his last fleeting thoughts before he was truly lost in the moment was whether he would ever get enough of this woman. Every time he asked himself that question he got a more and more resounding 'No'. He wondered why he even bothered to ask it anymore.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
MELROSE ROAD  
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2  
23 JUNE 2007  
0715 ZULU

Harm awoke groggily – unsure exactly what it was that had roused him from his deep sleep. He smelled toast and coffee and it made his stomach growl. He still hadn't opened his eyes when he heard the small sound that he was now sure had been the one to originally wake him.

"Daddy" a little voice whispered.

Harm opened one eye and couldn't suppress a grin as he saw his son peering around the doorframe. "Hey munchkin".

"You 'wate?"

Harm grunted a laugh and closed his eye again, knowing he was now – no matter what he said. "Yes – I'm awake".

An ear shattering squeal filled the house and Evan made a grand running leap for Harm. Luckily, Harm, sensing his son's reaction, had reopened his eye, allowing himself the time to take a well ordered defensive posture to protect the family jewels before any hope of adding to their little family was dashed. Harm managed to stifle a small oath before giving in to the laughter of his son and proceeding to tickle him.

"Shhhh … shhh… daddy … noooo" Evan managed to squeal out between tickles – or something to that effect anyway – Evan was right at that stage where words were coming fast and furious, but they weren't always clear. Add to that the fact that since he was going to a play group and had amassed a number of friends in the area, what words were coming out were coming out with an English accent. Harm had been startled by this at first – the thought had never occurred to him before, but he supposed it did make sense - everyone else Evan knew but them spoke with one. Not that it bothered him, but it still fascinated him to hear Evan talk that way. Mac just hought it was cute, of course.

"Shhh daddy pweeeese!"

"What's the matter, kiddo?" Harm whispered too.

"Mummy get mad –not s'poss wate you."

"Oh, I see – well don't worry, I won't tell, but maybe you better go tell Mommy that I'm awake then."

"Otay".

Harm cringed and covered his head with Mac's pillow as his son went scampering off down the stairs. "Mum-meeee!!! Daddy's 'wate, Daddy's 'wate – Mummy, Daddy's hooooome!"

Harm just shook his head with a smile as he dragged himself out of bed and pulled on a pair of lounging pyjama bottoms. He laughed a little when he noticed his morning erection – judging by his activities with Mac when he got home last night, he didn't expect to see anything like that for a while yet. He grinned when he considered that it was all worth it though. What it all came down to was that it was all worth it – the time he took last night to be with Mac even though it meant less sleep - getting up with Evan this morning even though he probably could have gotten away with sleeping longer… It was worth it because when it all comes down to it, your time is all you really have to spend – the only one thing that is truly yours that no one but God can take away without your permission. Now that he had everything, he was going to spend his time where it was important.

Mac watched her husband stumble into the kitchen – sleep groggy eyes and his short spiky hair going every which way. He looked almost as cute as her little son did in much the same condition – only Evan was wired and happily munching on cereal – Harm was definitely not wired, and definitely making a bee-line for the coffee pot.

Suddenly, Evan jumped off his chair and took a couple of steps towards Harm – his index finger pointing the way.

"Daddy – wut's mattew wif you wiwee?"

Harm managed to quickly snag his son's small hand before he poked the offending protrusion, and then sighed in immense relief. Evan had picked up the expression "willy" from one of his little friends at play group and he downright refused to call it anything else, even though he could barely say it.

Mac just raised her eyebrows and grinned. "Yes Harm, what _**is**_ wrong with your willy?"

Harm glared accusingly back at Mac and rolled his eyes. "There is nothing wrong with my willy, thank you very much…" he then squatted down to his son's level "…not unless people go poking where they don't belong. Now, it's very important that you remember you don't poke any one else's willy – OK, Evan? People's willy's are their own private business - as is yours. So, no poking OK?"

"Otay" the little boy said dejectedly.

"You promise?"

"Mm-hmm – pwomiss".

Harm smiled and kissed his son on the forehead. "That's a good boy," he turned him around and lightly tapped him on the bottom to send him back to the breakfast table. "Now go finish your cereal, young man."

Harm turned around to Mac and raised his eyebrows, "Thanks Mac."

Mac just smiled innocently back at her husband "What?"

Harm raised his eyebrows knowingly at her again as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Mac sauntered quietly up to her husband and stood mere inches from him before whispering seductively. "Do I still get to poke?"

"Poke?! No!" Harm immediately countered, then he reconsidered thoughtfully and in a low husky voice he leaned in to kiss his wife, "Well… maybe just a little poke… if you're gentle…"

"Hmmm… and what if I'm good…?" she purred back.

Their lips had only just touched when they were rudely interrupted by a very loud, very excited little voice.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!!"

Harm smiled tiredly and regrettably pulled away from Mac. "Yes kiddo?" The boy grinned at him and Harm swore he knew exactly what he'd just done.

"We go see Antie an Unca Bud tay?" He didn't even attempt Harriet's name yet.

Bud and Harriet had bought a house just on the other side of the park from them and Harriet had made good on her wish for the two families to grow up together. Today they were going over to the Robert's house for a small, informal wedding anniversary party that Harriett had insisted on, and Evan had been almost as excited at the prospect of the barbeque as he had been about his Daddy coming home.

"Yes kiddo, we most certainly are."

"Mommy!" Evan called to his mom in a stage whisper.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Tell daddy bing ditaw."

"Why don't you tell daddy to bring his guitar?"

"Nooooo!" Evan looked horrified at the thought.

"Why not?"

Evan cupped his little hand around his mouth as if this would prevent Harm from hearing what he had to say. "He too biiiig!"

Harm raised his eyebrow as Mac dissolved into laughter. "Oh, I see" she crossed her arms and pretended to reason with her son, "But Daddy's bigger than me too – why is it OK for me to tell Daddy what to do and not you?"

Evan looked exasperated that he had to explain anything that was so blatantly obvious. "Betuzz - dats what Mummy's doooo!"

Mac immediately bent over double in laughter and swooped her son up into her arms. She smiled and rubbed noses with him. "That's my boy!"

"You taught him that didn't you?"

Mac raised her eyebrow sarcastically. "Yes Harm, I staged the whole thing."

BUD AND HARRIETT'S HOUSE  
ANDREW'S CLOSE  
DOLLIS HILL  
LONDON, NW2

23 JUNE 2007

1450 ZULU

"There's entirely too much testosterone in this household." Harriett observed as she surveyed the crowd that was playing – whatever the hell it was that they were playing - in her back garden.

"Mmmmm" Mac responded lazily as she reclined next to Harriett, thankful that the two biggest carriers of testosterone were the ones distracting all the smaller ones. "Poor Nicki, eh? Although, she does hold her own Harriett. You may just have a Marine on your hands there."

"Yeah, but I think she needs reinforcements." She turned to look at Mac pointedly. "And I think Bud and I have done our share already."

Mac turned defensively on Harriet once she got her drift. "Hey, it's not from a lack of trying – believe me!" Then she blushed slightly as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

"Oh really?" Harriet returned with a smile full of innuendo. Although she loved Bud dearly, the thought of sex and Harmon Rabb Jr. always made her temperature go up slightly.

Mac was suddenly feeling a little warm herself as she struggled on the defensive, "Oh Harriet, come on – give us a chance! I mean, I only just got my cycle back a few months ago!"

Harriet laughed "Awww, I'm only teasing – you know that. I was just trying to point out though, that I'm putting in my request now for a girl – OK?"

Mac smiled back. "I'll do my best."

"Yeah, well make sure that husband of yours does his best because it's ultimately his responsibility how the sex turns out."

This time, it was Mac who raised her eyebrow at Harriet.

Harriet's breath suddenly caught in her throat. "I mean…" she turned red and hit Mac's shoulder playfully, ".. – how the sex of the _**baby**_ turns out! Sheesh!"

They both laughed and Mac nodded her head with a grin. "I'll make sure he's aware of your preference."

"Thank you." Harriet grinned and took a sip of her drink in a futile attempt to lower her temperature.

Mac did the same and surveyed the scene in front of her. She had been right about him all along. Harm was such a great father – and the fact that he loved it so much made giving up the Marines all that more worthwhile. She had no regrets whatsoever – well, with the possible exception that they hadn't done this sooner. But she had gotten her 4 percent miracle - time hadn't run out on them, so she certainly couldn't complain. Life was good. Hell, it was better than good.

She'd barely gotten this last thought out of her head when the squeaking of the side garden gate brought her back to the present. She turned to see four strangers making their way into the yard. Suddenly Mac realized one of them wasn't a stranger at all – one of them was the NCIS agent Jethro Gibbs.

Mac turned to look at Harm across the yard just as he turned to her. Their faces mirrored each others' intense concern that this couldn't be good. Harm turned to Bud and motioned for him to remain there with the children. He made it to the arriving group at the same time Mac did.

Gibbs was the first to speak up. "Captain Rabb – Colonel MacKenzie." He nodded.

Harm nodded back hesitantly. "I'd say it's good to see you again Gibbs, but somehow I get the feeling that statement wouldn't prove itself to be correct."

Gibbs' barely perceptible nod was the only indication that Harm was right. He turned to Mac. "Colonel – can we speak with your husband alone for a moment please?"

Mac turned to go but Harm quickly grasped her hand without even taking his eyes off of Gibbs. "You can say whatever it is you have to say in front of Mac."

Gibbs shrugged slightly "Suit yourself." He then trained his eyes onto Harm's "Captain Rabb, you are being charged with the crimes of supporting acts of terror and treason against the United States Government."

If Harm thought that his ears were failing him, the sudden flash of handcuffs he saw in the hands of one of the other agents brought the reality of the situation down on him with full force.

"What!" he and Mac both gasped in unison but before the agents could respond, Harm put up his hand. "Wait." He breathed in sharply as he tried not to look at the horror on Mac's face. "This is obviously some sort of gross misunderstanding, but I will come with you, just…" he turned his head briefly to indicate over his shoulder, "… no cuffs. Not in front of my son. Please." He bore a look right into Gibbs' soul.

Jethro prided himself on being immune to emotion, but looking at the little Rabb standing on the grass with confusion in his eyes, he had to acquiesce. There was definitely no mistaking which one of that crowd of kids belonged to him and MacKenzie – and the kid was so damn cute – he suddenly thought he was getting way too soft in his old age. Hell – he wouldn't even have been here if he hadn't thought that there was no possible way that Rabb was guilty. It was just that the evidence against him was almost irrefutable. It was also because he had prosecuted Rabb once before when he was sure he was guilty and had been proven wrong – that was the reason he had jumped at this case. He wasn't quite sure whether he now wanted to be proven right all those years ago, or whether he wanted to make sure that the job was done properly this time too – to make sure that an innocent man wasn't wrongly prosecuted again. He strongly hoped it was the latter that made him want to be here.

Mac's voice interrupted his thoughts "Special Agent Gibbs, what are the circumstances that are leading to this arrest."

"I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you ma'am, if…"

"I'm his lawyer – tell me." She snapped.

Gibbs took a deep breath and put on a front of confidence as he looked back and forth between the couple. He always felt that looking someone in the eye at moments like this was the key determination as to whether someone was guilty or not. He steeled his voice, "A Swiss bank account in the name of Harmon Rabb Jr has been discovered to have provided direct monetary support of the London bombings of July 2005."

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Sorry for the added angst – it's not that I wished this part on our dynamic duo, it's just that I needed to take care of that dang Swiss bank account that they set up and then never did anything with – it always bugged me! ;0) Thanks for reading!

PART 18

BUD AND HARRIETT'S HOUSE  
ANDREW'S CLOSE  
DOLLIS HILL  
LONDON, NW2  
23 JUNE 2007  
1458 ZULU

"That's insane! I don't have a Swiss bank account!" Harm was imploring Gibbs with his eyes – willing him to see his innocence with everything he had.

"I beg to differ, Captain. You most certainly _**do**_ have a Swiss bank account – with a pretty hefty sum of money in it I might add. Now if you'll come with me – we can't discuss this here anymore."

"Where are you taking him?" Mac quickly stepped in.

Gibbs handed her a card. "Here is the address. Ask for me when you get there."

Harm saw the flash of handcuffs and he looked at Gibbs with pain in his eyes. Gibbs put his hand on the other agent and shook his head. The panic was starting to rise in Harm. He knew from past experience that being innocent sometimes wasn't enough – and he especially knew from experience with Gibbs that the man wouldn't be here if he didn't have a strong case. He was also keenly aware that he had to control his emotions this time or it could send everything spiralling out of control again.

"Just give me a minute." Harm whispered numbly. Gibbs nodded.

Harm turned to Mac and took a deep breath.

"It'll be alright Harm. This is all a big misunderstanding. I'll get it straightened out – I swear I will." Mac was trying to convince herself probably more than Harm.

Harm nodded his head and put his forehead against hers. "I know." He closed his eyes. He inhaled her scent and ran his hands up and down her arms and back – as if trying to memorize everything about her.

"Daddy?" a small scared voice interrupted the scene. Harm thought his heart would shatter into a million pieces in that very moment. He gently squeezed Mac's arms and walked over to where his son was standing and knelt down in front of him.

"It's OK, Ev. Everything's alright. Daddy just has to go away for awhile – but I'll be back before you know it."

"No! You juss got back!" Large crocodile tears started falling down the little boys cheeks. He was a smart kid – he didn't know what was going on, but he knew that something was definitely not right and it scared him.

Harm took his son in his arms. "It's OK son – you have to…" he caught himself before he finished the sentence. _'You have to be strong for your mommy'_ he was about to say – but he knew he couldn't do that to him. What if he never came back? Evan would live with those words for the rest of his life – just as Harm had. No, he definitely couldn't do that. "Just don't worry at all OK? Mommy and I will take care of everything and then I'll be home in no time, alright?"

Evan just nodded his head and sniffed. "Don't wan you ta go."

"I know kiddo, I know."

"You pwomissed me dinafore pangcates tonite."

Bud walked up behind the little boy and put his hands on his shoulders. "It's OK buddy – I can make you dinosaur pancakes – your daddy taught me how to make those a long time ago."

"Wanned Daddy to mait them." He sniffed again sadly.

"I know sweatheart – but I can't tonight." If Evan didn't stop this, Harm thought they just might have to use those handcuffs to drag him out of there kicking and screaming. "Just give me a big hug and I'll see you later, OK?"

Evan nodded sadly and threw his arms around his father. Harm hugged his son so tightly he had to forcefully remind himself not to hurt him. He stood up and ruffled the boys hair. He looked at Bud and spoke hoarsely.

"Take care of them for me, Bud."

"You know I will."

Harm turned to Mac again and they held one of their silent conversations. He took her hand and softly kissed her goodbye. He wanted to kiss her so much more but he was damned if he was going to put on a show for the agents.

"Harm I'm just going to get everything squared away here and then I'm going to be down to see you, OK?"

Harm nodded.

"We're going to straighten this out."

Harm just nodded again and turned towards Gibbs. "Alright, lets get this over with."

The agents escorted him out of the yard and Harm couldn't look back so he let out a sigh and looked to the sky instead.

BELMARSH PRISON  
SOUTHEAST LONDON  
26 JUNE 2007 (3 days later)  
1305 ZULU

Mac bit her lip as she watched Harm being escorted into the room and shoved into the seat on the other side of the Plexiglas from her. He looked awful. There were dark, puffy circles under his eyes and a small cut above one eyebrow. They sat there and briefly conversed with their eyes before Mac reached for the phone and Harm followed suit.

"Harm – I'm sorry. They wouldn't let me see you. I only found out where you were being held this morning. They're giving me the royal run-around here." She was a little un-nerved at his lack of response. He was just staring at her. "Harm? Are you OK?"

Harm just looked at her sadly for a moment and then tried to smile. "No, I'm not really OK – but I'm at little better now." He paused briefly and then added quietly, "I thought you'd forgotten about me again."

Mac pushed her fist into her upper lip as she tried to control her emotions. She knew Harm was referring to the time he was accused of Singer's murder and she hadn't been allowed to see him. She had told him afterwards that the Admiral had ordered them all to stay away, but she couldn't imagine how Harm must have felt at the time – rotting in prison and no friends coming to give him support – not knowing that they had all been barred from seeing him.

"Harm you know that isn't possible." She stopped to let a tear slip down her cheek. "You know that there's no possible way that would ever happen…"

Harm looked down at the table. "I'm sorry, Mac – I know. That was mean. I… I guess I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself." He looked up at her. "God I miss you." He sighed.

Mac swiped another errant tear from her cheek. "I know, Harm – I miss you too." She had to get a handle on this – had to get his spirits up somehow.

"I've got a meeting with Gibbs this afternoon. I'm hoping we can get to the bottom of these charges then."

"Have they officially released them yet?"

"Yes." She looked down at the small notepad she had with her and read from it. 'Conspiracy to provide material support to terrorists; conspiracy to provide money to support terrorist activities; and conspiracy to support designated terrorist groups.' She looked up with a small smile. "Well at least they seemed to have dropped the treason charge for the moment."

Harm looked down again, trying to control his anger. "I don't know about that Mac. I think I'd rather be dead than spend the rest of my life in here without you."

"Harm don't…"

Harm just looked up briefly under one eyebrow. "Sorry. I guess I'm two for two already." There was a long pause where neither of them knew what to say. "Well, I guess I can kiss my job good-bye at the very least."

"Actually no, Harm. I've been talking to some of the other Agents and they let me know that this has been purposely kept on the QT. Gibbs didn't want any political pressure being put on him to solve this case one way or another, so he was apparently adamant that they find some way to keep this out of the press. That's why they came and got you on a weekend instead of arresting you at your office on Monday."

"Well, that's hopeful I guess."

"Yes, Bud has taken over for you and as far as everyone else at the office knows, you're on temporary medical leave for a back injury." She looked down sullenly for a moment and then returned her gaze to him hesitantly. "Unfortunately, in reality you've been temporarily removed from duty and are on 'Leave without pay'."

Harm's eyes flashed anger. "Dammit, Mac. How am I supposed to support you guys? I can't have my family starving to death while I rot in here for who knows how long!"

"Harm, calm down – we'll be fine."

"Mac – sell the cars. Get a hold of Sturgis and tell him to get whatever he can for them."

"Harm!" Mac had to interrupt him. "I said - don't worry! We'll sort it out, OK?"

Harm put his face in his hand and rubbed it up and down, before looking back up at Mac, "You know I can't not worry about you, Mac."

Mac smiled sadly and cocked her head to the side. "I know, Harm. But please try. Remember – I'm still a Marine. I can handle it."  
They held their eyes for a long moment.

"You know," Harm finally spoke softly, "I think I'd be alright… I mean, … " Harm reached up and waived angrily at the Plexiglas, "… if there wasn't this damn divider between us." He looked her in the eyes, "I need to touch you, Mac… to smell you…" he looked down in embarrassment and shook his head. "I know it sounds crazy but…" he looked back up at her and she could see his eyes were glassy. He suddenly seemed like a lost little boy. "…you give me strength, Mac – you always have. Not being able to touch you is like…" he brushed his knuckle quickly under his nose and sniffed in exasperation as he looked away. "It's like Samson having his hair cut off."

Mac thought she might break any moment, but she had to be strong and she had to find some way to strengthen him without physical contact. "Well," she smiled jokingly, "You probably don't want to smell me right now – I haven't showered in days." This was almost true… she'd been too busy trying to track down the whereabouts of Gibbs and Harm and everyone else associated with this case.

Harm glanced at her sideways and gave her a small smile. He looked down in his lap for a moment and then raised his eyebrows and smiled shyly at her. "I think you'd smell heavenly anyway."

Mac fought back the tears welling in her eyes and smiled sweetly. "Yeah – I'm a regular bottle of perfume, Harm – 'Eau de Homeless Person'"

Harm and her both laughed for the first time in nearly 3 days and then just stared at each other with watery smiles.

Harm's smile suddenly evaporated when he realized what was about to happen. "Oh God, don't go yet Mac. Please – just a little longer."

"Harm, I wish I could – but you know they won't let me. Besides – I'm on a mission to get you out of here. I don't have time for idle chit-chat." She was trying to be light-hearted but she was afraid she may have come off as flippant.

Harm hated being such a baby about this, but he was literally addicted to her and going cold turkey was making him act like a junky. He could only ever remember being addicted to one thing before and that was his cigars – but he'd wanted to stop smoking. How the hell do you just stop doing something that you have no intention of ever giving up?"

"Mac – promise me you'll come back soon."

"Harm you know I'll try, but they keep snowing me."

"Yeah – they keep moving me around."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure – I think maybe an attempt to disorient me… wear me down…"

The guards entered the room at that moment to end their discussion.

"I love you Harm."

"Love you too Mac." He whispered.

And then he was gone.

BELMARSH PRISON COURT OFFICES  
SOUTHEAST LONDON  
28 JUNE 2007 (2 days later)  
1025 ZULU

"Agent Gibbs, what the hell is going on?" Mac was on a rampage and in definite Marine mode.

Gibbs just stared at the table as if his pencil was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. He was waiting for this tirade to pass. Hell – he wasn't a dumb squid like Rabb – he knew better than to argue with a fully riled Marine. When he thought she was through, he slowly lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"Colonel MacKenzie…"

"It's Rabb God damn it! And I'm not a Colonel anymore. I'm on inactive Reserve status!" This guy's calmness was driving her insane – no wonder Harm went ballistic during the Singer investigation.

"Well what would you like me to call you then? Mrs. Rabb?"

Mac was pacing furiously now and she was seriously considering tackling the man and beating him senseless – purely to get a reaction of some kind. She finally just snapped.

"Oh… would you just call me Mac for God's sake!"

Gibbs was a little taken aback. He didn't like the idea of calling her Mac – it was too familiar – it might cause him to get too close - too soft. He opted to address her as nothing at all.

"Listen, I can understand your frustration, but you have to understand what's going on here. We're talking about terrorism – that's a real hot button. And a lot of it is being handled by the British Anti-Terrorism Squad and MI5. They don't take kindly to being told what to do by NCIS agents – especially American ones."

Mac just eyed him suspiciously. "Well, then how come I can't even track you down for a meeting? I was supposed to see you two days ago and you never showed!"

"I know, but you have to understand that sometimes things happen fast around here. I have to move quickly sometimes to put out fires – I really don't want this getting out to the press – as I'm sure you don't either. There would be no way for the SECNAV to keep Captain Rabb in his position if it was ever known to the public that he'd been charged with terrorist activities – even if he was cleared of them."

When Mac didn't answer, Jethro moved forward and placed both his elbows on the desk in front of him, lightly tapping the eraser of his pencil on the metal surface. He raised his eyebrows and looked at Mac.

"Despite what you may think of me, I do have an open mind you know." That was as close as he dared tell her that he thought he might believe them. He just wished he knew how to tell her he had no way of disproving the charges.

Mac continued to eye him suspiciously but, finally acquiescing to his admittance, she concluded her pacing and fell into the nearest chair with a frustrated sigh.

"So why are these charges so hard to disprove?"

"Well, that's the brunt of it, Mac." Damn, that had slipped out. He was definitely going to regret that – he just knew it. "I mean, usually it's almost impossible to trace these kinds of funds. There are usually layer upon layer of pseudonyms, false businesses and fake charities. It takes forensic accountants years to pry away at all the layers sometimes, and then they still often come up empty handed – and it's almost impossible to trace the money once it gets into Afghanistan." He paused in frustration. "This was so obvious – you can trace the money right from the bank account with Rabb's name on it, pretty much directly to freaking 'Abdul's Bomb Making Supplies'!"

Mac raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

Gibbs shrunk back in his seat slightly. "Well, not exactly, but I'm not at liberty to say what the exact connection is right now. Suffice it to say that it's a pretty clear cut trail and a significant smoking gun."

Mac was finally feeling hopeful for the first time in almost a week. She looked at Gibbs with the most calm and serious expression she could muster. "Which tells you _**what**_ Jethro?"

Damn, now she'd used his first name – how the hell had he let himself get into this? She was right though and it certainly wasn't the first time he had thought of it. It was the reason he had taken this case in the first place. "It tells me that someone _**wanted**_ us to find it."

"Give the man a meat pie."

Gibbs had to smile inwardly. She was good – no wonder Rabb loved her. "Yeah – I'm just not sure what I can do about it." He tapped the pencil a few more times, looked at Mac and stood up. "There are a lot of people that would love to use your husband as a scapegoat – to prove to the British and American public that we're actively catching and prosecuting those responsible. Rabb's case in the press would be open and shut. Unfortunately, there's a fine line on this one because of the fear of scaring the crap out of that same public with the knowledge that one of their own could have been so involved. People are used to suspecting the obvious candidates – not your trusted friend and neighbour and definitely not someone so high up in the military who had sworn to protect you. That's the only thing that's keeping us afloat right now, Mac." Damn, he did it again. She is very good.

Mac took a deep breath and considered Gibbs's words. "So you're saying that you don't believe that Harm is guilty, but you have no evidence or any way of disproving the charges."

"That's exactly what I'm saying." OK – so she'd gotten him to admit it. How bad could that be?

Mac twisted in her chair and finally met Gibbs's eyes. "I think I know someone who can help."

BELMARSH PRISON  
SOUTHEAST LONDON  
4 JULY 2007 (6 days later)  
1405 ZULU

Harm looked even worse than the last time she saw him. He looked pale and tired. She couldn't tell through the dirty glass – but she was sure that it wasn't just a dark circle under his left eye, but the remnants of a bruise. He wouldn't tell her about it though – he kept brushing her off whenever she'd asked him about how he was being treated. He would only tell her the general stuff.

"They moved me around a lot this time. They took me on a plane. I was scared Mac – I thought they were taking me to Gitmo."

"Where did they take you?"

"I don't know."

His voice was flat and emotionless. Mac knew he was shutting down. It was one of his coping mechanisms. She wasn't sure which hurt more, to have seen him so upset and emotional like last time, or to see him like this.

She finally got a flicker of emotion from him. "I came everyday, Harm." His eyes shot to hers and she saw a flicker of pain. Maybe she shouldn't have said that – but she couldn't have him thinking like he did the last time. "Sometimes they make me wait hours before they tell me they're not going to let me in." She was speaking quietly, as if she was afraid anything she said might set him off.

He just shaded his eyes with his hand and shook his head slowly – not allowing her to see his eyes.

"Evan's outside."

Another flicker of pain as his eyes shot up to hers. "You didn't tell him he could see me?" He looked horrified.

"No, I wasn't sure if I could get in so I didn't say anything." She paused and tried to steel her voice. "Harm, he has to see you – he has to know you're OK."

"No!" Harm stared stone-faced through the glass. "I won't allow him to see me like this."

"Harm – he's not even 2 years old yet! He's not going to remember this!" she gestured her arms around the room in frustration. "None of THIS is going to mean anything to him! He just needs to see that his Daddy is alright. He doesn't understand why you're not home and it's scaring him!" She couldn't help raising her voice in frustration.

"And THIS isn't going to scare the hell out of him?" Harm smacked the glass in front of him in anger.

Mac looked away to regroup and then said quietly. "Honestly Harm – I have no idea. But I'm willing to take the chance so that he can see you for himself and know that you're alright."

"But I'm NOT alright, Mac!" Harm was barely containing his anger. "And I don't have the energy to put up a front for him and pretend!" He couldn't meet her eyes. "If you try to bring him in here I will leave the room."

Mac sighed in frustration and sunk her head into her hand.

Harm just stared at the top of her head for a moment before he finally spoke quietly. "I don't want to argue with you, Mac. This is hurting worse than the incarceration."

Mac raised her head and put her fist to her mouth again to try and stop the welling tears. "OK – new topic." She cleared her throat and finally spoke with an attempted smile. "I got a chance to speak to Gibbs last week."

"What did he say?"

"Well – let's just say, I think we actually have an ally in him but his hands are pretty tied."

"So he believes me?"

"I think so"

"Well thank God for small miracles."

"The only problem is, it's not enough. Whoever set you up has left a pretty indisputable trail. It's only because it's so bloody obvious that Gibbs believes you at all. He wants to know who we think might responsible."

"Yeah – I've been thinking a lot about that too. I've made a few enemies in my time, Mac – but I can only think of one that would pull off something like this…"

"Palmer."

"Give the girl a meat pie."

Mac and Harm looked at each other with a slight twinkle in their eyes for a second. For some reason – even though they'd gotten it from Brumby – that had become one of their favourite expressions over the past few years because it almost never failed to make them smile.

Harm finally broke contact and scrubbed his hand over his face. "So how are we going to catch him, Mac?"

"Leave that to me, Harm. I have an idea."

"Tell me what you're thinking, Mac."

"Harm…"

"Maaaac."

Mac looked at her husband seriously for a moment. "I'm going to call Webb."

"No!"

"Harm – you know he's the only one who's in a position to help us!"

"I thought he came in from the cold?" He spat viciously.

"Well even if that's so, at least he still has contacts."

Harm didn't think he had ever felt so utterly helpless in his entire life. The lack of sleep and constant interrogation was wreaking havok with his nerves. He pounded his fist on the table in frustration, "Damn it, Mac – can you do anything else to make me feel absolutely _**impotent?!"**_

"Harm – don't even go there!"

"It's just… God, why does it have to be Webb? Of all people…"

"Harm, I don't _**want**_ to talk to Webb – believe me. It's just, he's the only one who might be in a position to help." She paused briefly. "Harm – you know I would do _**anything**_ for you."

Harm looked up at her with cold eyes and said softly. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Mac was suddenly overwhelmed with indignation, "How DARE you!" She slammed the phone down on the cradle and turned her back on him to storm out. She heard the muted crash as Harm threw the receiver against the Plexiglas, and turned to see him being dragged out of his chair by two oversized guards. Her heart immediately softened and she regretted her outburst – especially since she had no idea how long it would be before she got to see him again. Their eyes met and she thought she lip-read him saying, "I'm sorry Mac – forgive me?" But she didn't need to see his lips to know what he'd said – she'd read it all in his eyes. She hoped to God that he had been able to read her affirmative reply in her own eyes because she didn't have time to respond any other way before he was gone behind a large metal door.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

PART 19

EN ROUTE TO WILLESDEN GREEN  
4 JULY 2007  
1510 ZULU

Mac gripped the steering wheel of their little Alpha Romeo and tried to concentrate on staying on the correct side of the road – she still wasn't completely comfortable with driving here. Harm was used to it – he'd learned how to drive in the Bahamas… Harm… God, why had she been so stupid and let her emotions overcome her like that? Why, when Harm needed her support, had she lost control so easily? She knew the answer, but it didn't help her much. They were both running on very little sleep and extreme emotional distress. Sure he had started it with that comment, but she should have understood earlier that he was only reacting out of fear and helplessness. She shouldn't have turned on him.

"Mummy?" a scared little boy spoke up from the back seat.

"Yes pumpkin?" Mac tried to bring herself back to the present and get herself under control.

"We need ta go get Daddy."

Mac's shoulders slumped at this simple but poignant statement. She had used the excuse that Harm was on a carrier at sea and that's why he wasn't home. Harm had built Evan a model of the USS Constellation several months ago and it sat in Evan's room. Because of this, Evan knew about carriers so she figured it was something he would understand.

She fought back more tears. "Why is that sweetheart?"

"Betuzz Daddy can mait you stop cwying. I dunno how."

Mac swiped at the tears in her eyes so that she could see to drive.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
4 JULY 2007  
1530 ZULU

Mac let go of Evan's hand as they stepped through the front door. As she closed it door behind her, she almost ran right over her son as he suddenly stopped short in the wide doorway to their living room. Mac almost jumped a foot when she spotted the man sitting in the armchair by the window.

"Jesus Webb! Can't you just come to the front door like regular people?"

"Now, what would be the fun in that, Sarah?" He paused briefly as they looked at each other. "You look good." He said soberly.

Mac cleared her throat and bent down behind her son. "Sweetie, this is a friend of Mommy and Daddy's – Mr. Webb. Clay, this is my son Evan."

Clayton smiled as he walked up to the little boy and crouched down to his level. "Hi Evan."

"Hi" the little boy said shyly, but he still looked the man directly in the eyes.

'Typical Rabb' thought Clay at the child's ability for eye contact. "Boy – you sure look like your Daddy."

Evan smiled eagerly at this. "My Daddy's on a ship!"

"So I hear." Webb looked knowingly up at Mac. He looked back at the little boy. "Is he flying his plane?"

"I dunno…" the boy's demeanor suddenly changed, "…Wan him to come home." He said sadly.

Clay stood up and ruffled the boy's hair – "I know." He was altogether too uncomfortable at being this close to the incarnation of the Rabb/MacKenzie union - to something he had been so close to having for himself. Sure he had heard when they had gotten married and also when they had the child, but seeing it for himself was bringing all the painful memories back.

Mac leaned down to her son's ear. "Why don't you go play with some toys while I talk to Mr. Webb, OK?"

"Yes Mummy." Evan scampered off.

Mac moved uncomfortably towards the kitchen while Webb followed her. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Just some water would be fine, thanks. He seems older than two."

"He's not even two yet," she was still not looking at him while she talked, but instead busied herself with getting the water. "… but he learned to walk at nine months so he's had lots of practice at that..." She laughed nervously and shook her head absent-mindedly at the memory, "…babies have no business walking at nine months… and once he started talking… well there was no stopping him… must be the lawyer gene…" Suddenly she realized she was babbling and turned to Clay as if she suddenly remembered why he was here. "Thank-you for coming Clayton."

Webb finished the earlier conversation first, "Leave it to a Rabb to want to do everything better than everyone else." He paused slightly before he continued. "Hey, you asked so here I am."

"I know that we didn't part company on the best terms… but I was hoping…"

"Sarah – I understand – you don't need to explain." Webb turned and looked out the window. "Besides – I still owe Rabb for Paraguay... and for once stealing his girl. This is the least I can do."

"Yeah, well he eventually stole me back."

Webb turned and stared at Mac. "He never had to steal you back, Sarah - I never really had you. That much was pretty obvious." He looked down at the hardwood floor before he looked back up. "I guess I always knew that this was your eventual destiny – I just thought I could steal some time before Rabb finally got his act together."

She wanted to slap him all over again for that comment. Why did men in her life that she once thought cared for her, always turn out to be only interested in winning her as some sort of prize in a pissing contest? I guess that was one of the reasons she loved Harm so much. He had always let her make the decision of who she wanted to be with – even when it hurt him – and her – in the process.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and she couldn't stop the sarcasm. "Oh look Clay – someone who knows what a front door is for."

Webb couldn't help snickering.

Jethro Gibbs was standing at the front door holding a plain white envelope. "This is for you." His eyes tried to convey who it was from, but he needn't have bothered. Even though there were only three little letters on the outside - 'Mac'- she knew that handwriting better than her own. She fought the urge to tear it open immediately and instead put the envelope on the front hall buffet for later. "Thank you, Jethro."

Damn, he wished she'd stop calling him that.

Mac took a deep breath, "Clayton Webb, this is Special Agent Jethro Gibbs – NCIS."

"Pleasure."

"I've heard a lot about you."

"All good I hope."

Gibbs just held Clay's eyes and didn't respond. Clay didn't need to ask what that meant."

"Shall we?" Mac gestured to the living room and silently mused that Clay's reputation for Ops going bad must not only be confined to the realms of her JAG world. "OK gentlemen, let's get down to business. Clay – tell us what you know."

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
4 JULY 2007  
2012 ZULU

Mac sat on their overstuffed couch and fingered the envelope quietly. Webb and Gibbs had long since left and she had just managed to get a sleepy Evan Rabb into his bed for the fourth and hopefully last time of the night.

Her meeting with the agents had actually been quite productive. Webb already had a team of people that were working on tracing the computer banking transactions back to Palmer. Gibbs felt confident that with this new information he would be able to convince Scotland Yard to allow Mac more access to Harm and to start being allowed to properly represent him. He felt that if they knew there was a possibility he would be cleared of the charges, they would stop taking advantage of the fact that Harm's incarceration was supposed to be kept quiet.

Webb had confirmed that Palmer was indeed still in Leavenworth and hadn't somehow miraculously escaped like last time. In the end, they had agreed that it would be good to have someone on the inside there to try and trip him up – just in case the computer tracing didn't work or took too long. Palmer didn't often make mistakes, but his one weakness was his feeling of superiority and his need to flaunt his intelligence in everyone's face. They had agreed that her Uncle Matt might be the perfect man for the job. Palmer might already know that Matt was her uncle, but if he did, that could still work to their advantage. Palmer might feel the need to taunt him with the knowledge of his success.

They had decided that Mac would go down to visit Matthew O'Hara under the guise of bringing Evan for a visit. Webb would go as well, in order to bring the Prison Warden into their confidence and allow their plan to take shape.

Now finally she was left alone to read Harm's letter. Slowly she slid her finger under the flap and unsealed it.

She brought the envelope and letter to her face and took a deep breath – hoping desperately that it might still smell of him, but it didn't. Her eyes fell on the familiar script;

_'Mac –_

_What can I say? I don't know where to start. How can I begin to apologize for my inexcusable behaviour?_

_I wish I knew how to stop acting like this, but the fact is that I don't – not right now. This has worn me down more than I care to admit. I don't know which is worse – the long agonizing minutes I spend awake thinking of you, or the moments that I wake up from a spectacular dream of making love to you, only to discover where I really am._

_Last night I dreamt of that wonderful day you gave me a son. It seemed so real – like I was there all over again – and I was so happy for a moment._

_I finally know exactly how Shakespeare felt when he wrote "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub", for I would sleep all I could in order to dream of you, if I didn't have to deal with the pain of waking._

_I've been thinking of that soliloquy a lot lately – trying to see if I could remember all of it from my freshman English class. Wouldn't the Admiral be proud of me? Don't worry - I'm not suicidal or anything - it's just doing a good job of occupying my mind – a little trick I learned in China that time – did I ever tell you about China?_

_Anyway, – Mac? What's a 'bare bodkin'? 'Cause I can't imagine anything other than the obvious and that just brings me back to what I was trying to get my mind off of in the first place. (See, I haven't lost my sense of humour – that's a good thing, right? Or am I just rambling now?)_

_Back to the real reason for this letter. I have to tell you that I'm sorry, Mac. That I do trust you. I have to – you own my heart. I can't just give it and take it back at will. I have to trust that you will keep it safe for me. I made that decision a little over two years ago now and have no intention of changing it – ever – not that I could if I ever decided to try. Isn't it strange that we trusted each other with our lives long before we trusted each other with our hearts?_

_I guess we missed our 2nd Wedding Anniversary. I'm so sorry. I had something special planned – and it actually involved taking you out somewhere nice before I took you home and ravaged your body. I know – it's hard to imagine isn't it? Well, I guess we'll have to wait until I get out of here so that I can prove it to you._

_And I have to believe that I will get out of here Mac, because the alternative is unthinkable. Like I said – I have always trusted you with my life and now I'm going to once again call in that favour. Please get me out of here, Mac. I can survive as long as I know the Marines are coming to storm the beach._

_I also trust your opinion that Gibbs is indeed an ally now and that he will agree to sneak this letter out for me. I need you to know that I'm not the crazed lunatic you witnessed this afternoon. It's still me – Harm – the man that loves you more than his next breath. I'm just a little worse for wear right now._

_Forgive me, Mac._

_Always yours,_

_Harm.'_

Mac wiped the tears out of her eyes and found a pen and paper in the desk drawer to write her own note back. She knew she didn't have time to try and get in to see him tomorrow – she didn't want to spend precious time waiting, only to be turned away again. She also didn't know how she would deal with it if he didn't want her to go.

_'My dear Harm,_

_What am I going to do with you? Did you suddenly forget that I can still kick your butt from here to the Baja Peninsula?_

_I love you Harmon Rabb and there's no one that's ever going to change that, but it's OK - I know you're no good at **not** taking action in the face of injustice. It's one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. But this time you have to be the one to sit tight and wait for me to straighten this out. Hold on Sailor – your Marine is coming for you._

_We are on to something that will lead to your freedom, but I have to go to Kansas for a short while to visit Uncle Matt. I think you know what I mean._

_Please don't worry about me (I know, you don't have to tell me that you can't do that), but you are my life, Harm – please let me go and get my life back because it's just not working without you._

_You are constantly in my thoughts and dreams – I miss you so much it hurts._

_I will come and see you just as soon as I get back. I love you._

_Always and forever,_

_Mac_

_P.S. I don't know either Harm, but I can't wait to see your 'bare bodkin' once you get home.'_

Harm brought the letter up to his face and smelled it – it smelled like her – thank you, God. He dropped his upper body back down on the bunk and closed his eyes. He had just been given strength for at least another day.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

PART 20

US MILITARY DISCIPLINARY BARRACKS  
LEAVENWORTH, KANSAS  
VISITOR'S AREA  
6 JULY 2007  
1020 ZULU

Colonel Mathew O'Hara sat across from his niece, eyeing suspiciously the CIA agent skulking in the corner. The man looked completely out of place with the young blue-eyed toddler.

"I don't like the looks of him, Sarah. Get him out of here."

Mac blushed slightly, wondering what her Uncle would have thought if he knew she had once dated him. Then she smiled a bit and leaned in to him at a whisper, "I understand Uncle Matt – believe me. It's just that we need his help right now."

Matthew O'Hara nodded imperceptibly as she leaned back. "Sarah, where's Harm?" he asked cautiously.

Mac suddenly looked crestfallen. "That's the problem, Uncle Matt. Harm's been arrested." She kept her voice low so that Evan wouldn't hear.

"What?!" It was the last thing he'd expected to hear from her. "When? How?!"

"Listen carefully – I'm going to go over this briefly with as much as I know, and then Webb is going to bring Evan over so you can talk to him. I'm afraid he was a little too young to remember you from his last visit."

O'Hara cracked a small smile. "I can imagine. I can't believe how much he's grown. Although being Harm's son – it's not surprising." He suddenly turned sober again and faced Mac. "OK – tell me what's going on and how I can help."

"Well," Mac took a deep breath, "Harm's been accused of funding terrorist activities. Apparently they've connected him to a Swiss Bank account that they were able to tie directly to the London Bombings two years ago. It's totally bogus of course and Harm and I are positive that the man behind it is incarcerated here – Clark Palmer – you know him?"

O'Hara nodded affirmatively. "Oh yeah – I know him well."

"Does he know you're my Uncle?"

"Yes – he's taunted me more than a couple of times about you. I wasn't aware that he had it in for Harm though."

"Yeah – there's a long standing feud there. Harm is responsible for him being here in the first place… actually, he put him here two or three times as a matter of fact."

"I see."

"Uncle Matt – Palmer is obsessed with keeping Harm in a "Wilderness of Mirrors" – you know the term?"

"Yes"

"I don't think it's his intention to hurt him or any of us… or even to make this a permanent incarceration. I think he knows he will get found out eventually – he just wants to put Harm through as much torment as he can – let him know that Palmer is the one in control and that he can do it to him any time he wants to at will. Palmer is twisted that way." She paused thoughtfully and took a breath.  
"We hadn't heard from him in a while and we thought he'd pretty much given up, but now it's evident that this is not the case. Once again he's playing on Harm's intense protective instincts. God knows they were bad enough before, but obviously now that there's a family involved…." Mac hesitated and looked absent-mindedly back at her son. "Well, Palmer has obviously found out about this somehow and is doing his best to torment him – to keep him away from everything he holds dear and to cause him to be powerless to protect us. He knows what that would do to Harm… what it _**is**_ doing to him..." She bit her lip to keep the emotions in check.

"How is he holding up, Sarah?"

Mac's eyes brimmed with tears, but she offered a small smile and bobbed her head up and down. "He's trying Uncle Matt, but… well… you know Harm."

O'Hara smiled himself. "He's going crazy, isn't he?"

They both laughed as Mac sniffed and continued to nod in the affirmative, "Pretty much – yeah."

O'Hara turned serious again. "What do you need me to do, Sarah? You know I'd do anything for you two…" he then corrected himself as he eyed the small boy leaning up against the far wall, staring back at him with wisdom beyond his years. "… for you _**three**_."

Mac leaned forward to outline their plan.

BELMARSH PRISON  
SOUTHEAST LONDON  
4 AUGUST 2007 (1 month later)  
1620 ZULU

Harm felt his heart start to race as he walked into the room and saw Clayton Webb waiting for him. He fumbled for the telephone and searched Webb's eyes – looking for answers to the questions that were spinning around in his head.

"Is there something wrong with Mac?" Harm's mouth was desperately trying to produce saliva.

"Rabb, everything's fine – don't worry. I needed to see you."

Harm put the telephone down on the desk with obvious relief and turned away from Webb momentarily. When he'd collected himself, he spun back on the agent – mask firmly in place.

"What do you want Webb?" He attempted to keep the disgust out of his voice, knowing that Webb was actually in the process of trying to help him.

"We need to talk."

"Sorry buddy," he spat sarcastically, "if you want me to volunteer for one of your infamous missions, I'm sorry to say I'm temporarily unavailable."

Webb just chuckled – he knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park to talk to Rabb, but he had things he needed to say and wasn't going to be easily dissuaded.

"Very funny Harm. Actually I've come to discuss your case."

Harm suddenly turned serious. "You've had a break?"

Webb was momentarily unable to meet Harm's eyes and instead, traced his finger over the desk in front of him. "No… we haven't..." He finally brought his eyes up and looked at him squarely through the glass. "… and I don't think we're going to get one."

Harm's heart froze in his chest, but his face refused to show emotion. "Why not?" he said quietly.

Webb took a breath and spoke apologetically. "Look, I'm sorry Harm but we've been at this for almost two months now and we've got nothing to show for it. Kershaw has withdrawn my resources lately – I'm now down to a team of three… including myself…"

Harm looked down and leaned back in his chair – not entirely trusting his ability to stay in his seat. He thought he felt the room starting to spin. Webb's voice brought him back to reality.

"… Listen, I just thought you guys should know where we stand now… that it's not looking too positive…"

Harm's head snapped up. "Have you discussed this with Mac?"

"No, I was downtown and thought I'd come to see you first… I was heading over there next…"

"Well don't"

Webb shrugged his shoulders. "Sure Rabb, whatever you want." He eyed him warily, "but she deserves to know this you know…"

"It's none of your business, Clay".

Webb nodded his head. "Right… uh… listen, speaking of that… there's something else I've been wanting to say to you."

"I'm listening."

Clay looked up hesitantly. "I'm flying out of town tonight, and I don't know when I'm going to be back so I wanted to get this off my chest. I just… well, I never really thanked you for saving my life back in Paraguay." He looked down at his hand on the table and laughed. "Actually, if I remember correctly, I thanked you by blatantly taking advantage of a situation and exploiting it to my own purpose."

Harm just stared at him through the glass.

"I just want you to know that… well, I was at a particularly low part of my existence and I was acting out of desperation… and well… I'm not proud of that." He was finally able to meet Harm's eyes again. "I never should have interfered between you two – I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help myself. I suddenly saw a chance and I had to run with it… anyway…I guess it's just that… well, I once had the honour of considering you a friend, and I threw that friendship away over my own selfishness. After the dust settled I lost two good friends and my own self respect. I'm sorry Harm."

Harm breathed out and scrubbed his hand over his face. "I appreciate your apology Clay."

"But you can't forgive me." It was a statement more than a question.

Harm squinted at Webb through the glass. "Honestly Clay, I don't know how I feel. I'd like to be the better man and say I forgive you, but I don't know that I'd be being honest."

Webb backed off with a wave of his hand. "I understand. You don't have to explain."

"But Webb?"

"Yeah?"

"I do want to thank you for all of your help trying to get me out of here."

Clay smiled. "Hey, it's the least I can do. I'm sorry it didn't help more."  
Sensing a conclusion, Webb decided to make his departure. "Well Rabb – good luck. I will keep trying you know."

"I know – thanks."

Harm sat at the cubicle watching Webb's exit, knowing he was witnessing his only hope walking out the door.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
20 DECEMBER 2007 (over 4 months later)  
1937 ZULU

Mac stared sullenly out her kitchen window as she finished the last of the supper dishes. She couldn't believe it had been over six months since this whole nightmare had begun. Things had progressed so painfully slowly. And to her knowledge they were no closer now to making the connection than they were then. Both Webb and Gibbs had kept her updated regularly – she knew they were trying their best, but she was filled with a sense of unbelievable anger at the injustice of it all - furious that Palmer had been successful this long in his plan to torment Harm. Six months ago she was sure they were going to be all over him like white on rice – now he was still the one laughing… she was sure he was… and she was left helpless here to watch Harm hang on to his sanity by a thread. The only thing keeping his spirits up was the fact that Mac was able to visit him more regularly. Now he was just a plain prison inmate.

Nothing had gone as planned – no miraculous connection had been found – even Gibbs had gotten frustrated. Their plan to attack Palmer from the inside had gone nowhere. He hadn't fallen for Uncle Matt's goading no matter how hard they had tried to trip him up. Matt had even suggested that it was making Palmer stronger somehow – like he was secure in the knowledge he was playing them like circus animals.

She knew Harm had been taking out his frustrations at the prison gym. He had always had a runner's body – that was his preferred choice of a workout – using weights only to keep his upper body toned. Now he was getting bigger and bigger in the arms and chest every time she saw him. She had to concentrate not to stare at his massive biceps whenever she went for a visit – had to stop herself from fantasizing about trailing her finger down the protruding vein that now snaked it's way over his right bicep and into the crease on the inside of his elbow… had that always been there? Maybe it had – it just seemed so much more prominent now.

To make matters worse, Evan was about to turn two and Harm wasn't going to be there. She purposely hadn't mentioned Evan's birthday to her own son. A part of her felt so guilty for this, but she knew there was no way he would remember his birthday from last year. Christmas would be an entirely different matter however. He hadn't missed Thanksgiving at all, but Christmas was so commercial… he kept asking her when Santa was coming… she wouldn't be able to lie about this one.

He had at one time asked if Santa could bring Daddy home, but that had been months ago – now she was getting worried that he had forgotten who Harm was altogether. She tried to mention him as much as possible so that wouldn't happen, but she could tell that his Daddy was just becoming an 'abstract concept' to him as opposed to the tangible person he'd once remembered.

Her mind was snapped out of her daydream by a small sound behind her. She turned and smiled at her son as he padded into the kitchen all ready for bed in his "Toy Story" footed pyjamas. He grinned at her with that wonderful/awful flyboy smile he had already perfected – Harm's smile - and lifted his pyjama top up to expose his tummy like he had a habit of doing. She had to laugh.

"Weddy fo' bed, Mum. You weed me a stowee?" he shoved his favourite book at her. A.A. Milne's book of poetry "Now We Are Six." Harm had bought him the set – this one and "When We Were Very Young" on Evan's first birthday. He said his father had always read him these when he was a boy. Mac had never heard of them before, but she had to admit – they were very cute. She had originally thought that they would be way above Evan, but whether it was the rhyme or the way Harm read them to him, he had loved them immediately. Since Harm had been gone, Evan had attached himself to these two books even more.

Mac patted Evan on the behind softly with the book and shoed him up the stairs to his bedroom. They settled on the bed in the darkened room – with just the bedside lamp illuminating the soft pastel walls. Mac loved this old house – this room especially – it still had an old coal fireplace in one corner. It had long since been blocked up, but Evan had used the space to place all of his "Pooh" characters from "The Hundred Acre Wood".

Evan turned the page to where he wanted her to read – he knew this book well. "Dis one, Mummy."

Mac's shoulders fell. Anything but this one. It was stupid she knew, but this one was painful for her recently. It used to make her smile when she read it because Harm had jokingly told her once it reminded him of all those years they had spent together as Batman and Robin… Butch and Sundance… now it just served to remind her even more of the absence of her other half.

"Oh honey, why don't we read this one – 'The Knight Who's Armour Didn't Squeak' – that's a good one!"

Evan just shook his head adamantly. "No Mummy - DIS one!" he pointed his tiny finger at the picture on the page.

Mac blew her bangs off of her forehead. "OK sweetheart." She took a deep breath;

_'Wherever I go, there's always Pooh,  
There's always Pooh and Me.  
Whatever I do, he wants to do,  
"Where are you going to-day?" says Pooh;  
"Well, that's very odd, 'cos I was too.  
Let's go together." Says Pooh, says he.  
"Let's go together." Says Pooh…_

'Sniff' – 'C'mon MacKenzie – suck it up, now.'

_"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.  
"Yes let's," said Pooh to me.  
We crossed the river and found a few-  
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.  
As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.  
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.  
"That's what they are," said Pooh._

_"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh  
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.  
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,  
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!  
Silly old dragons!" – and off they flew.  
"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,  
"I'm never afraid with you."_

'Sniff' – 'Damn – why does he always want to read this story?!

_So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,  
There's always Pooh and Me.  
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,  
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,  
It isn't much fun for One, but Two  
Can stick together," says Pooh, says he.  
"That's how it is," says Pooh.'_

By the time Mac had reached the end, there were tears streaming down her face and she was sniffing uncontrollably. 'C'mon Marine – get a grip.' She thought. 'You can't let a stupid nursery rhyme make you go all to pieces.'

It was then she looked down at her son and her heart jumped into her throat. Evan was looking back at her with his father's expression. The one that Harm always wore when he was really thinking 'C'mon Mac – I know there's something wrong – let me in.' It was disconcerting enough that Evan just looked like Harm – now he was mirroring his exact expressions.

Mac bundled her son up on her chest and hugged him tightly to her. Letting her tears drop freely into his soft brown hair.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
21 DECEMBER 2007 (1 day later)  
1810 ZULU

Harm walked slowly up the front walk to the door of his house. The fading light bouncing off the icicles that hung from the outside coachman's light. He was home. He trailed his finger over the cold bricks as if seeking evidence of their existence, and smiled distractedly at the wreath on the front door – impressed that Mac had had the wherewithal to remember to decorate for Christmas. He was still having trouble getting his mind around the fact that it was almost Christmas – almost his son's second birthday. He suddenly felt like he should ring the doorbell. Mac didn't know he'd been released. Gibbs had just shown up about two hours ago and told him he was free to go... and just like that it had been over.

"Do you want me to call Mac?"

"Yes… NO!" his mind was reeling. "I'll call her…" Then, as Gibbs had started to walk away… "Gibbs…"

Jethro turned around.

"… uh… could you just give me a lift home?"

The car ride had been eerily silent as well. Harm felt that he was in some sort of Twilight Zone. He had envisioned this day for the last six months – it was supposed to be joyous and amazing. He would walk out of the prison – vindicated and smiling and Mac would be there to take him in her arms…

Instead, there was just him and Gibbs and the cold interior of the car as they drove north on a clear December evening – the very definition of 'anti-climactic'.

"So – it was Palmer?"

"Yup."

Harm sighed and shook his head. "How did you finally connect him?"

"We didn't." He glanced at Harm almost apologetically. "He confessed."

"Really?" Harm was initially confused, but then it dawned on him. Palmer had no intention of letting this go all the way. He just wanted to show Harm he still had power over his life… wanted him to think of him every day… like he'd said so many years ago. Wanted to prove to him that there was nothing that Harm could do to him anymore – he already had a life sentence at Leavenworth – but there was everything that Palmer could continue to do to Harm. He wanted to keep Harm guessing – always looking over his shoulder – wondering where it could come from next. Palmer had won. 'The Wilderness of Mirrors' still stood strong.

As Harm's finger followed the line of mortar, he caught sight of Mac inside the house through the small window in the front door. She had walked up to the kitchen counter – clearing away the dinner dishes he supposed. His heart suddenly was frozen between the overwhelming relief that he would soon feel at being in Mac's arms, and the overwhelming helplessness he felt at no longer being able to protect his family. He had the ominous feeling that it would always be this way from now on – like he was looking in on her life from the outside again… God he didn't want to go back there. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

TBC

"Us Two" by A.A. Milne, from the book "Now We Are Six"


	21. Chapter 21

PART 21

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
21 DECEMBER 2007  
1813 ZULU

Mac didn't hear Harm enter the house. She was clanking dishes in the kitchen and had the BBC on in the background for distraction.

Her son however, although he didn't hear his father's approach, looked up from his Brio train set when he saw the pair of dark shoes suddenly appear in the archway between the front foyer and living room. Two sets of identical eyes quickly searched each other for recognition. For Harm's part, he knew the child on the floor in front of him was his son, but he had changed so much… thinner… so much baby fat gone from his face.

Evan, for his part, scanned the memory banks of his young mind and came up with only one label that fit. "Daddy?"

Harm smiled and squat down to his son's level – arms outstretched as his son flew across the room and into them.

Mac had heard the word come out of Evan's mouth and spun around to catch the sight of Harm scooping their son up into his arms. As he stood up, their eyes locked. Mac's eyes filled with tears as she brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. As much as she wanted to keep their eye connection, she was drawn to him by an overpowering urge to touch him. Harm held out a free arm as she tucked herself into his shoulder and drew in a deep breath. 'God it's real' she thought as she took in his unmistakable scent.

No words were spoken for many seconds until Evan started impatiently bouncing and imploring Harm to put him down. He immediately ran over to where he had been playing before and knelt down in front of the train set again.

"Look Daddy – look what Unca Bud got fo' me!" He looked up to show him a wooden train car proudly, but his father was occupied for the moment - slowly and completely kissing the daylights out of his mother. Something in the back of his mind registered that he hated it when they did this. Sighing over-dramatically, he jumped over his train set, car in hand, and wrapped himself around Harm's long leg. A hand came down from it's former place at the side of Mac's face and ruffled the boy's hair. The kiss however, continued for some time.

Finally they broke apart. Harm felt his son abandon his spot on his left leg and wrapped his now free hand behind Mac's lower back to join the other one. He pulled her in tightly, closed his eyes and just rubbed his face against hers….lightly brushed his closed eye against her cheek, his lips across her forehead, then his other eye against her other cheek on the other side… until their lips found each other again.

Who knows how long they would have remained in their little bubble if their son hadn't become fed up and taken it upon himself to move the conversation along.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!"

Harm and Mac almost jumped out of their respective skins simultaneously. Foreheads together they smiled quietly and Harm turned his head towards his son. "Yes Evan?"

The boy mustered the biggest, cheesiest grin he could, held up the toy train car and proclaimed again, "Look what Unca Bud got fo' me!"

Several hours later, Mac stood at the doorway to her son's room and watched her husband tuck their son into bed. As relieved as she was to finally have him home, he seemed distracted… sad… almost…well, 'fragile' was the only word that consistently popped into her mind. A strange description based on the fact that his upper body had now nearly doubled it's former muscle content. She had noticed several times in the few hours he had been home, that he seemed lost in thought, at times staring off into space for long moments at a time. She felt like if she raised her voice too loudly, he might actually shatter.

Although she'd felt like standing in the doorway and watching the both of them forever, she took the opportunity to go and change the sheets in their bedroom - thinking that Harm might appreciate the fresh linen for his first night home. She had come to learn a long time ago that one of his favourite things in the whole world was the smell of linen dried outside on the clothes line. She had discovered this one time when she was still dating Mic. She had forwarded Harm one of those chain emails that was meant to let your friends get to know you better. The kind of email that was just a list of questions you were supposed to answer and then send out to ten of your friends, including the one who had sent it to you in the first place. Mac had never expected to get it back from him filled out – maybe she only had because the last question had been 'Person you least expect to send this back to you' and she had of course put 'Harm'. He never could back down from a challenge.

One of the questions had been 'Favourite smell' and he had answered 'laundry dried on a line'. She had always remembered it because 1) it was the only question he had actually answered seriously; and 2) it had made him seem suddenly that much more human.

Although he'd never actually said anything since they'd been married, and although she rarely dried all their laundry out on the line, she always made a special effort to dry the sheets there – even in winter if she could. She always took a particular joy in it when Harm would flop into bed on his stomach, nuzzle his face into a pillow and take a gigantic breath through his nose. He would then look up at her out of the corner of one eye and give her one of his little impish smiles that seemed to say '…_you remembered_.'

She lay propped up in bed reading, waiting for Harm to finish locking up, and looked up smiling as he came into the room. The whole scene seemed so surreal – like the last six months had never happened. They had simply snapped back into their old routine without missing a beat - the only difference was when he whipped his shirt off over his head – it had actually caused her to gasp. "Wow….you've….uh, been working out."

He looked down and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess I had some unresolved anger issues…" He winked at her quickly as he looked up, then he flopped down on his stomach in the bed and breathed in deeply through his nose. She waited for the look from him that she knew was coming, but it never came. Instead he opened his eyes to just stare directly into her hip. She couldn't quite place the look there – but if she'd had to, she'd guess it was a cross between overwhelming gratitude and overwhelming sadness.

Suddenly he propped himself up on his elbow and began tracing her forearm with his finger, sending chills up Mac's spine. He remained staring at her arm as he began to speak. "Mac?"

"Yes?"

"You know I love you, don't you?"

The statement caused her to bend forward to try and catch his eye, but he wasn't co-operating. "Of course, Harm."

He took a deep breath and still didn't look at her. "Do you mind if… I mean… this all still hasn't sunk in yet… like I don't really know where I am. Would you mind if… would you just… hold me tonight?"

She paused only momentarily before she responded soothingly "Of course, Harm."

Before she could even slip down in the bed to his level, he simply leaned forward and kissed the inside of her palm and then placed his head on her lap. He snuggled in, wrapping his arm around her thigh and finally bending his long leg and hooking it gently over hers – pulling them snug into him. Mac smiled sadly as she hugged him closer. She noticed that object of her former fantasies – that damned vein that snaked down his right arm – was suddenly right there for her to touch. Although tempting, she decided she was much better off to leave it be until she could use it the way she most desired.

As it turned out, it was the next night before they finally made love. Mac was a little concerned, but she didn't want to push him. She thought she could guess why he couldn't make a move before that. She guessed it had to do with all the times near the beginning of his incarceration where he had dreamed of her, only to have to wake up in a prison cell alone. Mac supposed he wanted to make damn sure of where he was before he allowed himself the pleasure that he knew would go to great lengths to make him whole again if it was real – and might just break him entirely if it wasn't.

That night had started the same as the night before. Harm took up his position on her lap as soon as he got into bed and remained that way until they both fell asleep. When she woke up later on that night however, he was gone. Squelching a moment of panic, Mac got up to search the house for him - she didn't have to go far. Harm was standing in the doorway to their son's room, just watching him sleep. He turned to look at her with a brief, guilty look as she approached.

"Sorry – I was having trouble sleeping."

"That's OK. I know the feeling."

Harm flashed a millisecond of a flyboy smile that was more in his eyes than on his lips. There was a long period where they both stood there looking into the room, not speaking.

"He won, Mac."

"He doesn't have to, Harm."

Harm leaned dejectedly back on to the wall in the hallway. "How can you say that? He just proved that I'm completely unable to protect my family. He took you both away from me just as easily as if he'd waltzed in here and threw you over his shoulder while I just stood there helplessly." There was a slight pause as the words sunk in. "He stole six months from us, Mac… six months we'll never be able to get back…"

"Stop it, Harm."

Harm turned to her, suddenly shocked. "Stop what?"

Mac turned towards him. "Stop wallowing." She said it as forcefully as she could at a whisper – conscious of the sleeping boy inside the room.

Harm's mouth was left hanging open – it was the last thing he'd expected to hear from her. He suddenly closed his mouth and turned his head away from her to stare out at the blackness through the window at the end of the hall.

After a brief silence, Mac suddenly spoke softly. "Harm, do you remember what my favourite movie is?"

"Of course I do" Harm quipped – slightly annoyed that she'd thought he would forget something like that. "It's Casablanca – how could I forget? You've made me watch it at least eight times."

Mac smiled. "Do you remember what Bogie says to Peter Lorre at the beginning, just before Ugarte gets arrested?" She didn't wait for him to respond, she just continued. "Peter Lorre asks Bogie '_You despise me, don't you?_' and Bogie replies…???"

Harm gave Mac a sideways glance, suddenly aware that she was waiting for him to supply the answer. Harm smiled sheepishly and attempted his best Bogart impersonation, "_Yes, if I ever gave you any thought, I probably would_."

Mac grinned happily – impressed that he had actually been paying attention all those nights. "See? Now I always thought that was the best comeback ever. Not only did he say that he despised the man, but that he thought so little of him, he never even wasted the time to consider whether he hated him or not."

She stepped closer to Harm and put her hands on his arms – suddenly aware of how different his upper arms felt. She unconsciously started rubbing her hands up and down the bulging muscles there. "That's what you have to do with Palmer, Harm. I know it's hard, but if you keep reminding yourself of what he can do to you, then he's definitely won. He wants you to stay in that _Wilderness of Mirrors _and that's exactly what you're doing by letting this bother you."

"Mac – how do you expect me to be fine with the fact that something horrible could happen to you two at any moment and I'm powerless to stop it?"

"Harm" Mac's voice was soothing in contrast to Harm's strained whisper. "Honey, all of life is a Wilderness of Mirrors. Something horrible could happen to any one of us at any time and we're all powerless to stop it. Sure Palmer stole six months out of our life, but he's going to take more if you continue let this eat at you. The only way Palmer_** isn't**_ going to win is if you think like Bogie and not give Palmer another thought. I know it's hard but you have to Harm. You have to just let it go and enjoy what we have here – God knows nine years of this has already been stolen from us due to our own stubbornness. Now we're up to nine years and six months…" she took a step forward so her body was flush with his, and spoke just inches from his face. "…don't Harm. Don't let another minute of our happiness be taken away from us…"

Her sentence was cut off by Harm's mouth on hers.  
--------  
Twenty-five minutes later, back in their bed, Mac struggled to get her breathing back under control. Suddenly she heard the little voice break through the fog in her mind.

"Mummy!"

Still breathing heavily himself and trying to regain some semblance of composure, Harm dropped his head down and wiped the sweat from his brow onto his wife's chest.

"Hey!" she cried out indignantly.

Harm grinned at her. "Yeah, well that's what you get for waking up the baby."

"_**Me?!**_ How are you so sure it was me? The last time I looked, there was two of us involved in this little _tête à tête_."

Harm just raised an eyebrow at her "Mac - I know that you think I've got a big ego, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't me screaming out my own name."

Mac just giggled. "Damn. Was that me?"

Harm slid up close to her lips and rumbled "Oh yeah."

"Oh great. Now I'm personally responsible for tripling the size of your ego."

"No Mac" he responded in a husky voice, "you're just personally responsible for tripling the size of my…"

"MUMMY!!!"

Mac dissolved into laughter as Harm rolled off of her with a smile. "Well he's definitely got your sense of timing." She grabbed her robe off of the back of the door and dodged a pillow that had locked onto her position. As she tied her robe, her eyes searched her husbands' and for the first time since he'd been home, she was sure that he was going to be alright.

"Hey Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." The unspoken thoughts he sent meant to convey that he was thanking her for the pep-talk – for grounding him once more and putting things in perspective – not for the little tryst that they had so recently enjoyed.

Mac, although she received the non-verbal message, chose instead to tease him. "Oh it was my pleasure Flyboy – I assure you." She winked at him saucily over her shoulder.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
22 DECEMBER 2007  
1010 ZULU

That morning, Gibbs had shown up on their doorstep.

He waved off Harm's offering of coffee, "I won't be staying long, but I thought you might like to hear this little piece of information first hand."

He nodded Gibbs to the couch as he sat himself in the chair by the window. No sooner had Harm sat down than he was back on his feet, picking several 'Star Wars' action figures off of the cushion behind him. Cursing Bud under his breath, he threw them all in the toy box against the wall, inadvertently triggering the 'Buzz Lightyear' and causing it to proclaim '_To infinity and beyond!_'

Harm feigned exasperation and sat down heavily. Gibbs just smiled at him in an amused way. "Missed this, didn't you?"

Harm couldn't suppress the wistful grin. "More than I could ever put into words."

Mac leaned against the kitchen doorway and grinned from ear to ear – thanking above for the thousandth time in the last two days that her husband was home. "What's the news, Jethro?"

"Palmer's dead."

Harm and Mac both jerked up straight. "What?!" they retorted in tandem.

Gibbs just nodded his head, slightly amused.

"Are you positive?" Harm was unwilling to believe anything that had to do with Clark Palmer. "I want to see the body."

"I'm not sure that can be arranged, but I'll see what I can do. I assure you, it's him. I saw the body myself. So did Clayton Webb. I just happened to win the coin toss to get to be the one to tell you guys."

Harm and Mac eyed each other warily as she came around to sit beside him on the arm of the chair. They both wanted to believe, but were hesitant. The fact that Webb substantiated the story didn't go all that far to prove anything to Harm, even though he knew that Webb knew Palmer, and knew he could identify the body positively.

"Webb will always be a spook. I will forever take his word with a grain of salt." Harm said bitterly. He shook his head slowly as if thinking and then turned his face up to Gibbs' "How did it happen?"

Gibbs' amused smile returned once again. "He choked on a hot dog in the middle of the prison cafeteria."

Both Harm and Mac's jaws fell simultaneously and they looked at each other.

Suddenly, all Mac could think about was that during one of her meetings with Uncle Matt, she'd relayed to him all Harm had ever told her about the time Palmer had held him hostage – including that line Palmer had used about making someone choke to death on a hot dog at a baseball game. She tried to make her voice sound as innocent as possible. "So… it was ruled an accident then?"

"It was…" Gibbs said slowly, "…however it was a little suspicious."

Harm and Mac eyed each other again.

"How so?"

"Well, Palmer choked on the hot dog because his throat constricted due to a peanut allergy."

"He put peanut butter on his hot dog?"

"No – Palmer knew that he had a peanut allergy so he wouldn't have done that. However, they found traces of peanut oil on the hotdog." Gibbs paused for effect and then continued, "Funny thing is, the prison cafeteria doesn't use peanut oil."

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: This is the 2nd last chapter - the next (and last) part is the Epilogue.

PART 22

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
22 DECEMBER 2007  
1020 ZULU

Harm and Mac were afraid to look at each other.

"Well, I guess it could have happened back at the factory of course… but that would be a little hard to prove… wouldn't it?" Mac mused almost hopefully.

Gibbs' infallible 'Spidy Sense' had kicked in on this one when he first heard the news, but now it was buzzing like a four alarmer at a fire station. He attempted to hide the smile that was tickling the corners of his mouth. "Well, we weren't going to waste time going there actually. We've already ruled it an accident… unless of course you think there's more to it? I could always get Abby to take another look…"

"No!" Harm and Mac almost shouted at once. Harm's head fell slightly – he knew they weren't playing this very well. His only hope was that Gibbs already knew exactly what they were thinking and had already decided to let it go. He hoped so. Matt O'Hara was up for parole in months and he really didn't need anything messing that up.

Gibbs couldn't resist taking it one final step. "I suppose it could have been an inside job." He mused. "I'm sure there must have been a number of people in there that may have wanted Palmer dead…"

Harm and Mac just nodded vaguely. "Yeah, I suppose that's possible." They both agreed.

"But… unless you two have any reason for wanting to continue, I have no urge to waste any more resources on the likes of Clark Palmer."

"No, you're right" Mac stepped in quickly. "We have no wish to investigate this further. We just want to be sure that he's dead so we can go on with our lives."

"Understood" Gibbs smiled and stood up. "I'll get back to you on that, but for now I really have to catch a flight back to DC."

Harm and Mac both stood as well.

"Thanks so much for coming to see us, Jethro" Harm extended his hand. "Once again my life was in your hands and I managed to come out relatively unscathed. I appreciate that."

"Hey" Gibbs just smiled. "I just wish it could been resolved faster."

Mac smiled. "Jethro, I would love to say that I hope to see you again sometime, but I'm not so sure that would be a good idea…"

Gibbs just laughed. "I understand. It sure is a killer on the old ego when people are _**never**_ happy to see you."

"Well, maybe you should fix that by making social calls every once and a while." Mac's smile almost melted Jethro's knees. He suddenly had a fleeting regret that he hadn't really met her before she was married. He would have given Rabb a run for his money.

With final handshakes all around, Harm closed the door behind Gibbs and turned to Mac with his mouth slightly agape. "Mac... you don't really think…?"

There was a moment of consideration before they both shook their heads in disbelief. "Naaawwwww…"

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
22 DECEMBER 2007  
1140 ZULU

Mac walked into the kitchen and smiled, observing the scene in front of her. Evan sat at the kitchen table, preparing for his lunch by attempting to squirt a huge dollop of ketchup onto his plate. He was still dressed in his footed pyjamas but had a dark grey woollen sweater thrown over top. His little tongue stuck out between his lips in concentration as he attempted valiantly to keep most of the ketchup from blazing a trail over the kitchen table instead of his plate.  
Harm stood at the stove in jeans, bare feet and a blue plaid flannel shirt that he had rolled up high enough on both arms that it exposed his bulging biceps. The flannel shirt was undone and untucked and he wore a maddeningly tight white t-shirt underneath. Mac suddenly had to resist the urge to rip every stitch of clothing he wore off of him.  
He flipped the grilled cheese sandwich with finesse as he contentedly hummed along to the Dave Matthews Band CD playing on the stereo. Mac leaned happily against the doorframe for a moment and took a snapshot in her mind – this was a scene she wanted to recall when she was ninety-five. There were large snow flakes coming down outside the window behind Harm and the woodstove in the kitchen crackled with a deep warmth that kept this old draughty house just perfect in these winter months.

She sat down beside Evan and ruffled his hair. "Whatchya havin' for lunch little man?"

"Gwilled cheeeese!" he smiled with glee.

"Mmmmm… sounds good. Can a Mommy get in on any of this grilled cheese action?"

Harm just raised an eyebrow suggestively in her direction. "Mac, you can get in on all the action you want…you know that." He smiled as he cut up the sandwich for Evan and dropped it on his plate. "Now if you want me to make you a grilled cheese sandwich, I suppose I could do that too."

"Ha, ha - very funny." She walked up to the counter and watched him as he started to butter the bread for her sandwich.

Suddenly his demeanour turned serious and he spoke quietly. "Mac… uh… how are we for cash? I mean… I need to get some Christmas shopping done and quickly if you know what I mean." He nodded over his shoulder at Evan.

"We have some." She nodded and bit her lip – unsure exactly how much of their financial situation she should reveal to him at this moment.

She had included him on all the big things as they happened – when she had been forced to have Sturgis sell her car. They had fought over which corvette should be sacrificed. In the end she convinced him it should be hers, simply because he'd lost his once already and she knew how much it had killed him then. She never told him that though - she just told him that hers was… well, replaceable. He was also made aware when she had enlisted Frank's help. She had let it go as long as possible, but it wasn't cheap to live in London. Harm had been upset at her going to Frank, but he was more upset at the prospect of Mac and Evan going without. In the end, Mac had soothed Harm's temper by passing on what Frank had told her – "Sarah – I once gave you two $50,000 so Harm could buy a MIG-29 and then immediately crash it. I think I'm OK with this." That had actually even made Harm laugh a little bit.

"Well, it'll be better soon." He offered. "The office is stood down until January 6th, but they should be reactivating my pay shortly thereafter."

She rubbed her hand up over his bulging arm. "Yeah, well just make sure you don't ever take your uniform jacket off once you get back to work or no one will believe the story that you were out for six months with a back injury."

Harm nodded in agreement. "I know – I'll have to be careful with that. Hopefully they'll all just think I got fat."

Mac smiled. "Good, maybe then that young petty officer will stop lusting after you. I've seen the looks she gives you."

Harm just smiled shyly "Well, she's out of luck – I only have eyes for the Marines."

"Really?" Mac sided up to him. "I knew that MacRae was in your office way too much…"

"Ma-aac!"

She squealed and flew out of the kitchen as Harm flicked a pad of butter of off of the end of his knife and Evan clapped gleefully from his chair.

CHRISTMAS DAY  
HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE  
WILLESDEN GREEN  
LONDON, NW2  
25 DECEMBER 2007  
0845 ZULU

Mac sipped cocoa and watched happily as Evan dug into yet another present. They had been able to get away with a lot this year. They had bought him a few things, but their friends had really helped out – knowing their financial circumstances – and Bud and Harriett and Trish and Frank had all bought him extra little presents so he would have more stuff to open. Watching him now, she thought she probably could have saved everyone the hassle and just wrapped up some little-used toy from last year and he would never have known the difference. For him it was all about getting to the present as it was what the present actually was.

This present was different though. Instead of casting it immediately aside like he had almost all the others, he quietly gazed at the box and considered it thoughtfully. She glanced at Harm and noticed he was watching his son intently.

Mac didn't think she recognized the present he was holding, and almost got up to go over and inspect it, when Evan slowly got to his feet and brought it over to her on his own.

"Look, Mummy." He said.

He handed her the box and she looked at it. It was a model F-14. She smiled at Harm and then turned back to Evan. "Wow honey – that's great! You know, this is the kind of plane that your Daddy used to fly."

"He still fwies dem." Evan nodded his head up and down, looking for confirmation.

"Well, close sweetheart. Now if Daddy flies, he flies F-18s. The other planes got too old to fly anymore."

"Kinda like their pilots" Harm said a little dejectedly.

Mac just smiled and raised her eyebrow. "Honey – if you're not too old to do what we did last night – you're definitely not too old to fly some silly old supersonic aircraft."

"Ma-aac!" Harm said in mock surprise. "Ix-nay on the ex-say in front of the oy-bay."

Mac just giggled. "Oh my God, Harm – I can't believe you just used Pig Latin."

"What?!" Harm said indignantly and then just continued to look at her with a silly grin on his face.

Mac just nodded her head back and forth slowly in amazement, but never dropped her own grin, or her eyes from his.

Evan walked over and climbed up into Harm's lap with his new present. Almost silently, the two worked intently to free the model from its packaging. All the while, Evan sat unnaturally patient in Harm's lap. When his father finally delivered the gift into his upturned palms, Mac almost felt she was witnessing a religious moment. For several minutes, Evan just ran his little hand over the wings and fuselage of the aircraft, then looked up into his father's eyes and she thought she witnessed a little silent conversation between them. Before she was even sure she had seen it, Evan had slipped down off of Harm's lap and raced off making zooming and whooshing sounds as he piloted the toy aircraft around the house. Harm just watched after him thoughtfully – chin on thumb and forefinger.

"Harm?" Mac sat down on the sofa beside him and he turned to face her.

"That box looked a little worse for wear. What – was it the last one on the shelf or something?" She really didn't care about the condition of the box, but she had a sneaky suspicion that she was trying to follow up on.

Harm guessed she was on to him and acquiesced with a smile. "Nawww… I've... uh... had that for awhile." He looked down into his lap.

"OK Rabb – spill it." She put her elbow on the back of the couch and leaned her head into her hand while she gazed at him admiringly.

Harm took a deep breath and let it out in defeat. "Shortly after Annie left, I found myself in a toy store one day and I saw this on the shelf. My first thought was of how much Josh would have loved it – then I realized I wasn't in a position to buy it for him anymore." He smiled with the memory, "Actually, I half considered buying it for him anyway – just to be a total prick…"

"Harm!" Mac said accusingly but with a smile, and slapped him playfully on the arm.

"Well, anyway… I stood there just looking at it and it suddenly hit me how much I had enjoyed being a sort of father to Josh. I had always felt that I wanted to have a wife and kids some day, but until that moment I hadn't actually been sure that it was something… well – that I'd be good at. At that moment I suddenly felt very empty inside – like there was a chunk missing out of my life."

Mac mused. "I had no idea men actually had biological clocks."

Harm looked at her out of the corner of his eye and smiled. "Yeah – I guess you're right. Well – I felt really kind of lonely then, so I bought it – just as a promise to myself that I would be a dad again one day – and I would give it to my son or daughter."

Mac smiled but had to bite her top lip. "You _are_ a really good Dad you know Harm. I always knew you would be."

He smiled at her "Yeah – I remember you telling me so a couple of times. Thanks for that. In fact, I remember you telling me that the night before we first got together."

Mac blushed and dipped her head. "Yeah – well, it had been a running theme in my head for a long time. It's no surprise that it found it's way to the surface a couple of times."

There was comfortable silence for a moment before Mac spoke again. "So, it's almost 10 years old – I guess that accounts for the state of the box."

"Yeah, it spent a lot of years in the back of my closet and has been through one move... and two trips into the garbage can..."

"Really" Mac said sadly – knowing what that implied.

"Yeah" Harm said softly. "The first time I threw it out was just before I left to go on my quals – just before you were going to marry Mic."

"Really?"

"Yeah" he laughed bitterly "Somehow the thought of owning that once I got home and you were married to Mic… well…" He didn't need to finish the sentence.

"Luckily I didn't throw it in my kitchen garbage, my study garbage was still there when I got out of the hospital and… suddenly there was a little sliver of hope again. I removed it and threw it in the back of my closet again."

"Let me guess… the second time you threw it out was after Paraguay."

Harm just smiled at her "Give the girl a meat pie."

They laughed.

"Yeah – that time it didn't spend very long in the garbage." He suddenly looked incredibly sad. "I don't know what happened. I was so mad at you and when I saw the damn thing in the back of the closet, I immediately grabbed it and tossed it. For some reason though, the very act of that… it just caused a switch to flip in my mind somewhere. Suddenly it hit me – the words that you had used – that you had actually finally voiced the word _'never'_… it just hit me all of a sudden that it really wasn't going to work out for us. I sat down and cried my eyes out Mac, I'm sorry to admit it, but I did."

Mac let a tear slip over her cheek at the memory of those painful times.

"When I couldn't cry anymore I suddenly just turned angry again. I cursed you for having the ability to squash all my hopes with a single word, and in defiance – and of course to prove you wrong, like I always loved to do – I grabbed the box out of the garbage and threw it back in the closet again."

There was silence between them and Mac realized that at some point she had taken Harm's hand in hers and was now rubbing her thumb over the back of it.

Harm had been staring straight ahead of him, but he suddenly shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Anyway, what happened just now with Evan… I just… well – I didn't expect him to… like it so much."

"Really?"

Harm quickly turned to her and smiled "Well, I mean I _**hoped**_ he would, but I didn't want to have any expectations… I mean, I didn't want to be one of those fathers that pushed their ideals on their kids…"

He suddenly turned to Mac again "I didn't push, did I?"

Mac smiled at him "No, I'd say he comes by it honestly." She paused "I mean, he's a Rabb – it's in his blood."

Harm looked at her hesitantly. "Are you… OK with that? I mean, being an aviator hasn't always been the best career choice for Rabb men… health wise…"

Mac squeezed Harm's hand tightly. "Harm – I'm not Annie." She smiled a teary smile. "I fell for a man in Dress Whites and Gold Wings remember? How could I not want as much as possible of the man that I love to carry over into our children?"

Harm's eyes filled with tears and he immediately swung his arm around her and pulled her into his shoulder forcefully. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered "I love you, Sarah."

"I love you too, Flyboy."

After a few moments of silence where they simply gazed at the lights of the Christmas tree, Mac suddenly giggled quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"Just thinking how much you've changed over the years Harm."

"You think so?"

"Oh yeah – you never used to be able to open up like this before."

"Yeah – I always had to have my lifeline, right? Wasn't that what you said?"

"And now you've let go of your lifeline?"

"Hell Mac, I not only don't have a life_**line**_, I don't have a life _**jacket**_…"

Mac dissolved into little giggles against his chest.

"… I don't even have one of those damn… floating seat cushions or anything…"

Mac's laughter erupted even louder as she snuggled as close as she could into the side of his body.

TBC


	23. Epilogue

A/N: Well, thanks for reading everyone - I hope you enjoyed it. As I said before, this was my very first attempt at writing anything at all so I hope you excused all the bad writing and typos that weren't picked up by spell-check LOL. It was interesting to go back and look at this after 2 years! Since finishing this piece, I have written several "one shots" that take place in this same "universe" - basically, moments I got inspired as to what was happening in the Rabb world and wanted to add to it - as I said - this was my cathartic piece. I was sick of Harm and Mac not having everything they wanted, and although I know it was a little sappy at times, I tried to make it as true to the characters I knew as I possibly could (I mean - hey - we're all a little sappy sometimes!). I know that medically, Mac's endometriosis may have been insurmountable in real life, but we're not talking real life here - these are characters from television and I figured if TPTB could spend 9 years throwing unrealistic reasons/obstacles at us to prevent these two from getting together - I could do the same thing in order to bring them a little deserved happiness (and us too!) Besides - stranger things have happened. Anyway, I will probably post those "one-shots" here as well - might as well have them all together. I hope you enjoyed the little ride. Bye for now!

Gibs

I SURRENDER - EPILOGUE

KINGSGATE PRIMARY SCHOOL  
KINGSGATE ROAD, LONDON NW6  
26 AUGUST 2009  
0750 ZULU

Three year old Evan Rabb (or 'almost four' as he would proudly tell you), held tightly to the hand of his father as they walked up the front path of Kingsgate Primary School. Held just as tightly in his other hand was a model F14 Tomcat – one of many that he had in his prized collection.

Mac leaned against the car watching the scene unfold in front of her. It made her smile – the image of her tall husband in his Navy blues, holding the small hand of his son who was dressed in a little school outfit – shorts, a little blazer and a small knapsack over his shoulders. Their arms seemed to be the exact perfect length to meet each other now – Harm no longer had to bend over and Evan no longer had to stand on his tippy-toes to reach his father's hand. Something prickled at the back of her neck and a chill ran down her spine. She felt suddenly that she was experiencing a déja vu – 'She'd seen this before, hadn't she?'

Her experience was cut short as her son immediately turned and darted back down the path to where his mother stood.

Mac bent down to Evan's level as he addressed her. "I forgot to say good-bye to baby Katie" he told his mother very matter-of-factly in a strong London accent.

"Well I guess we'd better remedy that, hadn't we?" Mac opened the back door of their little Alpha Romeo.

Evan climbed up and kissed his baby sister on the cheek. "Good-bye baby Katie!" he said cheerfully.

"Ba-ba!" Katie chirped and squeezed her hand open and closed in uncoordinated attempt at a wave. It was the only other thing she knew how to say besides 'mum-mum', 'da' and something that sounded suspiciously like 'ebby'.

"Mummy – do you think she knows it's going to be her birthday in three weeks? She doesn't seem very excited."

"Of course she does, sweetie. It's just that she doesn't really know what that means exactly – she's never had a birthday before."

This seemed to placate his young mind and he nodded. He then reached his arms up for a hug. "Good-bye, Mummy!" He gave her a hug and a kiss, then turned and ran back to where his smiling father waited to take back his hand.

Harm walked his son to the steps of the school where a lone teacher stood watch in the doorway. He turned to his son, bent down to his height and held out his hand – palm up – with an expectant look on his face. Evan very slowly relinquished his toy plane into his father's awaiting grasp. He then took one step up onto the step, turned around to face his father and put himself very smartly to attention. Harm immediately stood to attention as well, as Evan executed a perfect salute – only palm out – British style. Harm's shoulders suddenly sunk in mock exasperation and he shook his head slowly. He smiled at his boy, took a step forward and adjusted the child's hand so that his palm was facing downward. Satisfied, he took a step backwards and returned his son's salute. Evan then executed a shaky about face and started up the steps to his school.

Out of nowhere, Mac's feeling of déja-vu returned – 'where had she seen this all before?' Then it came to her – wasn't this the exact scene her mind had conjured up all those years ago in Russia – when she had watched Harm sleep in the chair in their hotel room and realized for the first time that she was in love with him? Mac shook her head. She had imagined that scene then – it had been a daydream of her own making – hadn't it?

She smiled – yes, a good old fashioned premonition wouldn't entirely be out of the question for her based on her past experience with ESP, but if that's what it had been, then…

A tear escaped her eye as she continued her thought. All these years they had thought time had been wasted due to bad decisions, bad timing, miscommunication… but if she had envisioned this scene before all those events had occurred, that could only mean one thing. Everything they went through had been destined to happen even then. Fate had lessons for them to learn before they could be together – they couldn't have played it out any other way…

Harm returned to the car to take up position by his wife's side – a silly grin still on his face. He noticed the tear and chided her affectionately as he wiped it away with the back of his finger. "Hey Marine – it's only his first day at Pre-School. What are you going to be like when we send him off to College?"

Mac laughed and sniffed at the same time. "It's all your fault – you've turned me into a giant sap."

Harm laced his fingers inconspicuously into hers and leaned over to whisper in her ear "Just the way I like you, sweetheart."

Suddenly, he bumped playfully into Mac's hip as his gaze returned proudly to their retreating son. "I guess we were both right."

"We were?" Mac asked questioningly.

"My looks and your brains..." he turned to smile at her admiringly, "…he is perfect."

Mac smiled as she turned to gaze after her son, "Sometimes I wonder if he has my brains…"

"Sure he does," Harm countered defensively, "He's as smart as a whip!"

A that moment, Harm followed Mac's gaze up to the steps of the school, where, as if on cue, Evan reached up under his school blazer and produced a previously concealed toy plane. He immediately began swooping and diving the plane, making sputtering airplane noises.

Mac raised an eyebrow at her suddenly blushing husband and then turned around to her olive-skinned, brown eyed daughter in the back seat. "Katie honey, you're my only hope…"

'…Well, maybe not my only hope' she mused excitedly to herself as she brought a hand to her belly. Smiling, she felt butterflies erupt as she thought of the fact she'd be telling Harm tonight that he was going to be a father again. If she lived to be a hundred, she would never forget the singular joy she experienced at telling him those words.

Although they hadn't discussed having another child after Katie, she had once brought it up to him while she was pregnant with her. Seeing as having children didn't seem to be nearly as much of a problem as they once thought it would be, she had ventured to ask him at what point he envisioned their family would be big enough. He had only given her one of his impish grins and replied "Do we have to stop?"

Harm smiled, leaned down and kissed his wife lovingly. "You OK, Marine? You look like you have something on your mind."

"Yeah" she smiled sweetly and kissed him on the nose. "I'll tell you about it later." They shared a brief, silent exchange through their eyes, and turned to look back at their son who was just disappearing through the front doors. Before he was gone, he turned a complete 360 degree circle with his swooping aircraft, caught sight of his parents, and flashed them an eerily familiar, million megawatt smile with dancing sea-green eyes.

THE END


End file.
